Captain's Log: School, Week 1. Space Time...

Oh hey again. I just thought I would write a continuation for those who slightly care about how school is a-going. So this is basically how it's rolling:

Period 1 - English
I don't really like English anymore if it keeps going like this. I have Beckman, and her class is really boring. She made us do this thing about the story of our lives, including writing a poem, making a collage, and drawing a road map all on a silhouette of our heads. At least I get the chance to make jokes about Bruce from Family Guy while I'm being bored with other people.

Period 2 - World Civ
I sit by people who I never talk to at all, but other than that it hasn't been horrible. There are some people I can hang out with when we do projects or whatever, but overall I don't think it will be that bad.

Period 3 - Bio Lab
Yeah, I don't take back the most boring class ever phrase I said before. Brasted has a boring voice, and she makes us write what we're doing that day for some reason. Which I don't get why because she makes us also keep a list of assignments and the day we did them all, as well as keeping the agendas on the board all day.... Oh, and I sit by really awkward guys. Pretty much sucks.

Period 4 - Geometry
This is the class with the awkward teacher who doesn't stop stretching his legs, talking in a high and low-sound voice, and talks about irrelevant things like Olympic running right in the middle of a lesson. Uhh, what? He has a really messy handwriting too, plus with me sitting in the way back, I sometimes don't get what he's writing. For all I know he's drawing some guys running in Beijing. But, while it sucks to sit in the back, it's also an advantage as I can see out the door and into the classroom across the way, which I have friends in. So I can totally wave like the cool guy I am.

Period 5 - P.E.
P.E. sounds like it will be pretty cool. I actually have friends in this class, unlike my previous periods which is unlucky, so I'm glad. We haven't even been doing anything all week either, so I've just been able to chill and talk. But I have a military general for a teacher - he seems like he can be alright at times, but he'll screw you up if you make one wrong move. So I'm trying my best not to get on his bad side.

Period 6 - French
Ahh, French. Not my favorite subject, but my favorite class from yesteryear, as you probably know by now. This year is even more interesting - our Period 1 from 9th grade always knew we were the best class, but not like THIS. See, this period has a majority from the only other period from last year, with 5 people from my class. And, as it turns out, almost EVERY SINGLE (and I'm not exagerating!) one of them are quiet and kind of awkward. But from our class? Not so much. We're usually yelling and laughing the entire time while they watch. Our teacher doesn't really care because we're usually still paying attention (usually... *cough*), and now the others are starting to kind of lighten up. But, apparently there's a reoccuring joke in the class that I have poofy hair. But we can get into that later =P.

So yeah, there's your status report, you belly-rubbers.

I'll write an article tomorrow, promise!


Today was my first day of school... and frankly it wasn't very exciting. It just felt like summer never happened. Which sucks.

Here's a review in 3 words or less.

First Period - English: Awkward people.
Second Period - World Civ: Don't know anyone.
Third Period - Bio Lab: BORING-EST CLASS EVER
Fourth Period - Geometry: Awkward teacher.
Fifth Period - PE: Hopefully alright.
Sixth Period - French: Awkward but hilarious.

...that's it. I've been falling asleep ever since I got home, but I drank a liter of Coke and now I'm awake. That may not be good. But yeah.

Maybe updates tomorrow or whatever.

School, Red Rings, Fancy Shoes, and an UPDATE!

Ugh. Less than three days until Hell rises in the form of school. Actually, when put into a different perspective, that's 65 hours until the first bell rings for sophomore year. Only 65 hours.

I'm only a little bit anxious to get back into the swing of things like seeing friends again, but then again, so far the only class I have with the people I hang out with is French. I know I'll probably meet more people, but it kind of sucks. PLUS I need to make a decision if I want to see if I can get into an English Honors class last minute, and if I decide to do so, my whole schedule will change.

But I'm not only pessimistic! I'm Josh. I can't wait to go back to my regular, obnoxious rituals of passing the That's What She Saids left and right and making awkward moments while talking about black guys and A-1 steak sauce.

But anyways... here's a random post o' fun.



If you remember my post from a while back, you would've have known that my Xbox 360, did, in fact, die. But this time, it didn't pull a Phoenix - it's gone.

The night it passed away in it's sleep (No, I am NOT being too dramatic about it!) I went onto and registered my console so they could send me a box with the shipping and handling payed so when I got it I could send off my Xbox in that, free of charge, to the ol' repair shop. Along with that, they sent me a UPS tracking code so I could see if the guys in those big trucks were slacking on the job.

