The Jlog

oh hai guyz

2010-06-12T14:18:00.000-07:00

Hey, brahs! How ya doin' man? Its been a while man, life's so rad. This blog's my favorite, man, don'tchu love it. You want a blog post? Oh man, I'm so glad we're all back together and stuff, this is great man.

...

To answer the only question most of you fans are asking (and by saying 'fans' I mean myself and some creepy old guy who seems to be subscribed to this website)... I HAVE RETURNED!

HOORAY

I'd like to keep this short. And I'll try, but no guarantees. Okay? Okay. I'll organize my ramblings into an easy-to-read (or maybe not even at all) list for your convenience!

1) Sum-herr So, like, remember that one time where I was all like, "HEY ITS SUMMER IMMA MAKE A POST EVERDAY LOL"? Well, that never worked out. And I got really freaking tired of it. And that kind of led to me not posting anything at all for a month. Yeah, well, I'm not promising anything this time around. Actually, you know what? I will. Its the first day of summer for myself, and I'm not going to make a delightful post everyday. Neither will I make those random posts about "feelings" because this is a MANLY BLOG and we don't regurgitate our "Oh man why does the world hate me noone understands me sob sob queque" Tumblr sheeeeeit here.

NO WHINING ALLOWED

But you know what I WILL promise? I promise to put up crap whenever I feel like it. If I have something to say, that I think you nice people will enjoy reading, such as topics revolving around poop-flavored popsicles or how Koffings powered the gas chambers at Auschwitz, I will. Okay, maybe that last one was a bad idea. But if you've read ANYTHING at all on this website, you know what I like to write about.

I seriously haven't posted anything here in about a year, and I've got a couple ideas. You'll just have to see if I stick to continuously doing anything other than eating stale Cheetos and watching Family Matters this summer.

2) Steve Jobs = :( Technology has decided its on strike with me as of late. Two months ago, my beloved iPhone decided to go into a coma. Not long after, my Mac's harddrive blew up. "But Josh," you may ask yourself. "I really don't give a rat's ass about your crap." Well, first of all you totally should, and second, it means I've lost everything that I've illegally downloaded over the years! Music, old pictures, videos I had made... but most importantly, Photoshop.

Now that I'm resurrecting the Jlog, its kind of an essential tool to have. Seriously. I'm sure you can look at the main page and find at least a bajillion pictures I've vomited up with Photoshop. Or, you know, just look at the blog's background and everything and realize EVERYTHING was made in Photoshop.

So, sadly, until I figure out a solution, blog posts may lack my patented artistic skill. You'll just have to live for now.

But that leads to my next problem nobody cares about...

3) Redesign I'm planning on polishing what everything looks like here around the site, but obviously I'll need a program do that. And I mean, I've probably only used the current style for, like, what, 5 posts sometime last year? Maybe a little Swiffering and you shouldn't care.

Also, as you can see, I finally removed the 4th of July stuff. You might just think that I left it there for a year because of forgetfulness, but that's the not the reasoning at all! I was promoting patriotism, and, uh, democracy all year round. It stood for freedom and sacrifice and high-glucose foods.

And then I saw THIS.

So, just changed the blog back to the original flavor. I think you'll find it... tasty.

So yeah, that's all. Maybe I'll write something meaty tomorrow. Maybe not. Maybe I'll forget about doing anything until August 2011. Its a surprise!

...I guess this wasn't very short. Sowwy.

???

2010-06-06T12:51:00.000-07:00

???

zzzzz-

2010-06-01T22:48:00.000-07:00

...

Whuh?

...

Oh yeah.

...Sowwwwwy.

Mountain Dew: GAME FUEL and Soda Throwbacks!

2009-07-11T01:15:00.000-07:00

If you recall last summer, Pepsi released a line of Mountain Dews that were only to be released in the season. Only one of these three flavors lasted (Voltage, the one I only kind of liked). The trio kind of symbolized Summer '08 in a way for me, as it was something I always looked forward to drinking every night.

So you can guess what my excitement level was when I found out they were tossing out some new Mountain Dews to kick off Summer '09 - The new Game Fuel duo. These sodas are closely promoted with World of Warcraft, much like Code Orange Sierra Mist was last year alongside Get Smart. Each flavor is supposed to show your "siding" towards which Warcraft race you slide towards - the Horde or the Alliance.

Luckily, I'm not a nerd. I take no sides. I just drink to drink the drink.

Quite frankly, I'll just say I was a little disappointed. Only one of the Dews is new, and there aren't three like last summer. But hey, nobody said they were making a tradition out of these Mountain Dew releases.

Do you still want to try these out? Well, for the sake of PURE SCIENCE, and based SOLELY off the will to serve YOU, my fanbase, I taste-tested both.

First is the Red Game Fuel. In 2007, this stuff was packaged as Halo Game Fuel to conincide with the release of Halo 3 on the Xbox 360. It was met with mixed reviews, because many said it was way too sweet or just plain gross. The concotion is listed as "a blast of citrus cherry flavor."

To my tastes at least, it wasn't bad, but it doesn't taste much like cherry. You taste the citrus alright, but a lot of the problem with the flavor identity crisis is the fact that there is WAY too much sugar in this drink. I know, I know, Mountain Dew already contains a huge amount of the stuff, but this soda has even more.

If you don't mind overly sweet and sticky liquid, try this one out. Its not bad, but it isn't something that will make you run to the liquor store to pick-up.

Next, is Blue Game Fuel. This flavor is entirely new and is supposed to taste like "wild fruit flavor." As far as I could sense from Internet ramblings, this one was the better of the bunch, much to my liking.

Before I get into how the pop tastes, let me begin with a little story. When I decided to drink the Blue Game Fuel, I thought it would be a little more classy to pour it into a red paper cup with ice unlike the previous Game Fuel. I proceded my regular routine as usual until only a few hours later. I got up to use the bathroom, and while looking at my regularly beautiful face in the mirror, I see something that is off. What could possibly make you LESS beautiful, you ask?

MY LIPS WERE BLUE.

They weren't the color you get when you're cold. They were'nt just pale. My lips were DARK BLUE. Sorry that I don't have pictures.

When I noticed this, I licked my lips hoping to maybe wash the coloring off. I even tried swashing toothpaste over them. But, low and behold, nothing.

Long story short, my last result to get this color from contaminating my perfect mouth was to PEEL the skin off. I litterally pulled all of the skin off of my lips.

The lesson of the story is this: There is probably two gallons of blue dye in this Mountain Dew. Once I had to go through this painful endeavour, I returned to my spot in the living room to find that the inside my empty cup that I was drinking the toxic from was, indeed, dyed blue. If that doesn't give you any idea of what color this is, you're beyond repair.

But, like others had thought, the Blue Game Fuel was definitely better than the former. No, I still could not taste the "tropical fruit" flavor due to the sugar amount, but the sugar amount in this one had a certain taste about it that benefitted it positively. If you're going to pick up one Game Fuel and one Game Fuel only, make it the Blue one.

But here's a tip: Don't drink it out of a big-grip glass or cup. Unless you enjoy dye all over your facial features.

Also, before we part our ways for the day, there is one more thing I wish to share with you guys that I forgot to do months ago - Pepsi and Mountain Dew Throwbacks.

These sodas were advertised as returning the formulas to their roots by using 100% pure cane sugar. The most eye catching appeal to these bottles and cans are their use of the original Pepsi and Mountain Dew logos from the olden' days.

Here's my quick thoughts on them:

Pepsi Throwback tasted a lot like Diet Pepsi for some reason, but it was very different from regular, 2009 Pepsi. It tasted "fresher," lacking words to describe it. Pepsi isn't my cola of choice, but I thought this one wasn't half bad.

