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CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

11:42:35 PM Josh!: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE
11:43:39 PM Josh!: You stumble upon a room, each wall with a door. One door leads to a soda, the other, a different soda. A smaller door leads to an unidentified scented candle.
11:43:47 PM Josh!: To choose door 1, go to page 3.
11:43:54 PM Josh!: To choose door 3, go to page 75.
11:44:02 PM Josh!: To choose the small door, go to page 900.
11:44:06 PM Taylor: where did you find this?
11:44:12 PM Taylor: and i have a book like that
11:44:18 PM Josh!: you just have to choose.
11:44:24 PM Taylor: oh
11:44:26 PM Josh!: Which page do you turn to?
11:44:31 PM Taylor: 900!
11:45:26 PM Josh!: You crawl through the smaller door, being the curious little bugger you are. But, curiousity killed the cat in this case: it wasn't a candle, but really a man-eating moose.
11:45:27 PM Josh!: THE END
11:45:36 PM Taylor: haha
11:45:37 PM Josh!: Do you cheat and go back to the previous page? Y/N
11:45:41 PM Taylor: Y
11:45:45 PM Josh!: k
11:45:50 PM Josh!: You stumble upon a room, each wall with a door. One door leads to a soda, the other, a different soda. A smaller door leads to an unidentified scented candle.
11:45:53 PM Taylor: wait do you have this book?
11:45:56 PM Josh!: To choose door 1, go to page 3.
11:46:00 PM Taylor: or is it on the internet
11:46:00 PM Josh!: To choose door 3, go to page 75.
11:46:04 PM Josh!: To choose the small door, go to page 900.
11:46:14 PM Taylor: page 3
11:48:17 PM Josh!: You turn the knob slowly leading to door one. The wood paneling creeks. You put one step in... and realize you're in no danger. No, there's just a window with the light gleaming onto a small yet fashionable table. On this table are two containers: One containing Orange Sierra Mist, the other a Coca-Cola. After realizing this, the door closes behind you automatically. A slow, blood-curdling voice comes out of no where, saying "You must choose one... or you die."
11:48:31 PM Josh!: To choose the Sierra Mist Orange, go to page 1337.
11:48:49 PM Josh!: To choose the Coca-Cola, go to page 1337101.
11:48:57 PM Taylor: 1337.
11:50:12 PM Josh!: You pick up the Sierra Mist. "Here goes..." You feel the sweat coming down your forehead, thinking wether or not you made the right choice. The bottle feels cool, refreshing. You decide it's better to just get it over with, and you tilt your head back and take a couple drinks.
11:50:23 PM Josh!: Continue to page 9000.
11:50:33 PM Taylor: 9000
11:51:31 PM Josh!: You let out a refreshing "Ahhhh." The Sierra Mist seemingly tastes normal, and tastes quite good running down your throat. You wipe the sweat off your forehead and take a seat on the ground. But, just then, something... strange begins to happen.
11:51:44 PM Josh!: Say your prayers and continue to page 12345.
11:51:50 PM Taylor: 12345
11:56:30 PM Josh!: At first, your stomach begins to rumble. Feeling sick, you lay on your left side. Your skin quickly becomes a white pale, and your eye whites begin to yellow. You feel your fingernails growing at an alarming and shockingly quick rate. The walls begin to draw away, or so you think. The door opens, and gasping for air you steadily move towards it. Creeping with a limp leg, you return to your initial starting place, where you collapse with consciencness failing. But, with your last open eye-light, you see a sign on the label of the Sierra Mist. You look closer, with your teeth beginning to rattle and nose bleeding, and it says with a very subjective print: "You just lost the game". The End.
11:57:50 PM Taylor: NOOOOOOO
11:57:52 PM Taylor: I
11:57:53 PM Taylor: just
11:57:54 PM Taylor: lost
11:57:55 PM Taylor: the
11:57:56 PM Taylor: game
11:58:03 PM Josh!: HAH!


