Return of the King.

And by that I mean two things:

1) ME.
2) The subject of tonight's post.

You should know by now how lazy and unproductive I get for the three out of four seasons of the year, and the moment Summer starts it all just explodes into a post-a-day brilliance you saw last Summer. Or you didn't, because you probably didn't read it. But seriously, you shouldn't just go take a look-see at the old writin's. They're, like, ew. No pictures. But yeah, I'm redesigning the blog so thats why everything has been in shambles. And as for the lack of content... no excuses, I'm a horrible person, yada yada yada.

Anyways! I've brought you here tonight to discuss something that just CAN NOT be ignored. If aliens were to land on the planet Earth with chocolate cake, I don't think this occurence could ailenate the one I'm about to talk about. This is so catastrophically big that even the rebirth of Jesus couldn't take the spotlight (sorry Jesus, we still cool right?).

What, am I talking about you ask?

It's the return...
of...

SHAMROCK SHAKES AT MCDONALD'S.


YEAH, I SAID IT.

SHAMROCK FREAKING SHAKES.



You don't even know how excited I was when I found these again. I was walking down the street with some people when one of my friends threw out in a monotone voice "Hey, I guess the Shamrock Shake's back." I know now how completely retarded I must have looked, but I honestly just stopped. And stared across the street at McDonald's. And held my mouth open unconsciously. And then some other things happened too. But I'm pretty sure my mind exploded.

Back in the late '90s I would go to McDonald's almost every day in March JUST for the festive Shamrock Shake. I was crazy about these things. I think I loved them more than life itself. Well, maybe that's not true, but it certainly did make St. Patrick's Day special for me and my friends around then.

So, if you've been living under an anti-awesome-things rock for the past 30 years, here's a little history lesson for you.


You might have thought the 1980s were all about heavy mousse usage, time traveling, pink tuxedos, and Duran Duran, but little did you know that, along with New Coke, the Shamrock Shake was the most long-lasting and greatest invention to come out of the period. McDonald's felt they weren't already subliminally brain washing kids through advertising enough, so they started producing commercials starring McDonaldland's Grimace and his very own uncle, Uncle O'Grimace, telling kids to celebrate Saint Patty's by drinking green milkshakes. Creative, isn't it? I guess they thought celebrating a special milkshake for Black History Month featuring Lil' Grimma would have been too controversial.

Anyways, the public still ate it up (wow, two puns in one post!), so much in fact that they added it to their seasonal dessert menu. One year, McDonald's even added a Shamrock Sundae to the roster. And well, its needless to say Ronald and the Hamburgler took a couple vacations with all the money they so shamelessly took. So, remember this, young business models: desserts based on racial profiling earns you tons of money!

According to McDonald's, Irish people are green

But, sadly, those days are gone. McDonald's have moved on to bigger and easier-money-related things. Shamrock Shakes were discontinued since at least 2000, when they began phasing them out. And even before that, Uncle O'Grimmacy stopped molesting little kids' minds in the late '90s.

It was a devastating blow to the millions of customers around the world. I mean, just look at what has happened since McDonald's discontinued the beloved shake. 9/11 occured. Hurricane Katrina swamped up houses. Even Nickelback became a best-seller. I believe Bush only started to become a sad president thanks to his quench for a Shamrock Shake through the years as well.

But, those days are over. We have OBAMA NOW. And I guess electing an African American president has already shown its effect on the world: McDonald's finally resurrected the Shamrock Shake. Hallelujah! 2009 is the best year in like the history of the WORLD.


So, what is a Shamrock Shake basically? All it is is a mint flavored milkshake. That's GREEN. Like, REALLY green.

Yeah. That's all it is.

"But wait a second, bucko!" you cry out from your spinny office chair. "I can get mint milkshakes anywhere! Why is one being sold by a clown any different?"

Well, that's exactly what I thought when I retried the Shamrock Shake for the first time in around 10 years. The moment I took my first sip, I realized it tasted EXACTLY the same as how I remembered it, and that taste... is pretty okay. I mean, its just mint. But for some reason you just can not forget or deny how good the shake really is. Its cheap... but its comforting. Kind of like coming home from college to see that your family dog and best friend growing up passed away... but hey! Look at that, there's a hot juicy meatloaf on the counter, just like Mom used to make. If you see what I mean.

That caused me to think, though. Why did I think these were the best thing since Vault back in the day? Was I an ignorant kid, with no other personal taste preferences to feed off of (oh wow, third pun)? Why were these the epitamy of St. Patrick's Day?

