"SQUIRT? WHAT'S YOUR POWER LEVEL?" "ITS OVER 9000!!!"

Yeah, yeah, you might be thinking - when does this guy ever stop talking about food? I'm sorry, but this will be the last for a while, promise! Wait, no, Pinky swear! Now that's commitment.

Short article tonight, because I don't have much to say (still recovering from my recent loss). But I went back to that liquor store and although not very rare, thought I'd bring this home just for you readers.

ENERGIZED REFRESHMENT. Serious business.

This time it's Squirt: Citrus Power. Other than sounding like a dirty movie, this new version of Squirt is apparently an official "ENERGIZED REFRESHMENT". I guess the 7Up company is trying to capitalize on the Monster-grown generation of kiddies.

All I could see that was energizing was caffeine. How unoriginal. I realized that this was nothing compared to Vault or Mountain Dew - at only about 73mg of caffeine per serving, that doesn't beat Vault's 130mg. So, I declare a FAIL.

Time to taste and stuff. Because that's what you do with soda.

When you open it, no bubbles really fizz up other than this crown of fizz. Which is weird. But I took a sip.

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It's not very good. It tastes like Squirt, all right... but, a lot more sharp, a lot less fizzy, and more citrus-y. Tastes like an overload of ... vitamins or something like that.

But, after drinking it for a while (and spilling a good share of it on my desk...), it woke me up. Which isn't very good, seeing as I'm trying to go to bed early to get ready to get up early for school again. Oh well, it was worth it.

Wait... no it wasn't.

JOSH REVIEW: Don't drink it. DRINK VAULT.

How long will this chain of frequent posts last? I dunno, lets find out tomorrow!

...SHOOT!

=(

So, uh, who's up for some Mario Kart?

Burger King Potato Chips!

I promised you an article today, and here it is, early!

A couple weeks ago (that same weekend that I had received a guest article from Aidan) the parents went up to the usual liquor store where we buy random soda and candy every once in a while. Apparently this time they found something stranger, however...

Burger King "Flame Broiled Flavored Potato Snacks"!

So, uh, there's a lot of questions to be asked about this picture, I'm presuming. What exactly is a "Flame-Broiled" flavor? How does it taste like anything relating to Burger King? Why can't we just get Whopper-flavored chips?

I had no idea what to think about this. The bag looks inviting, but they never explained what flame-broiled apparently tastes like. I was starting to think they intentionally flavor-blasted them with rusty stove metal from some Burger King in LA.

I decided to investigate this further and looked on the back...

Actually, its 54 years.

Not once on the back of the bag did they mention anything regarding the potato-snacks in question. At this point I was beginning to lose hope in the King. First it was the promise of a Pikachu plush which they didn't deliver, and now chips without an actual flavor.

But wait-

"Crispy punch" in the "hearty flavor".

Now we're going somewhere!... well, kinda. The corporate overlords describe the snack as hearty, crispy, and crunchy, but again nothing about the actual chip. Which worried me. If the makers can't even slightly describe the taste, are they even licensed to make junk food?

That's when I realized that I've been had.

The chips weren't meant to taste good! They were just buying on the crowd of people who were curious about what a Burger King chip would taste like. Like me.

Still, I had to finish my quest and open up the bag...

The smell got out fast...

Upon opening the bag (wrapper?) a really strong smell escaped.

And without a doubt that was the worst smelling chip I've ever smelled.

I can't even describe it. It just... stinks. I also was disappointed to discover only a quarter of the bag had the rancid potatoes in it. Another marketing ploy - making the bag bigger that it should have been for more cash from a gross smelling chip.

Now... it was time to taste it.

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...Chip tastes like butt.

It doesn't taste like a cheeseburger. Doesn't taste like fries. Doesn't taste like a milkshake. Doesn't taste like "fire". It just tastes like crap.

Despite what the wrapper says, it's not even that crispy. It's actually pretty soft, making it even WORSE - it's like eating a thin piece of week-old Bloomin' Onion. It left a really gross aftertaste in my mouth too, and sadly that Vault can you saw in the background was empty.

Ugh. I can still smell them even though they're on the other side of the table. I need a sandwhich now.

So, in conclusion, they probably just blended together old onions, a rotten pepper, and soft potatoes. As Tom Dickinson would say "Rotten Burger King chip smoke. Don't breath this."

But hey, at least these expire on my birthday.

BONUS! Want to see how much I hate Burger King Flame Broiled Potato Snacks? Well, here's a video!

Go to the actual YouTube video page to watch in high-quality

THE JLOG NEWS: STAY CLASSY SAN DIEGO

HOLY CRAP AN UPDATE WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA

Your face when you went to the blog.

Yeah, I'm not being completely neglectful. I've not forgotten the dear Jlog, I've just been way lazy these past few weeks and busy too (if that makes sense).

You should notice a couple things... first, all the colors changed around! Well, yup, they are. Second, there's a new logo! Celebrating going back to school! YAY! And third, before you start complaining, I know it isn't up to par with my old ones, but it's not going to be on there forever so deal with it. And the actual "the JLOG" logo looks off because I accidentally deleted it off my computer forever IT WAS UGLY SO I CHANGED IT.

Oh, make sure you vote in the nice little poll on the right there. Just make me feel important by putting it there, okay?

Oh, here's someone I want you to meet...

This is Charles the video camera.

Yeah, I got the video camera I've been wanting for a really long time. I got some video plans, but I need to start a roundtable discussion or something and gather a couple friends to make sure we can make some quality videos TOTALLY on par with Smosh. (okay, maybe not... plus Smosh is pretty lame...)

Not only does it have a 30-gig built in harddrive and take 1080p HD video, it also takes pictures!

A picture straight from Charles just before that other picture was taken!

Pretty awesome, I know. With this new-found power, I can take video and pictures of random things for even MORE in-depth coverage of random food items, toys, or whatever. Me and Charles hang out a lot, so I'll probably be able to catch something weird if I'm out.

EDIT: Oh, I forgot... this is a video I took from my cousin's birthday this weekend. Here's the other cousin, Kyle, doing stuff. LOOK AT THAT HD WHOA

Click on the actual YouTube link to watch in HD because it looks way better. And in HD and stuff.

I just wanted to write that I'm still here and about recent news and all, but tomorrow I PROMISE I'll write a new something-something. I have this "item" right next to me, just so I won't forget.

Because I love you all so much.

...And sorry for the lack of wit in this post. COME BACK TOMORROW ALRIGHT BYE GUYS
Uh, oh yeah, sorry about the Summer Jamboree. I got bored. But times like these call to use a quote most-often said by the Oakland Raiders... hey, we'll get em next year!