...I then preceded into the kitchen to get an Orange Sierra Mist. It was delicious.

Soda Jelly Beans STICKREVIEW!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still alive. I've been doing science and I was still alive. While you're dying I'll be still alive. And when you're dead I'll be still alive.

...All horrible Portal references aside, I just kind of said eff it to my blog for a while. I was getting bored, basically. But now I realized that it was more boring not thinking all day about what to write in this said blog than to skip it entirely. So I'm back to stay, but with that said, I probably won't write a new a article every day. (RHYME! BOOM!)

Anyway, what I'm here for is to show you something that I've been searching for forever... the highly collectible SODA POP SHOPPE JELLY BELLY BOX.
Its gourmet.

It may really not be THAT rare in question, but just look at it. It's one of those commonly sold things that just begs to be an item that in some 20 years the average nostalgic High School Musical-generation kid has to blog about. I promise that will be the longest sentence of this post tonight.

Anyways, this container of joyous jelly beans includes six popular soda brands and flavors... Orange Crush, A&W Root Beer, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, A&W Cream Soda, and Grape Crush. Dr. Pepper ftw, but where's my Vault flavored Jelly Belly?? Coke... pitch a meeting as soon as you get this message.

Well, let's have a little look-see now, shall we? First up, Grape Crush.

Ah, Grape Crush. The younger, less attractive sister of Orange Crush. I never really liked Grape Crush that much. It was just always kind of... there, right next to Orange.

But, alas, I sample the jelly bean. Although I don't drink the pop often, I knew that it really didn't have the zing to be called the Grape Crush soda-flavored Jelly Belly. Kind of just tastes like a sharp grape one. But... I guess it tastes good?

3 out of 5 Grape Jelly Beans
---


I can't say it was really too hard finding Orange Crush in a bag full of white and brownish colored beans. Upon first bite, I realize it tastes... like Orange Crush.

The difference between a Crush bean and a plain orange one is that I guess they paid attention to the sweetness of the soda. I would say it tastes sweeter. So, uh, yeah. If you've ever had an Orange Crush, you'd immediately recognize it.

4 out of 5 R.E.M.'s
---


Guess what time it is? Hammertime Time to be a pepper! Dr. Pepper was pretty much the flavor I only bought this box for, as when I opened it I rummaged threw the bag like a kid digs in his box of Cap'n Crunch for a Batman toy.

It took me a while to find it, but it was great. Maybe its my totally unbiased opinion from my hatred of Dr. Pepper, but this is probably the best of the box. Artificial fizz, great flavor, it's good to be a pepper. (shameless advertisement slogans two for two tonight!)

90 out of 5 Mana-mana's
---


I have a confession. I actually had the A&W Root Beer one before I found Dr. Pepper, but I felt the Dr. should be above it. And there's reason.

This one felt kind of bland compared to the others. I mean, its root beer flavored, it has that. But I couldn't taste as much of the nice fizz they could create like they did for Dr. Pepper and Orange Crush. Maybe it's because this bean was actually the first soda-flavored bean to hit the market, further creating other monsters. Kind of like how Gizmo from Gremlins was nice, innocent, and couldn't do crap while his evil clones could destroy the entire city and sing Snow White tunes. It's still good though... just, not EVIL GREMLINS QUALITY.

3 out of 5 Amburgers and Woot Beers
---

Mmmm. That was the reaction from the 7-Up jelly bean.

It actually doesn't taste EXACTLY like the soda, but you can easily detect the lemon and lime. It has a LOT of the fizz, just like the drink, which is an added plus. It has the most kick of the whole bag, hands down. Maybe it's better than the Dr. Pepper one? DR. PEPPER FOR LIFE BABY

5 out of 5 The Spot's
---

And lastly, the A&W Cream Soda Jelly Bellys.

Uhh... tastes like cream. Not cream soda. No fizz.

THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING
THIS SUCKS

1 out of 5 Lawsuits
---

Well kids, there you have it. Jelly Belly Soda Pop Shop. In stores everywhere.