My guess? They didn't have juice boxes filled with Guiness at the time.

This girl is obviously thrilled for a Shamrock Shake.

So, that's pretty much all I have to say about the Shamrock Shake. It's delicious, but not really delicious, but is still addicting for reasons unknown. I say pick one up during March. It'll be just like the '90s all over again. You can come over to my place and we'll watch old Hey Arnold! reruns and play Pogs while listening to Nirvana and drinking Capri-Sun. Just like old times.


BONUS!

Guess what I'm drinking right now.

Yeah, you guessed correctly. Vault.

BUT... now guess WHAT I'M DRINKING IT IN.

I made a video.



Hey. Don't be jealous for my rave cup and video editing skills.

The 1st Annual 2008 Josh Awe-Inspiring Overwhelming Magnificent Spectacularly Spectacular Awesome Awards. Of 2008.

Happy New Year. Well, actually Happy January 3rd. And Merry Christmas. Look. I don't even care what you think right now. There was a total of ONE Christmas-related article, the Christmas decorations are still up, and I never fulfilled promises. But you know what? That's because you didn't deserve it this year. Nope, not at all. Its like virtual coal, and this website is your virtual stocking. And I'm Santa, beeotch. And no, I am not taking the Christmas crap down until I want to because it makes me feel nice.

Buuut anyways, as I was saying, its the New Year. 2009. So that means its time for the 1st Annual Josh Awe-Inspiring Overwhelming Magnificent Spectacularly Spectacular Awesome Year-End Award Show! Yes, I totally thought of that name myself.


So what are the Josh Awe-Inspiring Overwhelming Magnificent Spectacularly Spectacular Awesome Awards, or JAIOMSSAA for short? Its not really even an award ceremony. I basically get to crown what was awesome about 2008 and say what was the best. Because, you know, I'm the best. The best to the best. Or something.

And because I know everybody hates reading walls of words and would rather guzzle it down with pictures, I'll begin.

The MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSON OF 2008 AwardJosh Serrano

After a long, long thinking session of who should win this highly honorable award, the vote was unanimous - ME.

Suck it.

Public Reaction to the Announcement! (with edits as of 1/04!)
Andres Gonzalez - "lies!!!! tell the truth god is watching!!!"
Taylor Jones - "Joshua Serrano is the most despicable person I've ever met. The [most influential] person ever should be a good person, not one who misleads and discourages others"
Josh's Mom - "Ew."
Ryan "The Game" Green - ":O! Really well its about freaking time!"
Emily DeFore - "No. Really. I can't believe you won! What the fuck stupid duck? Why didn't you tell me?"

The MOST AWESOME YOUTUBE VIDEO CONCIEVED IN 2008 Award

Where's My Money

If you watch this and DON'T call it best video of the year the first time you see it, you probably should stop reading this blog. Don't even question the video about anything- that's part of the magic, don't you see??

Besides. What is there to understand?

God, I love YouTube.

The MOST AWESOME INNOVATION TO KILL THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE Award
The Large Hadron Collider

Good job, science! You finally created a real death trap that will discover how the universe was made. Oh, but what happens if one of your guys effs up? You kinda destroy the entire the face of the Earth with a fiery explosion? Really? Great Scott!

Another reason why people who work for science suck. If scientists were pinned up against a wall with a Tyrannosaurus Rex about to eat their head off, the scientists would rather bend down for a second to see what the peculiarly colored spot is on the floor instead of jumping into the chopper three feet away.

But hey, it gives me a little more comfort knowing Gordan Freeman is on the team.

The AWESOME MOVIE OF 2008 Award
Twilight

YEEEEEEAH TWILIGHT HECK YES!!!!!11

WHAT'S THE DARK KNIGHT? WALL-E? WHAT'S THAT? JAMES BOND? NEVER HEARD OF IT. ROLE MODELS? MORE LIKE BORE MODELS LOL!

THIS MOVIE GETS A 10/10, 5 STARS, TWO THUMBS UP ITS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN I LOVE THAT EDWARD DOOD HES A HUNK LOL

BRB, GOIN TO HOT TOPIC

The LITERARY AWARD OF ACHIEVEMENT '08 Award

"Hores" by Anonymous 3rd Grader

Ah, America. Its good to know our educational system is training our kids right! Its always a good idea for a kid to know what he wants at a young age so it can pave his future path. Wait, what? I was talking about writing, what did you think I was saying?

