Halloween 08: Halloween Candy, Part 1

I don't think anybody has a surefire answer why kids go crazy over candy during Halloween in particular. I also don't think I really need to care, but whoever said "Hey guys, lets give the snot-noses of the town free candy!" way back in the day is a freaking genius. In fact, genius enough to realize that Delicious Candy + Senseless Killing and Horror = PERFECT HOLIDAY is a great hero in my book. Maybe not up there with the dude who sells Shamwow at 3 AM in the morning, but still high enough to be a good hero.

But anyways I decided to buy some Halloween candy. I like to think I deserve it.

"Gloomy Glasses" with Candy

First thing I wanted to buy, being the sophisticated gentleman I am, was this... thing. I wasn't really sure what it was, but IT CAME WITH FREE GLASSES. Forget the candy, I'm just in for the sweet shades! I mean, look at these things...

I think the reason I wanted these in the first place was because I knew deep down that it would could very potentially make me the coolest guy at school. I mean, I was already awesome before owning these, but I could possibly go up 5 meters on the cool cool glasses radar. What with their poorly sticked-on mouth and nose stickers and each lens looking like a skull, it just shows a statement on how -...okay maybe I'll just take the candy.

...And that's all that was in the bag. I kind of thought there was supposed to be something that had to do with the glasses, like the candy being inside them, but they kind of just came separately. I bet that the creators of this candy were so cheap that they went to one of those machines you find at Best Buy, took the orange and white ones, and labeled them as skeleton bones. Very bummed and near tears, I ate the candy. All it tasted like was sugar. But whatever gets you a sugar high, I guess. But hey, alls well that ends well...

STILL SEXY

...No, I couldn't see anything.

Harry Potter "Blood" Pops

So the second thing I acquired was these Harry Potter lollipop things. Thinking of those Harry Potter jellybeans with the delicious flavors I thought what the heck. I thought wrong, however, not knowing these blood pops... MAKE YOUR GUMS BLEED.

Okay not really. But they really didn't look any more exciting (or any different for that matter) than a normal cherry flavored lollipop. The only thing you can notice from the wrapper is that there's a "powder" on it and a bunch of food coloring was spilt onto the stick. Dangit Harry...

For all I know these things could be laced with crack and I wouldn't even notice. Knowing the fate of a million little kids were in my hand, however, I took the chance and experimented.

Like I thought, its just a cheap cherry lollipop with a Harry Potter brand name. But hey! It's Halloween! So I don't even care!

Next, we have HALLOWEEN OREOS! FREAKING OREOS! OH MY FREAKING-

Yeah, it's not candy, and I have no pity for you if you thought I'd stick to just what I was going to do (I have BlogADD).

Anyways, I know they come out with these every year, but I like them so much that I have to talk about them. Because Nabisco can sell anything to me if they put a "Halloween" in the name.

Few things can receive the tender love I give like Halloween Oreos get. And I think that thing would be crack. For reasons unknown, I would eat Halloween Oreos year round over regular Oreos. Not only do they introduce cookies with the imprints of ghosts, bats, and pumpkins, they just taste better. I'm thinking they mix crack in with the Yellow 6 creme coloring.

They also allow me to deliciously eat the not-so living guts out of them.

OH NOOOOOO

Yes, I do enjoy acting like a 6 year old.
Keep watching for more cookie killing candy reviewing action!

Soda Jelly Beans STICKREVIEW!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still alive. I've been doing science and I was still alive. While you're dying I'll be still alive. And when you're dead I'll be still alive.

...All horrible Portal references aside, I just kind of said eff it to my blog for a while. I was getting bored, basically. But now I realized that it was more boring not thinking all day about what to write in this said blog than to skip it entirely. So I'm back to stay, but with that said, I probably won't write a new a article every day. (RHYME! BOOM!)

Anyway, what I'm here for is to show you something that I've been searching for forever... the highly collectible SODA POP SHOPPE JELLY BELLY BOX.

Its gourmet.

It may really not be THAT rare in question, but just look at it. It's one of those commonly sold things that just begs to be an item that in some 20 years the average nostalgic High School Musical-generation kid has to blog about. I promise that will be the longest sentence of this post tonight.

Anyways, this container of joyous jelly beans includes six popular soda brands and flavors... Orange Crush, A&W Root Beer, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, A&W Cream Soda, and Grape Crush. Dr. Pepper ftw, but where's my Vault flavored Jelly Belly?? Coke... pitch a meeting as soon as you get this message.

Well, let's have a little look-see now, shall we? First up, Grape Crush.

Ah, Grape Crush. The younger, less attractive sister of Orange Crush. I never really liked Grape Crush that much. It was just always kind of... there, right next to Orange.

But, alas, I sample the jelly bean. Although I don't drink the pop often, I knew that it really didn't have the zing to be called the Grape Crush soda-flavored Jelly Belly. Kind of just tastes like a sharp grape one. But... I guess it tastes good?

3 out of 5 Grape Jelly Beans
---


I can't say it was really too hard finding Orange Crush in a bag full of white and brownish colored beans. Upon first bite, I realize it tastes... like Orange Crush.

The difference between a Crush bean and a plain orange one is that I guess they paid attention to the sweetness of the soda. I would say it tastes sweeter. So, uh, yeah. If you've ever had an Orange Crush, you'd immediately recognize it.

4 out of 5 R.E.M.'s
---


Guess what time it is? Hammertime Time to be a pepper! Dr. Pepper was pretty much the flavor I only bought this box for, as when I opened it I rummaged threw the bag like a kid digs in his box of Cap'n Crunch for a Batman toy.

It took me a while to find it, but it was great. Maybe its my totally unbiased opinion from my hatred of Dr. Pepper, but this is probably the best of the box. Artificial fizz, great flavor, it's good to be a pepper. (shameless advertisement slogans two for two tonight!)

90 out of 5 Mana-mana's
---


I have a confession. I actually had the A&W Root Beer one before I found Dr. Pepper, but I felt the Dr. should be above it. And there's reason.

This one felt kind of bland compared to the others. I mean, its root beer flavored, it has that. But I couldn't taste as much of the nice fizz they could create like they did for Dr. Pepper and Orange Crush. Maybe it's because this bean was actually the first soda-flavored bean to hit the market, further creating other monsters. Kind of like how Gizmo from Gremlins was nice, innocent, and couldn't do crap while his evil clones could destroy the entire city and sing Snow White tunes. It's still good though... just, not EVIL GREMLINS QUALITY.

3 out of 5 Amburgers and Woot Beers
---

Mmmm. That was the reaction from the 7-Up jelly bean.

It actually doesn't taste EXACTLY like the soda, but you can easily detect the lemon and lime. It has a LOT of the fizz, just like the drink, which is an added plus. It has the most kick of the whole bag, hands down. Maybe it's better than the Dr. Pepper one? DR. PEPPER FOR LIFE BABY

5 out of 5 The Spot's
---

And lastly, the A&W Cream Soda Jelly Bellys.

Uhh... tastes like cream. Not cream soda. No fizz.

THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING
THIS SUCKS

1 out of 5 Lawsuits
---

Well kids, there you have it. Jelly Belly Soda Pop Shop. In stores everywhere.

But, before I go, one last picture just for you:

...DR. PEPPER FOR LIFE