And, sadly, they are.

Uhh. What does a "special event" have to do with interfering with getting in a truck and sending me my box?! You're a postal service - why don't you just send it to a WORKING post office so they can send me it?

But no. They're making us go up all the way to Newbury Park for a BOX. So much for this being free...

They never even said what was so special about this event. What, did your building get termites and now you have a huge circus tent over the place and you can't go inside? You know what, that's not even ridiculous enough. My bets are on the workers are just too lazy to do their own freaking job.

According to the Xbox website, minus the costs it takes to ship to and fro, it takes 3-4 weeks for them to get it fixed. Which really means "screw you, we'll finish fixing it whenever we feel like it."

I'm missing Rock Band 2 for sure now.


Guess who got awesome shoes? Not you.

A couple days ago I had to come to the conclusion that I needed new clothes for school. So I went down to Pac Sun and got clothes and stuff, but the cool part of it was that I went to Vans and got some insane slip-ons to hang out with my already awesome skull ones I bought a while back. The thing was I got them for 30$ which, I think, is pretty good. Totally good.

But I couldn't live at school with just slip-ons, so I got these puppies too.

Yup, you see correctly. Black, green, and purple shoes. I'm just that awesome.


Alright, now is the time to dig your memory. Remember that time way back towards the end of school when I went on a field trip to a French restaurant and I got that pepper steak? Well, the steak was pretty okay. I thought it was alright.

But, now I'm not so sure about that answer. I could've potentially been eating mold in my food. Here's why...

So, uh, that very same restaurant I went to was on KITCHEN NIGHTMARES WITH GORDON RAMSAY, the yelling British guy from Hell's Kitchen. And at the end of the show, he didn't use any of the improvements that Chef Ramsay gave him. That worries me.


Oh, maybe a new article tomorrow or tonight. Depends on if I feel like it.

The "Josh 9th Grade English Mandatory Blog" BLOG ARCHIVE.

So... summer is pretty much done. Over. Gone forever (not really). Tomorrow I have to get up early and head over to the school to get my first semester schedule. I guess this year Camarillo is lazy and won't just mail them to you like last year. It sucks, but I might be able to punch some people across the face while I sit in line waiting to know how my fate will turn out this year. (PLEASE GOD, DON'T GIVE ME MS. THEE AGAIN)

Anyway, something just reminded me of our blogs we had to do for English in Mrs. Gonzalez's class. It was a pretty good idea - whatever written homework we had, like poems or essays, would be posted onto the blog instead of physically handing them in. That included all of my insane Chuck Norris and 80s treasures I wrote about. Some of the entries were from stuff the teacher passed back to us, and everyone else in the class could read it when it was our day to go to the library or whatever. We could even decorate the backgrounds and stuff.

So it was pretty cool in my eyes, considering it was school anyways. But sadly, this was Mrs. Gonzalez's last year at Cam High, which could potentially kill all of the blog posts whenever it was deemed too inactive or she decided to take it down. I just found the old link through some heavy-Googling and before everything gets thrown away, I'll save it a comfy home in this nice old blog of mine.

So, without further ado, here's my old school English blog, including just-written explanations, in all it's entirety...
"This Blog is better than You", Period 4. By Josh.

About the Blogger
This blog is probably better than yours. No question. by josh


I Live in TV
Posted on Febuary 21, 2008 at 2:12 PM
[We were given some poem called "I Live in Music" and we were supposed to change everything in the original to something that interested us. Everybody was doing the same lame thing, like nature or video games. I spiced mine up a little. And yes, I really turned this in as is.]

by the Josh

I live in TV
This isn't where you live
I live here in TV
I live on 21 Jump Street
My friend lives Bel Air
You probably don't live here in TV
Bill Nye the Science Guy
Runs round me like robots to other folks
Gilligan pours water on my face
Cold as the anger in Chuck Norris' eye
Hot like random stuff blowing up I rub my lips
Thinking they waz Alf
I got Saved by the Bell when other people got nothing
& a 62 inch plasma screen for both sides of my heart
I walk round in the news like somebody else
be walkin' on the Earth
I live in channels
Eat in the Food Network
Breath on Oxygen
I can even smell it
Wear TV on my head
You can watch Cops
Ya could make an American Idol where your arm is
Hold yourself in TV
Or something, I don't know, I'm done with this poem


FREE VERSE - An Ode to Chuck Norris
Posted on Febuary 28, 2008 at 8:15 PM
[We were assigned a little over a week long project where we had to use every main form of poetry. I decided that this was going to be really boring unless I did something insanely awesome. And knowing me, I did.]