An essay like this reminds me of that black kid from Role Models. I wonder if he had the intention of the entire paper sounding like this and just did it to mess with the teacher's head. I know I would have!

...I liked the part about hores being able to put their legs strait up. Real cute, kid.

The MOST OVERUSED QUOTE TAKEN FROM A MOVIE IN 2008 Award
Tropic Thunder
"I'm the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S STILL FUNNY EVEN AFTER THE MILLION TIMES EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY RESPONDS TO ANYONE WHO EVEN MENTIONS THE MOVIE SAYS IT HAHAHAHHAHAHA THEY'RE SO CLEVER I WISH I WAS AS CREATIVE AS THEM!!!!111

Seriously, guys. Its getting old.

...Movie wasn't even that great anyways.

The MOST AWESOME SNACK OF THE YEAR Award
Sabritones

I know that unless you're Mexican you won't actually think these things taste good (not even I think it), but COME ON. They're the most amazing tasting sensation you'll ever acquire in your mouth - Chile and Lime Corn Puffed goodness.

So what if they smell/taste like crap? Sabritones are possibly the greatest thing to grace this planet, besides myself and wolverines. And nothing beats the expression your friend gives you when you tell them how good they are and stuff a handful of Sabritones in their mouth.

Sabritoooooones!

The BIGGEST ANNOYANCE 2008 Award
Majority of Girls on MySpace

I'll toss it out of the way right now that I know people on MySpace who aren't cam whores, but the ratio of stereotypical MySpace whore to not a "LOOK AT ME" MySpace user is about 2855983475984:1 . Here's an example of a bulletin one of them might post:

Subject: ARRRRRGH @R$&#(*%^@#*%&#%&*#^%&*#$^*#$ HELP

Body:
hangin out wit amyyyyyyyyyy LOL
leave a cmmnt bitchezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
pc4pc on newww defaultttt?
:P lol thanksss

The most obvious signs that you're messing with the stereotypical breed is if they have millions of pictures of them and their friends taking pictures off a bathroom mirror (when they could EASILY point it at themselves instead of using a bathroom mirror) for the sole intention of looking like a skank.

So, this award's out to all of you out there, MySpace Stereotypes. Thanks for making 2008 an especially annoying year. You know who you are.

The I CAN'T LOOK AT THIS WITHOUT LAUGHING AWESOME PICTURE OF THE YEAR Award

Serious Tommy is Serious

This picture alone made me laugh uncontrollably when I saw it for the first time.

I have no idea why. So I thought hey, I'm giving out awards, why not give one to my brother Serious Tommy?!

The 2008 (Q.Q) DON'T CRY EMO KID AWESOME PICTURE Award
Ducks

...;_;

This one doesn't even need an explanation.

RIP Ducks :(

The BEST JLOG BLOG ENTRY OF 2008 Award

This One

Y'all READING it!

The JLOG HONORARY AWESOME VIOLENCE Award

Left 4 Dead

Sorry, just had to mention how insanely awesome it is to light zombies on fire and the next second you're being eaten by one of the said zombies on fire.

These are the Awesome awards, and come on, who doesn't think zombies and gore are awesome?!

The JLOG HONORARY VIDEO GAME OF THE YEAR Award

The Naked Brothers Band: The Video Game

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was my expression when I played THE NAKED BROTHERS BAND VIDEO GAME. THOSE GUYS ARE SUCH GOOD SINGERS I'M SO GLAD I GOT TO SING ALONG WITH THEM!!!!

Excellent game, excellent music, if you didn't get this for Christmas, YOU'RE MISSING OUT.

The MOST MISSED ACTOR WHO PASSED AWAY IN 2008 THAT WAS REALLY GOOD IN THAT SUPERHERO MOVIE BECAUSE HE PLAYED A CLOWN THAT MADE JOKES ABOUT BEING SERIOUS AND PENCILS THAT CAUSED TONS OF PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD TO FIND SAID CLOWN CHARACTER RELEVANT AGAIN AFTER BEING UNPOPULAR FOR A WHILE Honorary Person Award

Heath Ledger

We'll miss you, bro!

Loved you in Ocean's 13!

---
And that's all I got for now. I worked on this far longer than I wanted to but hey, quality over quantity. That's what the Jlog is all about. Or maybe I'm just digging my thoughts for something to conclude this god-awful article with. I don't even know. My New Years Resolution is to be less lazy. Maybe I won't forgot to post here this year, but whatever. Who knows, right? Right.