But, before I go, one last picture just for you:

...DR. PEPPER FOR LIFE

Special Guest Article: FROM AIDAN

You're never going to get a Pikachu plushie.
Ever. So just give up.
Never gonna get it.
Oh yeah, make Augie stop with the face-crotch. Really.

HI, I'M DAISY

{This original blog post has been translated into Princess Daisy-ian.}

HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY.


HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY.

HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY.

HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY.

HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY.

{End of Babbelfish translation.}

And that's why I like Princess Daisy.
Its my blog, and I'll do what I want, mmkay?

Sit Right There, I'll tell you all about how Will Smith became the BEST GUY EVER... of Bel-Air?


So, as you probably have heard, there's a new movie coming out staring everybody's favorite Fresh Prince, Will Smith. It's called Hancock (You! In the back! Stop giggling!), and it's about some superhero who the public generally dislikes. I personally will always have a place in my heart for a superhero who's usually drunk, throws kids just for fun, and raps about moving to Bel-Air. Anyways, its safe to say Will Smith is one of my favorite actors of all time.

But, I bet you didn't even know how Will even got to where he is today, did you? That's a no.

Well. Looks like I'll have to show you how great Will Smith is and how great Will Smith's life is. Not only because of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, no! Everything else is just AWESOME.

I'll try not to make as many Fresh Prince references as possible. Here goes...



Will Smith, His Royal Freshness, was born around 7 or 8 when he yelled to the womb "yo holmes smell ya later!". He was pronounced Prince right on the spot, along with his abnormally large ears.

West Philadelphia was where he was born and raised. Some say on the playground is where Will spent most of his days. You know, chilling out, maxing, and of course, relaxin' all cool. Him and his friend Jazzy Jeff would play some basketball outside the school, eatin' barbeque and putting those whiteys to shame in b-ball.

Well, you see, those whiteys mentioned earlier were ROBOT BEARS IN DISGUISE. They beat up Jazz and Willie. The kids came home BAWing, when The Prince's mom got scared. Those Robot Bears mean business, you know! She told him that he's moving with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air, as California is a Robot Bear free zone.

Will cried, but snuck Jazz in his briefcase, so it ALL good!

When the Fresh Prince and Jazz got into Bel-Air, they realized how pissed off their parents made them. How could they send them all the way over here? Will had heard things about them boozing wine and all that. Is this REALLY the type of place where they could send this cool cat?! Jazz, being observant, saw a nearby recording studio. This could be their big break! He told Will this, and he added how he now didn't think so, he'll see when he gets there, to sit on his throne as the new Prince of Bel-Air!

You see, Will was the rapper, and Jazz was the DJ. So, being clever, they released a CD called He's the DJ, I'm the Rapper. They also made songs, apparently. One was about how parents don't understand them although they're grown men, one was about how women aren't nothing but trouble although Will and Jazz aren't gay, and one about fighting Mike Tyson. Somebody's been playing a little too much Punch-Out!!

With their clever lyrics (So kids all across the land... parents just don't understand!), they became SUPAHSTARS. People loved them!

But then... IT HAPPENED.

One of the whiteys followed Will and Jazz... and he ATE JAZZ.

HE EFFIN ATE JAZZ!


Will became clinically depressed.

The only thing he could do to ease all the pain was destroy alien scum while dressed in black.
Everything pretty much just went down hill from there.

I drew this, shut up

Poor Fresh Prince. All he ever loved... had passed him by. But! Hope was not lost!

One day he MAGICALLY GOT SUPERPOWERS. He could fly! He was momentarily happy...

...that is, until he flew into an apartment complex and ran into a baby at 66mph. The baby sadly didn't make it.

So... these were Will's dark hours. He turned to drinking. HEAVY alcohol.

This went on for about 5 years... until one day, he was sitting on top of a building.