And Ode to Chuck Norris
by Josh Serrano.

Chuck Norris, the most powerful person one will ever meet
Seeing Chuck Norris will make your brain explode
Hearing Chuck Norris makes ears crumble
Touching Chuck Norris sends waves of fire up your arms
There's no question about it.
Chuck Norris is crazy cool.
Some say he can shatter one's very soul
from all the power and force in his Roundhouse Kick.
Nothing in this universe can compare to the Chuck
while not even the universe can compare to Chuck Norris.
But at the end of the day,
planets still revolve around the sun, right?
the sun revolves around Chuck Norris.



ACROSTIC - Chuck Norris
Posted on February 28, 2008 at 8:42 PM
[For this one, we had to write a poem about whatever we wanted, but what we chose had to spell the the word/phrase when looking at the first letters in every sentence downwards. Guess what I chose...]

Chuck Norris
by Josh Serrano.

Chuck Norris is a man-god
He can probably eat your soul
Under these circumstances, he actually is going to eat your soul
Cause he's cool like that.
Killing is Chuck's hobby
Nobody can beat him
Others have tried...
Real smart, because they have yet to come back.
Reason #90012 Chuck Norris is better than you.
I think Chuck Norris is cool
So you should too.


EPITAPH - The Death of a Legend
Posted on February 28, 2008 at 9:02 PM
[You know the writing they put on gravestones under the name that describes the dead guy? Well, apparently you use poems on them. So, mine, dealing with death, is of course tragic...]

The Death of a Legend
by Josh Serrano.

Although here his body lies,
everyone knows
Chuck Norris can not die.
While his victims have fallen,
you can still hear them bawlin',
from the roundhouse kick Chuck used
through utter pain and abuse.
So, we gather here today and while we forget less,
it seems as Death has finally caught Chuck Norris...
but Chuck Norris had really caught Death.


FOUND POEM - Chun Kuk Do
Posted on February 28, 2008 at 9:18 PM
[This one wasn't very exciting actually. We had to go into a book/text, put some phrases together, and make a poem out of it. It's not easy finding things written about Chuck Norris that weren't vulgar, so I went deeper and looked into a website about Chuck's martial art strategy. Intense...]

Chun Kuk Do
by Josh Serrano.

Chun Kuk Do, the universal way
a defensive combat, an open style
colored belts, rank and skill like most martial
a Code of Ethics, used by all practitioners
"I will develop myself to the maximum of my
potential in all ways."
"Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to
greater achivements."
"Look for the good in all people and make them
feel worthwhile."
"Maintain respect for those in authority and
demonstrate respect at all times."
"Always remain loyal to God, my country, my
family, and my friends."
not just kicking and striking, a style of
fighting... a way of life

(text found from here:


CONCRETE - The Face of Chuck
Posted on February 28, 2008 at 9:29 PM
[Concrete poems are poems that seem to resemble a picture based on the object of the poem. Little did we know that when we submitted something to the blog that it would reformat, so they're all kind of eff'ed up. Just deal with it - it was supposed to look like Chuck Norris' head, and no way I'm going to put it all back together again. Chuck ain't no egg.]

The Face of Chuck
by Josh Serrano.

Can you believe how crazy cool the
Chuck is? His face is the most
intimidating thing anybody will
life --- ---
with his eyes
as he
stares into your soul. His
goatee and sideburns make
Chuck look even more fright-
ening, be- cause
under his beard
is not a chin,
but really just another
fist. Nobody can even
compare to the Chuck.

(the poem is in the shape of a face, with "---" being eyebrows, "his eyes" being eyes, and the words at the bottom being a goatee and a spot for the mouth)


HAIKU - Dr. Pepper
Posted on Febuary 28, 2008 at 9:33 PM
[Here's the last of that project's poems. I was drinking a Dr. Pepper at the time, and thought I should give some credit to the another great soda. And you probably know what a haiku is.]

Dr. Pepper
by Josh Serrano.

The Dr. Pepper,
a delicious miracle,
never disappoints.


Weintraub's Article ESSAY
Posted on April 29, 2008 at 1:59 PM
[For about a month we were studying this packet of newspaper articles about fast food companies getting people fat, which we had to decide whose fault it was - the person buying the food or the restaurants. Here's the essay we had to write about one article...]