And goodnight.


EDIT: Wait. I forgot an award.

The HONORARY AWESOME NON-CATEGORIZED ACHIEVEMENT OF 2008
Goes to Gabe. Because he's cool like that.

Here's a Mario cookie. Because I know you've always wanted to consume a Mario. Now you can live your dream of being a Piranha Plant! :D

Or something! :D

I have no idea! :D

EDIT 2: Well, I guess I keep feeling guilty I'm forgetting awards left and right tonight. Anywho!

The MOST AWESOME ROCK BAND DRUMMER THAT CAN ACTUALLY PLAY THROUGH A SONG ON EXPERT AND 5 STAR IT WITHOUT EVEN TRYING Award
Goes to Ryan. Only because he had the best Halloween costume ever.

Well, here you go Ryan. I like the new gynormous muscles and blue tinted skin look you got going on!

But seriously, you and me need to get two more people and start an insanely awesome band one of these days. Just, please don't put Michael on vocals, k? :D

Christmas 08: A-FREAKING-MAZING Santa.

Alright, its the 11th. I know, 14 days until Christmas are only left, but you know what? Its not like you care. You put up your Christmas decorations around this time anyway, and then they're put down in about 2 weeks. You don't even care. So this shouldn't be any different. Better late than never. Now that THAT's over...

MERRY CHRISTMAS HO HO HO.

I drew a picture.

I wish I could put that much creativity into this season's Jlog logo, but you know what? I'm lazy. I'm a very busy man.

So I was thinking to myself just the other day what the best way to open up my little mini season here would be. I'm late, I'm lazy, and I've done nothing creative, I told myself. With that in mind, I thought all the way back to Halloween and Zombie Bernie Mac. How novel of an idea that was!, I said in my head. I should totally do something like that again!

Well, look what I found...
This is Grow Your Own AMAZING SANTA HOLY JESUS LOOK AT HOW AMAZING THAT IS

SO AMAZING I THINK MY HEAD'S GOING TO IMPLODE

I got this as a Christmas present last year and kinda lost it until just now. It kinda looks like someone stabbed a thing of cardboard through the end Santa's already decapitated head and stuck boots on it.

Apparently, it works by putting this "MAGIC WATER" (all caps, by the way) in its little bowl under his boots. But after actually looking at it, I think I figured out something that might possibly result in my death.

Come on now. Does that LOOK like water? How about MAGICAL water?

It doesn't look like neither.

I opened it up and being the daredevil that puts himself on the edge for entertaining the less-than-5 people that read this blog, I took a whiff. I would say I'm a very descriptive narrator when it comes to smelling things (no that's what she saids necessary), and I mean it when I say this little packet smells like DEATH. No, wait, scratch that.

DEATH IN BIG RED LETTERS.

There's like a mixture of piss and chlorine going on here. Mixed with peanuts. And more piss. And maybe a little bit more chlorine. Basically, its like your average Hurricane Harbor swimming area.

It doesn't make it any much easier to swallow also knowing that there's an EFFING CRYSTAL IN IT. You can't see from the picture, but maybe 25% of the bag contains a CRYSTAL. I won't stop talking in all-caps until I make a point, THERE'S A CRYSTAL IN IT. Maybe its for mutating? Who knows.

But none-the-less, I poured this potentially lethal air poisoned bag of piss into the cup to pleasure Santa. Wait, no, I take that back. That sounds dirty.

Oh, wait, I need to give him a thoughtful and tasteful name. As always.

Say hello to Zombie Chris Farley.

The package says that it will grow in less than 24 hours, so no daily updates this time. I'll take pictures whenever the heck I feel like it.

Oh, and about the original Zombie Bernie Mac? He accidentally got thrown out before I got to take a picture of him, poor guy. The bottle he was in actually turned SQUARE somehow, and my only explanation of this phenomenon is Zombie Bernie Mac could bend space and time because he's cool like that. Or maybe I could take Chemistry class, but I like playing make-believe. Oh, and it got moldy. Really moldy.

So, uh, not all of the Christmas articles are going to be like this. I'll be delivering in bite-sized nuggets this time, with stuff I think is awesome by Josh standards and whether you should buy/eat/watch/look/snort/make-out with. You'll see.

If I can ever stop being lazy, that is.

Christmas News.

Alright.

I know.

