I Hate Can Openers with a Vengence.

So... home sick again today. My head is the only thing that's bugging me - I can't walk without getting dizzy, coughing, stuffed nose, etc. So, because I can eat fine, I was really hungry like usual.

I searched around the house for things to eat. I first went to see what we had for a sandwiches but I realized we only had bologna and cheese. Which, for the most part, is kind of unexciting. I then scoured the snacks, but I couldn't survive on only those. I wasn't looking for Hot Pockets (we only had these ones with barbeque meat, and those are nasty), and then I saw that we had cans of refried beans!

I knew in the fridge we had tortillas and cheese. So I brought up the can into the kitchen... and realized I was forgetting one vital fact.


No big deal, I thought. I thought after playing with it for a while I would get it. Well, safe to say I was wrong.

Going on for 15 minutes, I was already getting fed up. I went onto the Mac and began to search the bowels of YouTube to see if there was ANYTHING on how to open a flipping can. All I found was some crap of a guy using a knife.

Well, two of my friends tried to explain it to me, but I still could NOT get it. I didn't know what I was doing wrong, or if the can opener I was using (which was older than me probably) was messed up. But after almost an hour of fidgeting with the thing and making small holes unleashing gross bean juice, this is what I came up with...

...shut up.

So, how did I get the can open, you ask? Well, after f'ing up the can's top in every way possible, I finally made a large enough dent that I could use to my advantage and broke with the handle of the can opener. So I just stabbed it in, and after a minute the lid came off. Victory!

And you want to know how victory tastes? Exactly like a burrito, that's what.

Make that TWO burritos.

I never figured out how to open the can, though. But, I'll tell you what, those burritos were delicious.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm going back to camp just in time to catch the bus for Universal Studios!! So I may just have a review of The Simpsons Ride that just opened... that is, if I can survive the heat and break the lines. We'll just have to find out, I guess. to break this cold!

We bought an electric can opener.

My life is complete now.


Taylor. said...


Wow buddy you are a dork.