Mountain Dew Throwback is another story. I just didn't like it. It was like Mountain Dew but without any flavor. And no, I don't mean there was so much sugar in it that it blocked the taste like I mentioned in my reviews above, but it just didn't include an pizazz. Maybe I picked up a stale stray? Who knows, but I just thought 'whatever.'

Well, there ya go. Have a nice drive home.
(Also, I am still adding changes here and there to the layout, so keep coming back if you want to check in what's going on ;])

CD Albums!

2009-07-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

For the past three days, I've been trapped at home with almost virtually nothing entertaining to do. I mean, there's always the option of watching movies or playing video games or something, but I'm sure a lot of people, including me, would rather waste their time productively.

So, I gave into this Internet kind-of phenomenon that has been sweeping forums and a certain imageboard for a while now. The idea is by following these steps and using what comes up, you make a CD album cover. This is what you do:

1) Go to Wikipedia and click on 'Random Article.' Whatever the title of the page is (unless it is a band's entry) will be the name of the album's band.
2) Go to Wikiquote and click on 'Random Page' as well. Choose any quote that comes on the page, but you may only use the last 3-6 words in the quote. Whatever words you find will be the name of your band's album.
3) Go to flickr and choose '[whatever amount] uploads in the last minute.' Choose the fifth picture to come up. Whatever this is, will be the album art for the cover.
4) Open up Photoshop and start constructing. You may not add any other pieces of artwork, but you are free to choose how much of the image is visible and what fonts/colors to use.
5) ???
6) PROFIT!

So these are what I came up with. I thought I'd share.

Eye on Psi Chi
"Between Men & Women"

This one worked totally perfectly.

Wojiech Belon

"Farther Into Imbecily"

This one worked too. Nice elephant.

Oligostigmoides
"Composing Is Not Voluntary, You Know."

Isn't it illegal to put a famous musician on another musician's album without consent?

Interpersonal Ties
"I Don't Give A Fuck!"

I imagine this as some screamo highschoolers' attempt at a punk album. I don't like the cover that much either.

Mountain High
"Take It From Me!"

This was the first one I made. I like it - just wish I saved it as a bigger picture.

Trinidad Zaachila
"There's A Million Things Down There!"

I thought this one looked the most professional even if I was too lazy to straighten all of the letters.

So, uh, ta da.

Back into being a hermit.

The King of Pop.

2009-06-29T14:28:00.000-07:00

Unless you've been playing Starcraft in your mom's basement without stop this week, you should know this has been probably the worst week for celebrities in the history of forever. The world is now without a comedy legend, a TV crime fighter, an infomercial shouter, and possibly the best thing to happen to music since The Beatles. Besides Disney Channel stars, of course.

I kind of just wanted to post this to write about how much of a bummer it is that Michael Jackson died. I was really hoping he would make a proper comeback with the This Is It concerts. He was even scheduled to make a new CD and a movie based off of Thriller! For those of you who weren't old enough to remember MJ other than his court charges a few years back, he was, but not limited to, popularizing the music video as a form of publicity, becoming the first black artist to appear on MTV, part of what is considered to be the first American "boy band," holding the highest selling record in the world, and, of course, was the creator of many household trends, such as orange jackets and the Moonwalk.

But what I think bums me the most, though, is the observation that a lot of people are going to remember him purely for his allegations of being a child molester and a plastic surgeon addict - and all of it based on ignorance. The reason I say "ignorance" is because, come on - you and I both know that if you are someone with such an opinion on the guy, you probably didn't bother looking for the evidence yourself. Just looking at Michael Jackson at a glance, or listening to what we hear on the news is not a great way to judge a guy. It really makes me sad that we're a nation based off "don't judge a book by its cover," when in fact we do it every night while watching TMZ or reading the tabloids on the net.

Michael Jackson's look changed completely by the start of the 21st century

For the sake of boring whoever is reading this, I'll try to only cover a few points.

First of all, the molestation cases are extremely flawed. The first time Michael Jackson was accused, all sorts of things seemed fishy from the get-go. First, the thirteen year old that was reported of being abused never showed up to the trials - not even to sit on behalf of himself. Everything that was said about Michael Jackson didn't even come from the kid to begin with. His dad did literally all of the talking. And to make matters even worse, the court found a recorded conversation between the father and an anonomyous submitter which revealed how dedicated the accuser was to bring down MJ's career. The consensus of this message reveals that the dad not only held a grudge against the singer, but was jealous Michael's friendship with his son. Yet, Jackson decided not to fight the case any longer and instead agreed to just pay the family $22 million.

Most of you are thinking: If Jackson was innocent, why did he pay the money? Why wouldn't he just agree to fight this in court?

Think about it. Its a lose-lose situation any way you think about it. If he were to just give up and throw the family a couple of bones, all of this would end and further prevent the negative image this whole case provided. If he were to continue to fight, however, what do you think the public would say? When celebrities get in legal trouble and decide to bring the case down, they only hire the highest of status for a legal team. The media would then likely provide a story along the lines of, "Jackson is so defensive of this case that he hired the best of the best in lawyers, who know how to convince even the falsest of cases!" That would ALSO ruin his image. So, whichever decision he would choose, would cause you to think he was the bad guy.

And it also doesn't help that the second time he was in court that a majority of the parents who initially accused Michael Jackson of molestation came forward years later and said they were in it for the money as well. EVEN THE KID WHO WAS INVOLVED WITH THE FIRST CASE ADMITTED TO LYING ABOUT MOLESTATION ONCE JACKSON WAS DEAD. But, of course, many people didn't hear (or care) about that.

Michael's skin color before 1986

Second, there's the whole issue with Michael's skin. Countless people reported of how "only in America could a black man die a white woman." It is true that MJ did have a plastic surgery obsession with reforming his nose and chin, but the whole idea of bleaching his skin is incredibly unlikely.

How is this idea debunked? Think about this one too. Why would he want to bleach his skin in the first place? To gain attention? He wouldn't need any more of it, as his condition began occuring at the heigh of his popularity in 1986. In fact, popularity seemed to be the last thing Michael wanted - he even wrote a song called "Leave Me Alone" directed towards the press.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, why wouldn't he just want to "transform" his African-American image along with his other cosmetic changes? This appears to be super unlikely. Don't forget that Michael Jackson was one of the only black entertainers to gain so much success as a black man to begin with. Not only that, but he wrote songs about equality between races and has demonstrated through interviews that he had "a lot of pride and dignity" towards being of African descent. Now, why would he bleach his skin? That's like claiming Martin Luther King Jr. wanted to change into a white man AFTER he started his protests. See how much sense this makes?

Plus, have you EVER, in your life, heard ANYTHING about somebody bleaching their skin? How do you impose this would happen to begin with?

Truth is, Michael Jackson had a conditional disease called vitiligo, a problem that kills pigmentation cells in the skin. It occurs in both black and white people, and a number of famous people have it. You can Google up vitiligo and see pictures if you like, and you'll see that's how Michael Jackson did in fact look. Its speculated that the reason Michael also wore a lot of make up in his later years was because of the disease, which can cause lighter "spots" anywhere over his body and he wanted to even out his skin tone.

Well, that's all I feel like explaining. Even though I believe that the above thoughts were easily provable as false, I do think that Michael Jackson had psychological problems. I really think that he was stuck in childhood throughout his adult life, which is why he had a fascination with providing other kids a better life than he had (MJ was heavily abused as a child during the time he was in the Jackson 5). He also admitted that he became obsessed with his nose, as he was teased by his father about it. Another thing that seems true is his addiction to painkillers. Its reported he became addicted to them after his first court cases, and his parents wanted him to go to rehab for the problem. He never did, and although its still up in the air, it might have been what killed him.