I'm way behind. The layout isn't done, I haven't started any blogs this month, and we're already well into the second week of December.

Don't worry though. I have Wednesday off, so you might get an article or two.

Be patient. :)

Christmas layout.

Its not done but I can't work on it until next week sometime.

So, uh, enjoy loud colors.

Ho ho ho.

Christmas? Christmas.

I really feel like just writing something today. I've been inside the house all day, and I can almost see the walls sweating from the heat we're getting outside. Its kind of disgusting how the rest of the world are starting to pull out their winter jackets and pull the trigger on their heat lamps, but down here in California we have to devolve to shirts and T-shirts. Super gay.

Still, even with the sweat puddles that are forming in the couch, my spirits aren't coming down. And its pretty obvious why if you've gone to a shopping mall anytime recently - Its the beginning of the Christmas season. Might as well be called Christmas in July, but its starting.

I've kind of exited out Thanksgiving from my spiritual celebration calender, and nobody really looks that much forward to turkey and mashed potatoes. Okay, well, that's a lie. Because I like to eat. But I've made it tradition to listen to Christmas music bright and early in the morning before the parade starts. And then after I see Santa Claus riding a plastic sleigh at the very end and pass Macy's, I go back and listen to more Christmas music. That's just how it works in my house.

So yeah, I guess that's all I have to say. I just wanted you to realize how freaking CLOSE IT IS until Christmas. 39 days, to be exact. To put it into perspective: 8 more days, and it will be one month. One month until presents, food, and more presents. :)

...But no presents from this guy.

But don't forget! Here on the blog there'll probably be more Christmas stuff than there were Halloween stuff. One, because I like Christmas more. Two, I get lazy in October. No, I did not just make that up.

Halloween's over. PARTIE'S DONE GET OUT

I'm announcing this a little late, but - surprise- Halloween is done. No more ghosts. No more vampires. No more of those little sugar candy pumpkin things I love so much.

ALL GONE.

And that includes all the Halloween festivities. No more Ghoul-Aid, Jason masks or Halloween Logos.

But why is this good?

SANTA SANTA SANTA SANTA

47 Days until Christmas as of today.

Expect a lot of Christmas stuff after Thanksgiving, like usual.

And that Halloween update I was going to post? Well one part of it isn't done, and the other part I think will make a good surplus post for when I forget to post and get lazy. So I'm saving it.

New post later tonight too.

Halloween 08: Target Sale Toys.

During holidays, I tend to spend more money than usual. Not on gifts or anything, no. Usually on me. And that's what happened - I bought more stuff for me. But this time, its beneficial for you as well! Because you get to read about me enjoying things meant for me. And only me.

First up, we TRICK OR TATER MR. POTATO HEAD.


You're probably thinking "Why the lord did Josh buy a Mr. Potato Head?" Well... why not. It was only $5 and look how awesome it is. I haven't had one since I was like 5, so it gets you a little nostalgic I guess. And its even Halloween themed so that's why I present you with it today.

All it is is Mr. Potato Head dressed up for Halloween. But for what its worth, I think that's awesome.

$5 includes EVERYTHING THAT YOU SEE HERE. The original arms, hat, and feet plus Halloween themed accessories for pimpin yo Potato out.

I actually never realized why Mr. Potato Heads were even remotely fun. You build them, and then they just kind of sit there. As for me, I'm going to be the angsty teenager I am and gladly put up Senor Potato Head somewhere in my room all year round. Because I have no plans to make my room relevant anytime soon.

I had trouble making mine

So that's (probably not) what Halloween Mr. Potato looks like. Fun fun.

But wait! There's more! He comes with a ghost costume if vampires aren't your thing. And the eyes seem normal... but they also GLOW IN THE DARK. CAPS LOCK.

SWEET JESUS THATS TERRIFYING

So that's basically it. But its Mr. Freaking Potato Head. What else were you expecting? An Etch-A-Sketch?

...You were?

Oh. Well in that case...


Halloween themed Etch-A-Sketch? You bet your sweet cheeks. There's nothing MORE Halloween than this baby right here!

A custom paint job featuring a HORRIBLY SCARY ghost? Check. GOREY BLOOD RED knobs? Check.

...

Uhh, perhaps I bought this more for the sake of owning an Etch-A-Sketch than for the Halloween factor. But you can't blame me! Plus, this is limited edition. So someday I can sell this on eBay for like a gabazillion dollars.


