Halloween 08: Halloween Candy, Part 1

I don't think anybody has a surefire answer why kids go crazy over candy during Halloween in particular. I also don't think I really need to care, but whoever said "Hey guys, lets give the snot-noses of the town free candy!" way back in the day is a freaking genius. In fact, genius enough to realize that Delicious Candy + Senseless Killing and Horror = PERFECT HOLIDAY is a great hero in my book. Maybe not up there with the dude who sells Shamwow at 3 AM in the morning, but still high enough to be a good hero.

But anyways I decided to buy some Halloween candy. I like to think I deserve it.
"Gloomy Glasses" with Candy

First thing I wanted to buy, being the sophisticated gentleman I am, was this... thing. I wasn't really sure what it was, but IT CAME WITH FREE GLASSES. Forget the candy, I'm just in for the sweet shades! I mean, look at these things...

I think the reason I wanted these in the first place was because I knew deep down that it would could very potentially make me the coolest guy at school. I mean, I was already awesome before owning these, but I could possibly go up 5 meters on the cool cool glasses radar. What with their poorly sticked-on mouth and nose stickers and each lens looking like a skull, it just shows a statement on how -...okay maybe I'll just take the candy.

...And that's all that was in the bag. I kind of thought there was supposed to be something that had to do with the glasses, like the candy being inside them, but they kind of just came separately. I bet that the creators of this candy were so cheap that they went to one of those machines you find at Best Buy, took the orange and white ones, and labeled them as skeleton bones. Very bummed and near tears, I ate the candy. All it tasted like was sugar. But whatever gets you a sugar high, I guess. But hey, alls well that ends well...

...No, I couldn't see anything.

Harry Potter "Blood" Pops

So the second thing I acquired was these Harry Potter lollipop things. Thinking of those Harry Potter jellybeans with the delicious flavors I thought what the heck. I thought wrong, however, not knowing these blood pops... MAKE YOUR GUMS BLEED.

Okay not really. But they really didn't look any more exciting (or any different for that matter) than a normal cherry flavored lollipop. The only thing you can notice from the wrapper is that there's a "powder" on it and a bunch of food coloring was spilt onto the stick. Dangit Harry...

For all I know these things could be laced with crack and I wouldn't even notice. Knowing the fate of a million little kids were in my hand, however, I took the chance and experimented.

Like I thought, its just a cheap cherry lollipop with a Harry Potter brand name. But hey! It's Halloween! So I don't even care!


Yeah, it's not candy, and I have no pity for you if you thought I'd stick to just what I was going to do (I have BlogADD).

Anyways, I know they come out with these every year, but I like them so much that I have to talk about them. Because Nabisco can sell anything to me if they put a "Halloween" in the name.

Few things can receive the tender love I give like Halloween Oreos get. And I think that thing would be crack. For reasons unknown, I would eat Halloween Oreos year round over regular Oreos. Not only do they introduce cookies with the imprints of ghosts, bats, and pumpkins, they just taste better. I'm thinking they mix crack in with the Yellow 6 creme coloring.

They also allow me to deliciously eat the not-so living guts out of them.

Yes, I do enjoy acting like a 6 year old.
Keep watching for more cookie killing candy reviewing action!


Taylor. said...

You mention crack so many times in this post....

Lay off those Pixie Stix, my friend. =D