Although there's a lot of criticism surrounding him, Michael Jackson is still undoubtedly one of the biggest names in music history. I just hope that he is remembered for his achievements rather than the bad... even though, you know, he showed us WHO'S BAD. (that was horrible.)

If you need some catching up to do, here are some of his best music videos that, if you haven't seen, you need to watch before you die.

Welcome to the Jlog 2.0.

2009-06-22T17:36:00.001-07:00

Yes! The day has come!

To commemorate the second summer of the Jlog being available to your eye holes, I present to you the JLOG 2.0.

Well, it may not be THAT epic, but there's a new layout thats easier to read and stuff. I spent a couple days working on this basically from scratch, so YOU BETTER APPRECIATE IT MONKEYS.

In the top left corner, you'll notice a little "Beta" sign as well. It's there because I'm going to be making sure things look smoother and nicer for the next couple days or even weeks. We'll see how long it takes until I like it! Expect changes or things to go wonky while the sign is up.

So. Now that I finally finished the new look, I'll have time for some articles in the distant future. Keep your ears (and eyes) open!

Happy 1st Jlogiversary.

2009-05-24T21:35:00.000-07:00

Hey, kids. Did you know that one year ago today, the Jlog was born? Well, it was, and since then (but not so much right now) it has inspired countless hundreds to think about pointless and useless things that I find necessary to blog about. I remember like it was just yesterday...

Back in May of '08, I was but a wimpy Freshman in an English class. I had always thought about making a blog to chronicle whatever awesome things I feel like speaking or telling the uneducated about, but I never had the encouragement to start one. That is, until one day, my English teacher started to make us enter in our homework assignments on a school-run blogging system. Although that was for the most part unrelated, it just set off the spark for me wanting to write about things in my spare time. And thus, on the 24th of May, The Jlog was born, in all its lined paper and stick figured glory. So, Mrs. Gonzalez, if you're reading this somewhere, you're partly to blame for this blog. You should feel special.

Anywho. I made a birthday cupcake.

To help celebrate this huge monument in American history, I've decided to round-up the best Jlog postings over the year in my eyes. Enjoy this blast from the past!

- Vault - Its like Jesus in a glass! (May 24 2008) - This is the first article that started it all.
- New Mountain Dew is SUPERCOOL (May 28 2008) - My first brand new soda review, which has stood place in my memory for writing. Whenever I think of it, I think of Summer. I almost literally drowned myself in Mountain Dew this summer.
- STICKREVIEW: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (May 28 2008) - My first and only "StickReview!" This Jlog lead me to be stuck in a dark room on PhotoShop for about 4 hours. No joke.
- SCHOOOOOOOOOOL'S OUUUUT (June 13 2008) - This is so unstructured that its awesome. That is all. Also, it signifys my FIRST SUMMER serving you, the reader. Or something.
- I Hate Can Openers with a Vengence. (June 18 2008) - The most widely talked about joke between my friends, family, and I once Summer was over. Good times be had that day!
- ROBOT BEARS :O (June 30 2008) - An example of how bored I got after only 17 days of Summer.
- Sit Right There, I'll tell you all about how Will Smith became the BEST GUY EVER... of Bel-Air? (July 2 2008) - A full-ledged story that I got bored with half-way through!
- Soda Jelly Beans STICKREVIEW! (July 21 2008) - Just kidding, I lied. My second StickReview. I especially love the sick drawings of Jelly Bellys I did.
- Burger King Potato Chips! (August 3 2008) - First Jlog with an accompanying video! But man, those chips gave off the grossest smell on my desk for like two days. I did it all in the name of you guys, too.
- Halloween 08: Grow Your Own Goblin. (October 12 2008) - You should've seen how many people thought I was the devil for naming that goblin Zombie Bernie Mac.
- The 1st Annual Josh Awe-Inspiring Overwhelming Magnificent Spectacularly Spectacular Awesome Awards. Of 2008. (January 3 2009) - The most hit counts on any Jlog to date! Also, the one I'm least proud of!

And for those wondering when I'll be returning to a semi-scheduled basis for Jlogs, let this be the first formal announcement - I am going to start writing again. I've had no time with my busy, busy life in the past couple months, and that also doesn't set in well with my easily procrastinated creativity banks. But, if I could do it last May 24 all the way until August, why can't I do it again?

It may not be on as large of a scale as last summer, but I will sincerely try. I've got some nice articles under my sleeve, perhaps one coming as early as this week...

So, until next time, stay classy San Diego. Also, because I know its relevant to your interests, it smells STRONGLY of ass in this room that I am in right now.

(P.S. I know, I'm still renovating the layout, that's priority number one right now!)

Return of the King.

2009-03-01T01:55:00.000-08:00

And by that I mean two things:

1) ME.
2) The subject of tonight's post.

You should know by now how lazy and unproductive I get for the three out of four seasons of the year, and the moment Summer starts it all just explodes into a post-a-day brilliance you saw last Summer. Or you didn't, because you probably didn't read it. But seriously, you shouldn't just go take a look-see at the old writin's. They're, like, ew. No pictures. But yeah, I'm redesigning the blog so thats why everything has been in shambles. And as for the lack of content... no excuses, I'm a horrible person, yada yada yada.

Anyways! I've brought you here tonight to discuss something that just CAN NOT be ignored. If aliens were to land on the planet Earth with chocolate cake, I don't think this occurence could ailenate the one I'm about to talk about. This is so catastrophically big that even the rebirth of Jesus couldn't take the spotlight (sorry Jesus, we still cool right?).

What, am I talking about you ask?

It's the return...
of...

SHAMROCK SHAKES AT MCDONALD'S.

YEAH, I SAID IT.

SHAMROCK FREAKING SHAKES.

You don't even know how excited I was when I found these again. I was walking down the street with some people when one of my friends threw out in a monotone voice "Hey, I guess the Shamrock Shake's back." I know now how completely retarded I must have looked, but I honestly just stopped. And stared across the street at McDonald's. And held my mouth open unconsciously. And then some other things happened too. But I'm pretty sure my mind exploded.

Back in the late '90s I would go to McDonald's almost every day in March JUST for the festive Shamrock Shake. I was crazy about these things. I think I loved them more than life itself. Well, maybe that's not true, but it certainly did make St. Patrick's Day special for me and my friends around then.

So, if you've been living under an anti-awesome-things rock for the past 30 years, here's a little history lesson for you.

You might have thought the 1980s were all about heavy mousse usage, time traveling, pink tuxedos, and Duran Duran, but little did you know that, along with New Coke, the Shamrock Shake was the most long-lasting and greatest invention to come out of the period. McDonald's felt they weren't already subliminally brain washing kids through advertising enough, so they started producing commercials starring McDonaldland's Grimace and his very own uncle, Uncle O'Grimace, telling kids to celebrate Saint Patty's by drinking green milkshakes. Creative, isn't it? I guess they thought celebrating a special milkshake for Black History Month featuring Lil' Grimma would have been too controversial.

Anyways, the public still ate it up (wow, two puns in one post!), so much in fact that they added it to their seasonal dessert menu. One year, McDonald's even added a Shamrock Sundae to the roster. And well, its needless to say Ronald and the Hamburgler took a couple vacations with all the money they so shamelessly took. So, remember this, young business models: desserts based on racial profiling earns you tons of money!