Look, I even drew a beautiful picture.

...Its supposed to be a man in a hat grinning. I kinda messed up sort of. A lot.

...This is boring. Hey, maybe you'll appreciate what I got in Burger King a couple weeks ago! A fireman dressed iDog which is apparently the reincarnation of Hitler! Happy day!


Adolf Hitler? More like ADOG HITLER. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!111111 Adorable.

Look, his evil soul even shines through his cute wittle face.


Hurray for Halloween.


PS. It may be the last day of the season (not counting Halloween itself), but I have more Halloween stuff on the way. Even after Halloween. But it'll probably be only one post. And I wasn't here for so long because I got sick and went to Atlanta. I'm awesome like that. Sorry.

Halloween 08: Grow Your Own Goblin.

You see them every year around the holidays. They're always in grocery store aisles next to the cheap toys. You even see them in those 50 cent machines at Best Buy. They're those 'Grow Your Own...' things. I would call them toys, but seriously, what much else can you do with them other than but them in a bowl and watch them get big?

Well, I could blog about it, that's what.

So yeah. This is my Grow Your Own Goblin. And just for fun and chuckles, I'll be updating with a picture of how much he grows every day that I can. Why? Because EVERY Halloween celebrating website needs a Grow Your Own Goblin somewhere on it. The world would very much be a better place, trust me.

Look at the little guy. He looks kind of dead. Actually, more of a zombie with an afro if you look hard enough. That's why I call him Zombie Bernie Mac! His skin color seems orange, but FALSE, hes really just dirty from sitting underground for a while. No biggie.

But... surprise PLOT TWIST, right when you didn't expect it! Forget Heroes. Lost SUCKS. Zombie Bernie Mac has a little trick up his sleeve, you see.

Zombie Bernie Mac is going somewhere where no Bernie Mac has GONE BEFORE.

He will be growing in a bowl of water, right? Hahaha- WRONG.

That's right, kids! Zombie Bernie Mac will be attempting to grow in the rhyming-ly DEADLY bottle of Jack Black! Yup, Jack Black. No, I didn't name it.

And - WHOA - he's getting ready to jump!

Uh oh - it looks like he's having second thoughts JUST before going off the high dive into Jack Black.


Remember, Zombie Bernie Mac has a lot to live for if he somehow misses the target. He has his own show, The Zombie Mac Show, and the upcoming Ocean's Fourteen, which is still being made after Mr. Mac's death, although its reported to be renamed Ocean's Fourteen Minus 1.

Wait-

He jumped... but... erm... he's stuck.

*cough* So, uhh, all was going well until this happened.

...

But don't worry! With my 99% muscle tone, I could easily beat him in. Which is what I did.

And thus, Zombie Bernie Mac begins his journey to grow "600% TIMES HIS ORIGINAL SIZE". Check back almost every day to see an updated picture and to see if - hopefully! - he gets so huge he either breaks the bottle or morphs into the shape of a bottle.

What, you thought I plunged him into Jack Black just for looks?


...No, I am NOT an alcoholic.

RIP BERNIE MAC YOU WILL BE MISSED

Halloween 08: Pumpkin Ice Cream

Yeah, yeah, you might be thinking - when does this guy ever stop talking about (Halloween) food? Well, if you didn't learn from the last time of me saying it, you may as well get off. I like food. And I especially like festive food with added Orange food coloring. Besides, I'm sure you like food too. You only eat it everyday. Halloween should be no different, right?

Well I have something you might actually want to buy this time!

Pumpkin FREAKING ICE CREAM

Admittedly the candy I posted about wasn't very Halloween-y (lol). Even though it was good of course, it doesn't bring out anything in particular, and you're left sitting on the table feeling like you're in any other month of the year. You feel horrible. It doesn't help any that Camarillo has been like 95 degrees the past week. Well, you're in luck today sir. Why?

Because Dreyer's Limited Edition Pumpkin Ice Cream(R) tastes like fall in an effing bowl.

I actually stumbled upon this last year, but seeing as it's only available until Thanksgiving I thought you'd want to hear about it.

It doesn't taste like pumpkin pie, which is a plus because I hate pie (cake all the way niiiiiiggs). And it doesn't even taste like JUST pumpkin either. It's a near perfect combo of pumpkin and spice. Seriously. You can taste the spiciness of it in your mouth. You may think you're eating one of those really good seasonal scented candles, but you probably aren't. Although thats probably what makes this taste so good. In that case, maybe I've developed a taste for melted wax. Hmm.