Weintraub’s article “The Battle Against Fast Food Begins in the Home”, the author blames parents for the rising rate of obesity in children, opposed to the fast food industry. Many people, especially parents, are blaming companies such as McDonalds for the way children are eating unhealthily. Although I do agree that fast food companies are using advertisements to lure kids into their restaurants, I agree with how Weintraub thinks that parents need to step up and stop blaming others for their own obvious mistakes.
When I was a lot younger, my parents would send me to McDonalds about once a week for a Happy Meal. I didn’t think anything of it, other than my parents being nice and giving me a treat for food. I had no idea about nutrition facts. Heck, I thought you could only get fat from eating way too much. But what ended up happening to me was I would get sick every month, maybe even more. And although I was born into a family with a high metabolism, I understood I was getting unhealthier. My parents noticed this and stopped sending me to the McDonalds Playground all the time, and tried getting more homemade meals into my diet. They never once blamed the restaurants for being unhealthy, and instead took this upon their selves to get me back into shape.
Weintraub explains his thoughts on the matter, and I didn’t think he could be more spot-on. He says although his family isn’t the healthiest in the world, he tries to do the best he and his wife can to show his children what eating right should be all about. Kids have absolutely no understanding of how the human stomach works, or how to get fat. Parents need to try to explain to them that even though Wendy’s and Baskin Robbins trips twice a week sounds good, it will be bad for them when they grow up. Show them that healthy food can be good too, and try to make homemade meals when the parents are home. Hey, even getting smaller portions of food when eating out will help young ones and affect the way they think about ordering fast food in the future.
So in conclusion, parents got to stand up and take action, not just sit around and whine that McDonalds made their kids fatties. Is Burger King shoving milkshakes and fries down your kids’ throats? It’s the parents who are giving money to their children. It’s the parents who are buying them burgers instead of salads. It’s the parents who ultimately influence the way children eat.


The 80s!
Posted on June 2, 2008 at 1:50 PM
[This was the last post I put into the blog only a week before school was let out. We had to write a summary about the book we were reading using a worksheet... basically it was just a fill in the blank. And of course I was reading a Time Life book on the 80s.]

If you enjoy the decades, nostalgia, and big hair, then you should read The 80s, a nonfiction book by The Editors of Time Life magazine. It tells the intense story of pop culture, politics, and happenings during the 1980s which changed the way people looked at the world, such as articles and timelines including music, movies, and the life of Ronald Reagan. The best part of the book is when the writers talk about how songs featured more electronic sounds from the rising popularity of computers, and also how movies were becoming more complex with special effects. After reading it, I have learned that the 80s was a pretty awesome time to live in, and also led up to many things that are still used today. Intense and freaking crazy, this book is definitely a you-must-read-it-now-read!

And there you go. My 9th Grade English 1 Blog. So, uh, yeah.


Yeah, yeah, you might be thinking - when does this guy ever stop talking about food? I'm sorry, but this will be the last for a while, promise! Wait, no, Pinky swear! Now that's commitment.

Short article tonight, because I don't have much to say (still recovering from my recent loss). But I went back to that liquor store and although not very rare, thought I'd bring this home just for you readers.

This time it's Squirt: Citrus Power. Other than sounding like a dirty movie, this new version of Squirt is apparently an official "ENERGIZED REFRESHMENT". I guess the 7Up company is trying to capitalize on the Monster-grown generation of kiddies.

All I could see that was energizing was caffeine. How unoriginal. I realized that this was nothing compared to Vault or Mountain Dew - at only about 73mg of caffeine per serving, that doesn't beat Vault's 130mg. So, I declare a FAIL.

Time to taste and stuff. Because that's what you do with soda.

When you open it, no bubbles really fizz up other than this crown of fizz. Which is weird. But I took a sip.


It's not very good. It tastes like Squirt, all right... but, a lot more sharp, a lot less fizzy, and more citrus-y. Tastes like an overload of ... vitamins or something like that.

But, after drinking it for a while (and spilling a good share of it on my desk...), it woke me up. Which isn't very good, seeing as I'm trying to go to bed early to get ready to get up early for school again. Oh well, it was worth it.

Wait... no it wasn't.


How long will this chain of frequent posts last? I dunno, lets find out tomorrow!



So, uh, who's up for some Mario Kart?

Burger King Potato Chips!

I promised you an article today, and here it is, early!

A couple weeks ago (that same weekend that I had received a guest article from Aidan) the parents went up to the usual liquor store where we buy random soda and candy every once in a while. Apparently this time they found something stranger, however...
Burger King "Flame Broiled Flavored Potato Snacks"!