He was drinking, as usual. But in the distance, Will Smith saw a cab. It was coming near! The license plate said Fresh and there were di-

BOOM.
The taxi cab that The Prince saw was REALLY coming near him. And it sadly smashed our brave hero. If he wasn't looking so closely into the contents of the cab, he might still be here today....

The "Fresh" Prince has officially become "Spoiled".

But his legacy lives on, all through us. In our souls, we all hold a piece of Will Smith's heart.

Also, through the 90s, a sitcom based on his personality and how he wanted to live his life was made. It was titled the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The theme song contains hidden lyrics that chronicle his certain death, as you can tell.

And the upcoming movie Hancock? That film really chronichles the last few weeks on Earth featuring Will Smith.

...

OKAY, SO THIS IS ALL MADE UP. Sheesh, you can't come to my blog ALWAYS finding true facts, you know. Sheesh. Go to wikipedia if you want to read Will's life story...

Well kids, I won't be able to write for the next few days as I won't be near a computer.

Don't BAWWWWW! I'll be back before you know it.

Have a happy Fourth of July, everyone. Honor our country's birthday, eat cookies, and all that.

...UNCLE PHIL WAS NOT MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE. THAT'S MESSED UP, YO.

DuckTales... RAHH-VEWW-OOU (see what I did there?)

Well, men, we've made it.
First Jlog Summer Jamboree post GO!
...*cough* An'ways...

I want you to go back in time for a second. Remember a time when it was worth getting up Saturday mornings with your bowl of sugar-coated cereal and superhero pajamas? A time when the only good shows for your near-ADD brain were shown on weekends? A time when those shows were actually GOOD?

That time, my friends, was anytime before 2000. On specific topic, the 1980s. Yes, the 80s... the era of bright colors, large hair, and, of course, Madonna. But the 80s were known to not only delight small children with explicit songs - they also had great cartoons.

But perhaps the greatest of all was the Disney-produced DuckTales.
AHH-WOO-OOU

Yup, DuckTales. I know that the people reading this probably weren't alive during the original run (including me, but they still showed it afterward you know...), I'll give you a recap: Donald Duck leaves Huey, Dewey, and Louie to their rich jerkwad great uncle, Scrooge McDuck. Which doesn't make sense for the following reasons:
1) Where's the parenting here? "I have to leave my nephews with someone... let's just choose the guy who used to treat me like crap as a kid!"
2) Why is Scrooge still mean? Where's the continuity from Mickey's Christmas Carol?
3) This doesn't have to do with really anything but... why is everyone in Duckburg (other than Donald's family)... DOGS?
4) ...WTF is a "great uncle"??

But yeah. In a nutshell, Uncle Scrooge and the nephews have to fight bad guys and protect their fortune and find treasure and... well, it gets pretty random. But all that matters is how amazing that show was. I remembered this, having not seen the show in years, and decided why not just watch the pilot?

So... I did, of course.

After watching the intro, I remembered how beautiful that opening sequence is, you know. It's the first episode, nobody knows whats going on, but the ducks don't care. They'll adventure all they want!

That's what I used to love about 80s and 90s TV show intros. Nothing made sense to the average viewer. In DuckTales, the intro was so packed-full of action that once you finish, you may need to clean up after you spew all over the couch!*
*you won't really spew.

Here, we experience ADVENTURE LIKE NEVER BEFORE, including the ducks walking down some stairs, diving into some money, kissing sharks, and EVEN laughing. HOLY SMOKES! Of course, they also do some mummy awakening, robots playing hockey, and falling into lava pits, if you're into that sort of crap. Which I know you are personally not.

But enough of this. Into the actual episode.


We open with ol' Scrooge McDuck diving into his huge pit of gold. It shows him swimming threw it, jumping in and out, you know, the usual shmeel. But, I shout UNREALISTIC. You know why? Have you ever tried to swim through gold coins? It ain't easy. The coins are hard to push, you know. And when you dive into METAL coins, it kind of hurts. Plus, how do you breath??

Ugh.