According to McDonald's, Irish people are green

But, sadly, those days are gone. McDonald's have moved on to bigger and easier-money-related things. Shamrock Shakes were discontinued since at least 2000, when they began phasing them out. And even before that, Uncle O'Grimmacy stopped molesting little kids' minds in the late '90s.

It was a devastating blow to the millions of customers around the world. I mean, just look at what has happened since McDonald's discontinued the beloved shake. 9/11 occured. Hurricane Katrina swamped up houses. Even Nickelback became a best-seller. I believe Bush only started to become a sad president thanks to his quench for a Shamrock Shake through the years as well.

But, those days are over. We have OBAMA NOW. And I guess electing an African American president has already shown its effect on the world: McDonald's finally resurrected the Shamrock Shake. Hallelujah! 2009 is the best year in like the history of the WORLD.

So, what is a Shamrock Shake basically? All it is is a mint flavored milkshake. That's GREEN. Like, REALLY green.

Yeah. That's all it is.

"But wait a second, bucko!" you cry out from your spinny office chair. "I can get mint milkshakes anywhere! Why is one being sold by a clown any different?"

Well, that's exactly what I thought when I retried the Shamrock Shake for the first time in around 10 years. The moment I took my first sip, I realized it tasted EXACTLY the same as how I remembered it, and that taste... is pretty okay. I mean, its just mint. But for some reason you just can not forget or deny how good the shake really is. Its cheap... but its comforting. Kind of like coming home from college to see that your family dog and best friend growing up passed away... but hey! Look at that, there's a hot juicy meatloaf on the counter, just like Mom used to make. If you see what I mean.

That caused me to think, though. Why did I think these were the best thing since Vault back in the day? Was I an ignorant kid, with no other personal taste preferences to feed off of (oh wow, third pun)? Why were these the epitamy of St. Patrick's Day?

My guess? They didn't have juice boxes filled with Guiness at the time.

This girl is obviously thrilled for a Shamrock Shake.

So, that's pretty much all I have to say about the Shamrock Shake. It's delicious, but not really delicious, but is still addicting for reasons unknown. I say pick one up during March. It'll be just like the '90s all over again. You can come over to my place and we'll watch old Hey Arnold! reruns and play Pogs while listening to Nirvana and drinking Capri-Sun. Just like old times.

BONUS!

Guess what I'm drinking right now.

Yeah, you guessed correctly. Vault.

BUT... now guess WHAT I'M DRINKING IT IN.

I made a video.

Hey. Don't be jealous for my rave cup and video editing skills.

Fool.

2009-02-28T23:19:00.001-08:00

Just because I've been busy doesn't mean I'm not losing my perfect monthly-basis post account.

Shoot.

The 1st Annual 2008 Josh Awe-Inspiring Overwhelming Magnificent Spectacularly Spectacular Awesome Awards. Of 2008.

2009-01-03T12:50:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year. Well, actually Happy January 3rd. And Merry Christmas. Look. I don't even care what you think right now. There was a total of ONE Christmas-related article, the Christmas decorations are still up, and I never fulfilled promises. But you know what? That's because you didn't deserve it this year. Nope, not at all. Its like virtual coal, and this website is your virtual stocking. And I'm Santa, beeotch. And no, I am not taking the Christmas crap down until I want to because it makes me feel nice.

Buuut anyways, as I was saying, its the New Year. 2009. So that means its time for the 1st Annual Josh Awe-Inspiring Overwhelming Magnificent Spectacularly Spectacular Awesome Year-End Award Show! Yes, I totally thought of that name myself.

So what are the Josh Awe-Inspiring Overwhelming Magnificent Spectacularly Spectacular Awesome Awards, or JAIOMSSAA for short? Its not really even an award ceremony. I basically get to crown what was awesome about 2008 and say what was the best. Because, you know, I'm the best. The best to the best. Or something.

And because I know everybody hates reading walls of words and would rather guzzle it down with pictures, I'll begin.

The MOST INFLUENTIAL PERSON OF 2008 AwardJosh Serrano

After a long, long thinking session of who should win this highly honorable award, the vote was unanimous - ME.

Suck it.

Public Reaction to the Announcement! (with edits as of 1/04!)
Andres Gonzalez - "lies!!!! tell the truth god is watching!!!"
Taylor Jones - "Joshua Serrano is the most despicable person I've ever met. The [most influential] person ever should be a good person, not one who misleads and discourages others"
Josh's Mom - "Ew."
Ryan "The Game" Green - ":O! Really well its about freaking time!"
Emily DeFore - "No. Really. I can't believe you won! What the fuck stupid duck? Why didn't you tell me?"

The MOST AWESOME YOUTUBE VIDEO CONCIEVED IN 2008 Award

Where's My Money

If you watch this and DON'T call it best video of the year the first time you see it, you probably should stop reading this blog. Don't even question the video about anything- that's part of the magic, don't you see??

Besides. What is there to understand?

God, I love YouTube.

The MOST AWESOME INNOVATION TO KILL THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE Award
The Large Hadron Collider

Good job, science! You finally created a real death trap that will discover how the universe was made. Oh, but what happens if one of your guys effs up? You kinda destroy the entire the face of the Earth with a fiery explosion? Really? Great Scott!

Another reason why people who work for science suck. If scientists were pinned up against a wall with a Tyrannosaurus Rex about to eat their head off, the scientists would rather bend down for a second to see what the peculiarly colored spot is on the floor instead of jumping into the chopper three feet away.

But hey, it gives me a little more comfort knowing Gordan Freeman is on the team.

The AWESOME MOVIE OF 2008 Award
Twilight

YEEEEEEAH TWILIGHT HECK YES!!!!!11

WHAT'S THE DARK KNIGHT? WALL-E? WHAT'S THAT? JAMES BOND? NEVER HEARD OF IT. ROLE MODELS? MORE LIKE BORE MODELS LOL!

THIS MOVIE GETS A 10/10, 5 STARS, TWO THUMBS UP ITS THE BEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN I LOVE THAT EDWARD DOOD HES A HUNK LOL

BRB, GOIN TO HOT TOPIC

The LITERARY AWARD OF ACHIEVEMENT '08 Award

"Hores" by Anonymous 3rd Grader

Ah, America. Its good to know our educational system is training our kids right! Its always a good idea for a kid to know what he wants at a young age so it can pave his future path. Wait, what? I was talking about writing, what did you think I was saying?

An essay like this reminds me of that black kid from Role Models. I wonder if he had the intention of the entire paper sounding like this and just did it to mess with the teacher's head. I know I would have!

...I liked the part about hores being able to put their legs strait up. Real cute, kid.

The MOST OVERUSED QUOTE TAKEN FROM A MOVIE IN 2008 Award
Tropic Thunder
"I'm the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT'S STILL FUNNY EVEN AFTER THE MILLION TIMES EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY RESPONDS TO ANYONE WHO EVEN MENTIONS THE MOVIE SAYS IT HAHAHAHHAHAHA THEY'RE SO CLEVER I WISH I WAS AS CREATIVE AS THEM!!!!111

Seriously, guys. Its getting old.

...Movie wasn't even that great anyways.

The MOST AWESOME SNACK OF THE YEAR Award
Sabritones

I know that unless you're Mexican you won't actually think these things taste good (not even I think it), but COME ON. They're the most amazing tasting sensation you'll ever acquire in your mouth - Chile and Lime Corn Puffed goodness.

So what if they smell/taste like crap? Sabritones are possibly the greatest thing to grace this planet, besides myself and wolverines. And nothing beats the expression your friend gives you when you tell them how good they are and stuff a handful of Sabritones in their mouth.

Sabritoooooones!