So, uh, there's a lot of questions to be asked about this picture, I'm presuming. What exactly is a "Flame-Broiled" flavor? How does it taste like anything relating to Burger King? Why can't we just get Whopper-flavored chips?

I had no idea what to think about this. The bag looks inviting, but they never explained what flame-broiled apparently tastes like. I was starting to think they intentionally flavor-blasted them with rusty stove metal from some Burger King in LA.

I decided to investigate this further and looked on the back...
Actually, its 54 years.

Not once on the back of the bag did they mention anything regarding the potato-snacks in question. At this point I was beginning to lose hope in the King. First it was the promise of a Pikachu plush which they didn't deliver, and now chips without an actual flavor.

But wait-
"Crispy punch" in the "hearty flavor".

Now we're going somewhere!... well, kinda. The corporate overlords describe the snack as hearty, crispy, and crunchy, but again nothing about the actual chip. Which worried me. If the makers can't even slightly describe the taste, are they even licensed to make junk food?

That's when I realized that I've been had.

The chips weren't meant to taste good! They were just buying on the crowd of people who were curious about what a Burger King chip would taste like. Like me.

Still, I had to finish my quest and open up the bag...
The smell got out fast...

Upon opening the bag (wrapper?) a really strong smell escaped.

And without a doubt that was the worst smelling chip I've ever smelled.

I can't even describe it. It just... stinks. I also was disappointed to discover only a quarter of the bag had the rancid potatoes in it. Another marketing ploy - making the bag bigger that it should have been for more cash from a gross smelling chip.

Now... it was time to taste it.


...Chip tastes like butt.

It doesn't taste like a cheeseburger. Doesn't taste like fries. Doesn't taste like a milkshake. Doesn't taste like "fire". It just tastes like crap.

Despite what the wrapper says, it's not even that crispy. It's actually pretty soft, making it even WORSE - it's like eating a thin piece of week-old Bloomin' Onion. It left a really gross aftertaste in my mouth too, and sadly that Vault can you saw in the background was empty.

Ugh. I can still smell them even though they're on the other side of the table. I need a sandwhich now.

So, in conclusion, they probably just blended together old onions, a rotten pepper, and soft potatoes. As Tom Dickinson would say "Rotten Burger King chip smoke. Don't breath this."

But hey, at least these expire on my birthday.

BONUS! Want to see how much I hate Burger King Flame Broiled Potato Snacks? Well, here's a video!

Go to the actual YouTube video page to watch in high-quality


Your face when you went to the blog.

Yeah, I'm not being completely neglectful. I've not forgotten the dear Jlog, I've just been way lazy these past few weeks and busy too (if that makes sense).

You should notice a couple things... first, all the colors changed around! Well, yup, they are. Second, there's a new logo! Celebrating going back to school! YAY! And third, before you start complaining, I know it isn't up to par with my old ones, but it's not going to be on there forever so deal with it. And the actual "the JLOG" logo looks off because I accidentally deleted it off my computer forever IT WAS UGLY SO I CHANGED IT.

Oh, make sure you vote in the nice little poll on the right there. Just make me feel important by putting it there, okay?

Oh, here's someone I want you to meet...
This is Charles the video camera.

Yeah, I got the video camera I've been wanting for a really long time. I got some video plans, but I need to start a roundtable discussion or something and gather a couple friends to make sure we can make some quality videos TOTALLY on par with Smosh. (okay, maybe not... plus Smosh is pretty lame...)

Not only does it have a 30-gig built in harddrive and take 1080p HD video, it also takes pictures!
A picture straight from Charles just before that other picture was taken!

Pretty awesome, I know. With this new-found power, I can take video and pictures of random things for even MORE in-depth coverage of random food items, toys, or whatever. Me and Charles hang out a lot, so I'll probably be able to catch something weird if I'm out.

EDIT: Oh, I forgot... this is a video I took from my cousin's birthday this weekend. Here's the other cousin, Kyle, doing stuff. LOOK AT THAT HD WHOA

Click on the actual YouTube link to watch in HD because it looks way better. And in HD and stuff.

I just wanted to write that I'm still here and about recent news and all, but tomorrow I PROMISE I'll write a new something-something. I have this "item" right next to me, just so I won't forget.

Because I love you all so much.

...And sorry for the lack of wit in this post. COME BACK TOMORROW ALRIGHT BYE GUYS
Uh, oh yeah, sorry about the Summer Jamboree. I got bored. But times like these call to use a quote most-often said by the Oakland Raiders... hey, we'll get em next year!