Then Scrooge realizes he has to pick up his nephews. He gets on his evenin' clothes and takes a walk through the city, pimp-slapping whoever asks him for money as he walks by. (What, you thought he just HAD the money? ...I keed, I keed...)

So Donald Duck is there, hands over his kids, and says he's joining the Navy.

WAAAAAIT A MINUTE.

Since when did the government accept ducks into military positions?! These kind of things make me pissed to be an American. A duck has a higher and better job than me. A HUMAN.

Anywho, Scrooge is all like "BAAAH" and doesn't really care that he is a father now. He also makes the children walk THREE MILES to his house, although you see him take a cab to the dock where they meet. I don't think Scrooge really minds... his webbed feet have SOCKS ON. Do the kids? No. Child abuse. No, even worse.

ANIMAL-CHILD ABUSE.

Huey, Dewey, and Louie get there... but are issued the attic. Scrooge McDuck tells his butler to watch the kids while he's working his hoes at the candy factory.

They precede to be severely neglected, until days later the butler returns up to the attic to give them a letter from Donald.

He tells them about the Navy and things like that. Donald is a true American hero, you know. He single-handedly defeated Hitler during World War II, after all.

Later on, the runts sneak into Scrooge's job, ninja like.

Scrooge gets pissed.

In the above picture, Scrooge is getting ready to give a nice back-slappin' show the kids around the delightful candy factory!

Later, however, the nephews get into more trouble by finding one of Scrooge's antique boats. Scrooge yells some more. Nephews don't mean it. Yadda yadda yadda.

Then we meet the Beagle Boys. They're in jail, but the cops are stupid enough to allow them to get gifts. Which, of course were bombs. This Beagle Boy ate one, hence the beautiful picture I took. They escaped. No effort from cops to catch them, though. It's a cartoon.

The Beagle Boys had to find the mysterious El Capitan to find out why he sent them bombs. He told them to get Scrooge's ship. Gee, you think? Why else would they put importance on the ship earlier? Oh well, I guess I'm just observant. Or something.

So, here, we see a half naked Scrooge McDuck being washed by his butler. It wasn't long until I said it was gay. Scrooge also talks about how the nephews aren't that bad, and that he was going to make it up to them in the morning....

Also, somewhat disturbingly, Huey, Dewey, and Louie watched an old man bathe for a short period.

Duckburg is effin messed up.

The kids run away, only to find the Labrador Boys attempting to steal that boat thing. We learn there is a treasure map inside the boat! HOLY CRAP

The nephews save the day however, and the Chihuahua Club seem to escape RIGHT when Scrooge comes in the room, to see Huey and those other guys with rhyming names.

They get severely beaten.

But the next day, they went to the Austrailian Shepherd Gang's hideout and take the ship. Scrooge believes them and everythings nice and stuff YAY THE END

I know I didn't really explain the end. THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. They save the day and stuff, like every cartoon does. And hug.

Well, thanks for reading my professional review. I hope to be featured in my very own television broadcast someday. Yup.

Oh, almost forgot, I have a present for you.


Yup, the best theme song in the freaking world for you to feast your ears upon. Enjoy. Put it on your iTunes, whatever. I don't even care.

Also, if you look to your right (actually, scroll up and THEN look to your right), there's a poll sitting there. I want you to keep checking it and vote please. It just might cause WORLD HUNGER TO END. True fact, you know.

...ahhwoooou

............>=(

Uhhhhh, just kidding.

So, umm, BLOGGER DELETED HALF OF MY BLOG POST FOR NO REASON.

It was all there... and then I scroll up to the top and BAM.

Baleted.

I have the other half in the drafts, so don't worry, it's not a total failure. I'll just finish it all tomorrow because I'm dead tired and have been working for three hours.

Don't worry, I'll give you yesterday's and today's later. So yeah, sorry and stuff....

Anticlimatic jamboree opening, I know...

So, in the comments, I want you to tell me about the saddest day of your life so I don't feel so bad. K?

...=(