The BIGGEST ANNOYANCE 2008 Award
Majority of Girls on MySpace

I'll toss it out of the way right now that I know people on MySpace who aren't cam whores, but the ratio of stereotypical MySpace whore to not a "LOOK AT ME" MySpace user is about 2855983475984:1 . Here's an example of a bulletin one of them might post:

Subject: ARRRRRGH @R$&#(*%^@#*%&#%&*#^%&*#$^*#$ HELP

Body:
hangin out wit amyyyyyyyyyy LOL
leave a cmmnt bitchezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
pc4pc on newww defaultttt?
:P lol thanksss

The most obvious signs that you're messing with the stereotypical breed is if they have millions of pictures of them and their friends taking pictures off a bathroom mirror (when they could EASILY point it at themselves instead of using a bathroom mirror) for the sole intention of looking like a skank.

So, this award's out to all of you out there, MySpace Stereotypes. Thanks for making 2008 an especially annoying year. You know who you are.

The I CAN'T LOOK AT THIS WITHOUT LAUGHING AWESOME PICTURE OF THE YEAR Award

Serious Tommy is Serious

This picture alone made me laugh uncontrollably when I saw it for the first time.

I have no idea why. So I thought hey, I'm giving out awards, why not give one to my brother Serious Tommy?!

The 2008 (Q.Q) DON'T CRY EMO KID AWESOME PICTURE Award
Ducks

...;_;

This one doesn't even need an explanation.

RIP Ducks :(

The BEST JLOG BLOG ENTRY OF 2008 Award

This One

Y'all READING it!

The JLOG HONORARY AWESOME VIOLENCE Award

Left 4 Dead

Sorry, just had to mention how insanely awesome it is to light zombies on fire and the next second you're being eaten by one of the said zombies on fire.

These are the Awesome awards, and come on, who doesn't think zombies and gore are awesome?!

The JLOG HONORARY VIDEO GAME OF THE YEAR Award

The Naked Brothers Band: The Video Game

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was my expression when I played THE NAKED BROTHERS BAND VIDEO GAME. THOSE GUYS ARE SUCH GOOD SINGERS I'M SO GLAD I GOT TO SING ALONG WITH THEM!!!!

Excellent game, excellent music, if you didn't get this for Christmas, YOU'RE MISSING OUT.

The MOST MISSED ACTOR WHO PASSED AWAY IN 2008 THAT WAS REALLY GOOD IN THAT SUPERHERO MOVIE BECAUSE HE PLAYED A CLOWN THAT MADE JOKES ABOUT BEING SERIOUS AND PENCILS THAT CAUSED TONS OF PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD TO FIND SAID CLOWN CHARACTER RELEVANT AGAIN AFTER BEING UNPOPULAR FOR A WHILE Honorary Person Award

Heath Ledger

We'll miss you, bro!

Loved you in Ocean's 13!

---
And that's all I got for now. I worked on this far longer than I wanted to but hey, quality over quantity. That's what the Jlog is all about. Or maybe I'm just digging my thoughts for something to conclude this god-awful article with. I don't even know. My New Years Resolution is to be less lazy. Maybe I won't forgot to post here this year, but whatever. Who knows, right? Right.

And goodnight.

EDIT: Wait. I forgot an award.

The HONORARY AWESOME NON-CATEGORIZED ACHIEVEMENT OF 2008
Goes to Gabe. Because he's cool like that.

Here's a Mario cookie. Because I know you've always wanted to consume a Mario. Now you can live your dream of being a Piranha Plant! :D

Or something! :D

I have no idea! :D

EDIT 2: Well, I guess ~~I keep feeling guilty~~ I'm forgetting awards left and right tonight. Anywho!

The MOST AWESOME ROCK BAND DRUMMER THAT CAN ACTUALLY PLAY THROUGH A SONG ON EXPERT AND 5 STAR IT WITHOUT EVEN TRYING Award
Goes to Ryan. Only because he had the best Halloween costume ever.

Well, here you go Ryan. I like the new gynormous muscles and blue tinted skin look you got going on!

But seriously, you and me need to get two more people and start an insanely awesome band one of these days. Just, please don't put Michael on vocals, k? :D

Christmas 08: A-FREAKING-MAZING Santa.

2008-12-10T21:22:00.000-08:00

Alright, its the 11th. I know, 14 days until Christmas are only left, but you know what? Its not like you care. You put up your Christmas decorations around this time anyway, and then they're put down in about 2 weeks. You don't even care. So this shouldn't be any different. Better late than never. Now that THAT's over...

MERRY CHRISTMAS HO HO HO.

I drew a picture.

I wish I could put that much creativity into this season's Jlog logo, but you know what? I'm lazy. I'm a very busy man.

So I was thinking to myself just the other day what the best way to open up my little mini season here would be. I'm late, I'm lazy, and I've done nothing creative, I told myself. With that in mind, I thought all the way back to Halloween and Zombie Bernie Mac. How novel of an idea that was!, I said in my head. I should totally do something like that again!

Well, look what I found...
This is ~~Grow Your Own~~ AMAZING SANTA HOLY JESUS LOOK AT HOW AMAZING THAT IS

SO AMAZING I THINK MY HEAD'S GOING TO IMPLODE

I got this as a Christmas present last year and kinda lost it until just now. It kinda looks like someone stabbed a thing of cardboard through the end Santa's already decapitated head and stuck boots on it.

Apparently, it works by putting this "MAGIC WATER" (all caps, by the way) in its little bowl under his boots. But after actually looking at it, I think I figured out something that might possibly result in my death.

Come on now. Does that LOOK like water? How about MAGICAL water?

It doesn't look like neither.

I opened it up and being the daredevil that puts himself on the edge for entertaining the less-than-5 people that read this blog, I took a whiff. I would say I'm a very descriptive narrator when it comes to smelling things (no that's what she saids necessary), and I mean it when I say this little packet smells like DEATH. No, wait, scratch that.

DEATH IN BIG RED LETTERS.

There's like a mixture of piss and chlorine going on here. Mixed with peanuts. And more piss. And maybe a little bit more chlorine. Basically, its like your average Hurricane Harbor swimming area.

It doesn't make it any much easier to swallow also knowing that there's an EFFING CRYSTAL IN IT. You can't see from the picture, but maybe 25% of the bag contains a CRYSTAL. I won't stop talking in all-caps until I make a point, THERE'S A CRYSTAL IN IT. Maybe its for mutating? Who knows.

But none-the-less, I poured this potentially lethal air poisoned bag of piss into the cup to pleasure Santa. Wait, no, I take that back. That sounds dirty.

Oh, wait, I need to give him a thoughtful and tasteful name. As always.

Say hello to Zombie Chris Farley.

The package says that it will grow in less than 24 hours, so no daily updates this time. I'll take pictures whenever the heck I feel like it.

Oh, and about the original Zombie Bernie Mac? He accidentally got thrown out before I got to take a picture of him, poor guy. The bottle he was in actually turned SQUARE somehow, and my only explanation of this phenomenon is Zombie Bernie Mac could bend space and time because he's cool like that. Or maybe I could take Chemistry class, but I like playing make-believe. Oh, and it got moldy. Really moldy.

So, uh, not all of the Christmas articles are going to be like this. I'll be delivering in bite-sized nuggets this time, with stuff I think is awesome by Josh standards and whether you should buy/eat/watch/look/snort/make-out with. You'll see.

If I can ever stop being lazy, that is.

Christmas News.

2008-12-08T21:35:00.000-08:00

Alright.

I know.

I'm way behind. The layout isn't done, I haven't started any blogs this month, and we're already well into the second week of December.