I can't really say much else about it other than it's really freaking good. Even when you eat it all, you have spicy pumpkin breath. You can't get much more festive than that... actually, if you were to eat this pumpkin ice cream in your cheap grocery store costume while watching that Charlie Brown Halloween special on ABC, I think that would be even better.

Here's what the entire thing looks like in stores if you're going to buy...

No, I don't work for Dreyer's, but I like to think I'm a very nice product endorser

Need yet another reason to pick up this stuff? It's only like $5. Come on, what else are you going to use that 5 bucks on? Your Falls Outs Boys and Panics at the Discos songs can wait, spend your hard-earned money on ice cream. You deserve it. Really!

...Yeah, I know, more pictures than content today, but hey, its not like I didn't update at all. Also check back tomorrow for maybe another update and at least a mini one.

...And yeah, I know all I've had was food so far this month, but that's all I could get my grubby hands on. Don't worry, I should have more in store... I think.

...And also, I am very much aware that there are like a gazillion That's What She Saids in this post. :)

Halloween 08: Halloween Candy, Part 1

I don't think anybody has a surefire answer why kids go crazy over candy during Halloween in particular. I also don't think I really need to care, but whoever said "Hey guys, lets give the snot-noses of the town free candy!" way back in the day is a freaking genius. In fact, genius enough to realize that Delicious Candy + Senseless Killing and Horror = PERFECT HOLIDAY is a great hero in my book. Maybe not up there with the dude who sells Shamwow at 3 AM in the morning, but still high enough to be a good hero.

But anyways I decided to buy some Halloween candy. I like to think I deserve it.

"Gloomy Glasses" with Candy

First thing I wanted to buy, being the sophisticated gentleman I am, was this... thing. I wasn't really sure what it was, but IT CAME WITH FREE GLASSES. Forget the candy, I'm just in for the sweet shades! I mean, look at these things...

I think the reason I wanted these in the first place was because I knew deep down that it would could very potentially make me the coolest guy at school. I mean, I was already awesome before owning these, but I could possibly go up 5 meters on the cool cool glasses radar. What with their poorly sticked-on mouth and nose stickers and each lens looking like a skull, it just shows a statement on how -...okay maybe I'll just take the candy.

...And that's all that was in the bag. I kind of thought there was supposed to be something that had to do with the glasses, like the candy being inside them, but they kind of just came separately. I bet that the creators of this candy were so cheap that they went to one of those machines you find at Best Buy, took the orange and white ones, and labeled them as skeleton bones. Very bummed and near tears, I ate the candy. All it tasted like was sugar. But whatever gets you a sugar high, I guess. But hey, alls well that ends well...

STILL SEXY

...No, I couldn't see anything.

Harry Potter "Blood" Pops

So the second thing I acquired was these Harry Potter lollipop things. Thinking of those Harry Potter jellybeans with the delicious flavors I thought what the heck. I thought wrong, however, not knowing these blood pops... MAKE YOUR GUMS BLEED.

Okay not really. But they really didn't look any more exciting (or any different for that matter) than a normal cherry flavored lollipop. The only thing you can notice from the wrapper is that there's a "powder" on it and a bunch of food coloring was spilt onto the stick. Dangit Harry...

For all I know these things could be laced with crack and I wouldn't even notice. Knowing the fate of a million little kids were in my hand, however, I took the chance and experimented.

Like I thought, its just a cheap cherry lollipop with a Harry Potter brand name. But hey! It's Halloween! So I don't even care!

Next, we have HALLOWEEN OREOS! FREAKING OREOS! OH MY FREAKING-

Yeah, it's not candy, and I have no pity for you if you thought I'd stick to just what I was going to do (I have BlogADD).

Anyways, I know they come out with these every year, but I like them so much that I have to talk about them. Because Nabisco can sell anything to me if they put a "Halloween" in the name.

Few things can receive the tender love I give like Halloween Oreos get. And I think that thing would be crack. For reasons unknown, I would eat Halloween Oreos year round over regular Oreos. Not only do they introduce cookies with the imprints of ghosts, bats, and pumpkins, they just taste better. I'm thinking they mix crack in with the Yellow 6 creme coloring.

They also allow me to deliciously eat the not-so living guts out of them.

OH NOOOOOO

Yes, I do enjoy acting like a 6 year old.
Keep watching for more cookie killing candy reviewing action!