Don't worry though. I have Wednesday off, so you might get an article or two.

Be patient. :)

Christmas layout.

2008-11-27T11:35:00.000-08:00

Its not done but I can't work on it until next week sometime.

So, uh, enjoy loud colors.

Ho ho ho.

Christmas? Christmas.

2008-11-16T18:01:00.000-08:00

I really feel like just writing something today. I've been inside the house all day, and I can almost see the walls sweating from the heat we're getting outside. Its kind of disgusting how the rest of the world are starting to pull out their winter jackets and pull the trigger on their heat lamps, but down here in California we have to devolve to shirts and T-shirts. Super gay.

Still, even with the sweat puddles that are forming in the couch, my spirits aren't coming down. And its pretty obvious why if you've gone to a shopping mall anytime recently - Its the beginning of the Christmas season. Might as well be called Christmas in July, but its starting.

I've kind of exited out Thanksgiving from my spiritual celebration calender, and nobody really looks that much forward to turkey and mashed potatoes. Okay, well, that's a lie. Because I like to eat. But I've made it tradition to listen to Christmas music bright and early in the morning before the parade starts. And then after I see Santa Claus riding a plastic sleigh at the very end and pass Macy's, I go back and listen to more Christmas music. That's just how it works in my house.

So yeah, I guess that's all I have to say. I just wanted you to realize how freaking CLOSE IT IS until Christmas. 39 days, to be exact. To put it into perspective: 8 more days, and it will be one month. One month until presents, food, and more presents. :)

...But no presents from this guy.

But don't forget! Here on the blog there'll probably be more Christmas stuff than there were Halloween stuff. One, because I like Christmas more. Two, I get lazy in October. No, I did not just make that up.

Pepsi Effed Up.

2008-11-08T22:05:00.000-08:00

Note: There's not much funny in this post if at all. So no comedy hour, guise. There's nothing to be funny about in this post. So if you get bored, don't say I didn't warn you...

Alright, let me just spit this out right away - I don't like Pepsi that much. It's not surprising, but I just don't. Not only do I not usually drink the cola, but I don't get the sodas they make other than Pepsi either. That includes Mountain Dew, Sierra Mist, and whatever else they make. Its just, I don't know, everything Coke does is better.

I respect Pepsi and all their 13% intake of carb-containing beverages, and I'm glad they're around. There's a lot of people who prefer Pepsi to Coke too, so I like to think of it as peaceful competition. So let me begin with a question: WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING.

"Wow, Josh," you're saying. "Just freaking calm down."

Okay. Look at this.

A Pepsi bottle, right? Seemingly ordinary, right?

Well, soak it in, as you won't be seeing it any longer.

Enter the replacement...

...Yeah.

"Wow Josh," You say. "It's just a Pepsi bottle. Why are you so upset? I thought you didn't really like Pepsi."

I hate this redesign. Hate it hate it hate it. Bleh. They're also doing it to the Pepsi Max bottles. Here's why it shouldn't have happened:

1) The bottle/can didn't need to be changed. Apparently they've never heard of 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it'. You've probably seen how Pepsi just semi-redesigned their packaging anyways, by letting artists slap paint over cans and Pepsi will sell them. I thought they looked pretty awesome (minus the one with the keyboard smilies)... why couldn't they just leave it?!

2) It looks way too plain. Yes, I realize that nowadays everybody seems to be following the Apple formula, but I just can't see how it can be much of an eyecatch. I mean, Pepsi is already established as the "blue" soda on the market, but that's all it has now - a color. The only example of that really working is from Coke, but seeing as Coke is the most recognizable brand name in the United States, they don't have much of a problem. (I really did read that somewhere, but I can't find it anymore) Speaking of looking plain...

3) The design looks like something on a cheap store brand soda. It's so cheap that it looks really similar to those sodas you find at Vons. But even then, the store brands look more eyecatching than the new Pepsi bottles.

4) The Pepsi font looks almost as ugly as Comic Sans. Oy. Really Pepsi? The bottle wouldn't look half as bad as it does now if you flipped the word correctly and used a non-outdated font. Looking at this makes me think they gave some 13 year old kid a trial version of Photoshop Elements and without looking at it slapped it on a plastic bottle.

What's good out of this though? They have a new design to their classic American logo. I guess its a little easier on the eyes than the older one.

Apparently, they changed it to make it look like a "smile"

"But Josh!" You continue to plea. "I don't even LIKE Pepsi. At all. I do my best not to even look at it. All I drink is Mountain Dew, dangit!"

Then it looks like I have bad news for you too, kid.

This is what happens when our corporate overlords try to be "hip"...

You see correctly. No longer shall it be called Mountain Dew... its now MtnDew.

Yeah.

At least they didn't go all Pepsi on this one, and they made a nice looking background (looks like some things are still sacred down at Pepsi!). But still. Really?? MtnDew?! I mean, its better than /|\0 |_| |\| + @ |\| |)#\|/, but I still don't see a good reason for a NAME CHANGE.

Will the mad butchering ever stop?? Can't we just leave good things to their own good ways? Pepsi says no yet again...

...Actually the new Sierra Mist can looks passable. But its still kind of plain and ugly, just not as much as the Pepsi ones.

Whatever. Sprite's better.

So, uh, yeah. If you're smart like me, you'll start stocking up on the current Pepsi, Mountain Dew and Sierra Mist cans to have a memory of when Pepsi still had their minds on Earth. They'll be long gone by either December or January depending on what state you're in.

I don't know why these kinds of things make me feel like tripping everyone in the company down the stares, but I guess that's what makes me awesome. Or... something. Oh well. I'm fine with it, as long as I can be in the next big Cola riot.

Halloween's over. PARTIE'S DONE GET OUT

2008-11-08T19:31:00.001-08:00

I'm announcing this a little late, but - surprise- Halloween is done. No more ghosts. No more vampires. No more of those little sugar candy pumpkin things I love so much.

ALL GONE.

And that includes all the Halloween festivities. No more Ghoul-Aid, Jason masks or Halloween Logos.

But why is this good?

SANTA SANTA SANTA SANTA

47 Days until Christmas as of today.

Expect a lot of Christmas stuff after Thanksgiving, like usual.

And that Halloween update I was going to post? Well one part of it isn't done, and the other part I think will make a good surplus post for when I forget to post and get lazy. So I'm saving it.

New post later tonight too.

Halloween 08: Target Sale Toys.

2008-10-30T17:57:00.000-07:00

During holidays, I tend to spend more money than usual. Not on gifts or anything, no. Usually on me. And that's what happened - I bought more stuff for me. But this time, its beneficial for you as well! Because you get to read about me enjoying things meant for me. And only me.

First up, we TRICK OR TATER MR. POTATO HEAD.

You're probably thinking "Why the lord did Josh buy a Mr. Potato Head?" Well... why not. It was only $5 and look how awesome it is. I haven't had one since I was like 5, so it gets you a little nostalgic I guess. And its even Halloween themed so that's why I present you with it today.

All it is is Mr. Potato Head dressed up for Halloween. But for what its worth, I think that's awesome.

$5 includes EVERYTHING THAT YOU SEE HERE. The original arms, hat, and feet plus Halloween themed accessories for pimpin yo Potato out.

I actually never realized why Mr. Potato Heads were even remotely fun. You build them, and then they just kind of sit there. As for me, I'm going to be the angsty teenager I am and gladly put up Senor Potato Head somewhere in my room all year round. Because I have no plans to make my room relevant anytime soon.

I had trouble making mine

So that's (probably not) what Halloween Mr. Potato looks like. Fun fun.

But wait! There's more! He comes with a ghost costume if vampires aren't your thing. And the eyes seem normal... but they also GLOW IN THE DARK. CAPS LOCK.

SWEET JESUS THATS TERRIFYING

So that's basically it. But its Mr. Freaking Potato Head. What else were you expecting? An Etch-A-Sketch?

...You were?

Oh. Well in that case...

Halloween themed Etch-A-Sketch? You bet your sweet cheeks. There's nothing MORE Halloween than this baby right here!

A custom paint job featuring a HORRIBLY SCARY ghost? Check. GOREY BLOOD RED knobs? Check.

...

Uhh, perhaps I bought this more for the sake of owning an Etch-A-Sketch than for the Halloween factor. But you can't blame me! Plus, this is limited edition. So someday I can sell this on eBay for like a gabazillion dollars.

Look, I even drew a beautiful picture.

...Its supposed to be a man in a hat grinning. I kinda messed up sort of. A lot.

...This is boring. Hey, maybe you'll appreciate what I got in Burger King a couple weeks ago! A fireman dressed iDog which is apparently the reincarnation of Hitler! Happy day!

Adolf Hitler? More like ADOG HITLER. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!111111 Adorable.

Look, his evil soul even shines through his cute wittle face.

Hurray for Halloween.

PS. It may be the last day of the season (not counting Halloween itself), but I have more Halloween stuff on the way. Even after Halloween. But it'll probably be only one post. And I wasn't here for so long because I got sick and went to Atlanta. I'm awesome like that. Sorry.

Halloween 08: Grow Your Own Goblin.

2008-10-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

You see them every year around the holidays. They're always in grocery store aisles next to the cheap toys. You even see them in those 50 cent machines at Best Buy. They're those 'Grow Your Own...' things. I would call them toys, but seriously, what much else can you do with them other than but them in a bowl and watch them get big?

Well, I could blog about it, that's what.

So yeah. This is my Grow Your Own Goblin. And just for fun and chuckles, I'll be updating with a picture of how much he grows every day that I can. Why? Because EVERY Halloween celebrating website needs a Grow Your Own Goblin somewhere on it. The world would very much be a better place, trust me.

Look at the little guy. He looks kind of dead. Actually, more of a zombie with an afro if you look hard enough. That's why I call him Zombie Bernie Mac! His skin color seems orange, but FALSE, hes really just dirty from sitting underground for a while. No biggie.

But... surprise PLOT TWIST, right when you didn't expect it! Forget Heroes. Lost SUCKS. Zombie Bernie Mac has a little trick up his sleeve, you see.

Zombie Bernie Mac is going somewhere where no Bernie Mac has GONE BEFORE.

He will be growing in a bowl of water, right? Hahaha- WRONG.

That's right, kids! Zombie Bernie Mac will be attempting to grow in the rhyming-ly DEADLY bottle of Jack Black! Yup, Jack Black. No, I didn't name it.

And - WHOA - he's getting ready to jump!

Uh oh - it looks like he's having second thoughts JUST before going off the high dive into Jack Black.

Remember, Zombie Bernie Mac has a lot to live for if he somehow misses the target. He has his own show, The Zombie Mac Show, and the upcoming Ocean's Fourteen, which is still being made after Mr. Mac's death, although its reported to be renamed Ocean's Fourteen Minus 1.

Wait-

He jumped... but... erm... he's stuck.

*cough* So, uhh, all was going well until this happened.

...

But don't worry! With my 99% muscle tone, I could easily beat him in. Which is what I did.

And thus, Zombie Bernie Mac begins his journey to grow "600% TIMES HIS ORIGINAL SIZE". Check back almost every day to see an updated picture and to see if - hopefully! - he gets so huge he either breaks the bottle or morphs into the shape of a bottle.

What, you thought I plunged him into Jack Black just for looks?

...No, I am NOT an alcoholic.

RIP BERNIE MAC YOU WILL BE MISSED

Halloween 08: Pumpkin Ice Cream

2008-10-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, you might be thinking - when does this guy ever stop talking about (Halloween) food? Well, if you didn't learn from the last time of me saying it, you may as well get off. I like food. And I especially like festive food with added Orange food coloring. Besides, I'm sure you like food too. You only eat it everyday. Halloween should be no different, right?

Well I have something you might actually want to buy this time!

Pumpkin FREAKING ICE CREAM

Admittedly the candy I posted about wasn't very Halloween-y (lol). Even though it was good of course, it doesn't bring out anything in particular, and you're left sitting on the table feeling like you're in any other month of the year. You feel horrible. It doesn't help any that Camarillo has been like 95 degrees the past week. Well, you're in luck today sir. Why?

Because Dreyer's Limited Edition Pumpkin Ice Cream(R) tastes like fall in an effing bowl.

I actually stumbled upon this last year, but seeing as it's only available until Thanksgiving I thought you'd want to hear about it.

It doesn't taste like pumpkin pie, which is a plus because I hate pie (cake all the way niiiiiiggs). And it doesn't even taste like JUST pumpkin either. It's a near perfect combo of pumpkin and spice. Seriously. You can taste the spiciness of it in your mouth. You may think you're eating one of those really good seasonal scented candles, but you probably aren't. Although thats probably what makes this taste so good. In that case, maybe I've developed a taste for melted wax. Hmm.

I can't really say much else about it other than it's really freaking good. Even when you eat it all, you have spicy pumpkin breath. You can't get much more festive than that... actually, if you were to eat this pumpkin ice cream in your cheap grocery store costume while watching that Charlie Brown Halloween special on ABC, I think that would be even better.

Here's what the entire thing looks like in stores if you're going to buy...

No, I don't work for Dreyer's, but I like to think I'm a very nice product endorser

Need yet another reason to pick up this stuff? It's only like $5. Come on, what else are you going to use that 5 bucks on? Your Falls Outs Boys and Panics at the Discos songs can wait, spend your hard-earned money on ice cream. You deserve it. Really!

...Yeah, I know, more pictures than content today, but hey, its not like I didn't update at all. Also check back tomorrow for maybe another update and at least a mini one.

...And yeah, I know all I've had was food so far this month, but that's all I could get my grubby hands on. Don't worry, I should have more in store... I think.

...And also, I am very much aware that there are like a gazillion That's What She Saids in this post. :)

Halloween 08: Halloween Candy, Part 1

2008-10-05T16:26:00.000-07:00

I don't think anybody has a surefire answer why kids go crazy over candy during Halloween in particular. I also don't think I really need to care, but whoever said "Hey guys, lets give the snot-noses of the town free candy!" way back in the day is a freaking genius. In fact, genius enough to realize that Delicious Candy + Senseless Killing and Horror = PERFECT HOLIDAY is a great hero in my book. Maybe not up there with the dude who sells Shamwow at 3 AM in the morning, but still high enough to be a good hero.

But anyways I decided to buy some Halloween candy. I like to think I deserve it.

"Gloomy Glasses" with Candy

First thing I wanted to buy, being the sophisticated gentleman I am, was this... thing. I wasn't really sure what it was, but IT CAME WITH FREE GLASSES. Forget the candy, I'm just in for the sweet shades! I mean, look at these things...

I think the reason I wanted these in the first place was because I knew deep down that it would could very potentially make me the coolest guy at school. I mean, I was already awesome before owning these, but I could possibly go up 5 meters on the cool cool glasses radar. What with their poorly sticked-on mouth and nose stickers and each lens looking like a skull, it just shows a statement on how -...okay maybe I'll just take the candy.

...And that's all that was in the bag. I kind of thought there was supposed to be something that had to do with the glasses, like the candy being inside them, but they kind of just came separately. I bet that the creators of this candy were so cheap that they went to one of those machines you find at Best Buy, took the orange and white ones, and labeled them as skeleton bones. Very bummed and near tears, I ate the candy. All it tasted like was sugar. But whatever gets you a sugar high, I guess. But hey, alls well that ends well...

STILL SEXY

...No, I couldn't see anything.

Harry Potter "Blood" Pops

So the second thing I acquired was these Harry Potter lollipop things. Thinking of those Harry Potter jellybeans with the delicious flavors I thought what the heck. I thought wrong, however, not knowing these blood pops... MAKE YOUR GUMS BLEED.

Okay not really. But they really didn't look any more exciting (or any different for that matter) than a normal cherry flavored lollipop. The only thing you can notice from the wrapper is that there's a "powder" on it and a bunch of food coloring was spilt onto the stick. Dangit Harry...

For all I know these things could be laced with crack and I wouldn't even notice. Knowing the fate of a million little kids were in my hand, however, I took the chance and experimented.

Like I thought, its just a cheap cherry lollipop with a Harry Potter brand name. But hey! It's Halloween! So I don't even care!

Next, we have HALLOWEEN OREOS! FREAKING OREOS! OH MY FREAKING-

Yeah, it's not candy, and I have no pity for you if you thought I'd stick to just what I was going to do (I have BlogADD).

Anyways, I know they come out with these every year, but I like them so much that I have to talk about them. Because Nabisco can sell anything to me if they put a "Halloween" in the name.

Few things can receive the tender love I give like Halloween Oreos get. And I think that thing would be crack. For reasons unknown, I would eat Halloween Oreos year round over regular Oreos. Not only do they introduce cookies with the imprints of ghosts, bats, and pumpkins, they just taste better. I'm thinking they mix crack in with the Yellow 6 creme coloring.

They also allow me to deliciously eat the not-so living guts out of them.

OH NOOOOOO

Yes, I do enjoy acting like a 6 year old.
Keep watching for more ~~cookie killing~~ candy reviewing action!

Halloween 08: Buried Pomegranate Jones Soda!

2008-10-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

I guess I would say I'm a festive person. For example, I've been counting down every single day until Christmas since the day after last Christmas. I think holidays are not only cool because it gives people an excuse to do holiday things, but because its an excuse for big money companies to cash off your love for said holiday things. Go anywhere during the month and you'll see product placement, candy, TV specials, movies, lawn decorations, soda, food, etc. It may seem that the guys who make all the stuff are just trying to get you to buy it and benefit off of your love of the day, and really that's all it really is. But you and I both know everyone loves it and is basically what makes holidays - and this case, Halloween.

And that's why I'm going to start a month-long of Halloween relevant posts with - surprise - a Halloween relevant post.

Halloween Jones Soda anyone?

Buried Pomegranate!

Its kind of a fact that everyone who's anyone has had at least one Jones Soda in their lifetime. I don't really think I need to introduce it, but if you forgot, they're the big bottles with brightly colored liquid inside and there's a wrapper with home pictures on the outside of little kids doing something dumb.

Along with the usual CRAAAAAAZY flavors (Berry Lemonade, Root Beer, Green Apple, Crushed Melon, etc.), around the later months they start selling seasonal sodas. Way back in 2003, they experimented by selling a new soda in November with a flavor simply titled "Turkey and Gravy". And yes, it really tasted like turkey and gravy. It sold so well that they've been releasing special holiday drinks for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas... but they decided to keep the Turkey and Gravy train going.

For Halloween, its a little different though - they only sell the new flavors in snack-size cans in 4 packs, but the good thing is there's 3 new flavors every year with a pun in the name. Because I'm cheap and all of my finances go towards Rock Band, I got only one (not like I needed all of them) - Buried Pomegranate.

Like all Jones Sodas, it was colorful - this time that color was pink. I don't even think anyone regularly sells pink colored soda on account of it looking really gay. Does it turn you gay if you drink it? If you're straight and drink it, does it make you throw up rainbows and tight pants? These were questions I hoped I didn't have to answer.

Besides thinking of really lame jokes, I took a drink.

And, well, it's actually really good.

It smells a LOT like pomegranate (and luckily not dirt-smelling BURIED pomegranate), and tastes like it too. There's not enough sugar or stickiness to make you feel gross either... it's no Berry Lemonade. Its pretty nice and light with no side of spewing rainbows.

As with anything Jones creates, I give it a thumbs-up. And if you're really lucky, I'll buy the other new flavors and tell you how those are too before you buy a bottle of liquidized crap. And on that note, I'll end this sadly lack of picture-filled post with some creepy picture I must have taken on accident:

Yes, I'll be updating with more awesome articles than this one but give me a break, I spent like almost three hours making the layout. No, I don't have anything better to do...

I live in Somis =/

Check Back to the blog on October 1st.

2008-09-29T18:30:00.001-07:00

October begins with the first of three of the big holiday months.

...Just sayin'.

Dr. Vaulter™!

2008-09-17T18:24:00.000-07:00

Some of the greatest things in history were originally two great things mixed together to make one even greater thing. Peanut butter and chocolate became Reece's Peanut Butter cups. Pineapple and soft-serve machines became Dole Pineapple Whip. Marvel superheroes and Capcom superheroes went on to make Marvel vs. Capcom. ~~Guitar Hero and Rock Band became Guitar Hero: World Tour~~ Good things come in two, there's no doubt about it. So why wouldn't this almost seemingly no fail formula not work for possibly the best two sodas of our time - Vault and Dr. Pepper?

The quest for the ultimate Dr. Vaulter recipe has to begin sometime, says I.

So I could totally give you some crazy, funny explanation of why I thought to do tonight's article on blending two soft drinks, but I really don't. The only reason I felt like I should write about this is when I was finishing up P.E., was thirsty, and started to talk about Vault. But I secretly craved a Dr. Pepper. And... ta-da.

I waited for the drinks to get cold, and then I got some very unprofessionaly mismatched glasses to taste-test in.

FACT: Soda tastes 110% better with ice

I decided for the experiment, I'd see which combo tasted best:
- More Vault, Less Dr. Pepper
- More Dr. Pepper, Less Vault
- 50/50 Vault and Dr. Pepper

EDIT: I took a picture of how they all looked next to each other but my camera baleted it on accident. I'm a tard.

More Vault, Less Dr. Pepper: This kind of tasted weird. It was really sweet-tasting with no resemblance to Dr. Pepper and only slightly Vault citrus-y. The mix also looked light brown inside the cup, which made it look throw-up colored. Not a plus.

More Dr. Pepper, Less Vault: This one was actually normal colored (even if the picture doesn't do it justice), and you wouldn't be able to tell Vault was in it. The taste was actually pretty nice - kind of like lemon and lime Dr. Pepper. For some reason I could taste the 'kick' of Vault in this one more than the other, so its more refreshing than just Dr. Pepper but not quite as much so as normal Vault.

50/50 Vault & Dr. Pepper: I made sure to put near the exact amount of both drinks into this one, so I obviously thought this would taste pretty good. It didn't. It just tasted like sugar with more sugar... and Coke. I couldn't taste either soda and they canceled each other out. It was gross. Don't Breath This.

So the winrar is More Dr. Pepper, Less Vault. If you want to make the recipe for whatever reason, I poured in about five seconds worth of Dr. Pepper and two of Vault. But yeah, I didn't even finish the other ones - I drank all of that one.

Conclusion? Dr. Vaulter isn't that great. But I guess it was worth a try and you got a blog article out of it.

PS. I'll have announcements on stuff soon. Also, 98 days till Christmas :)

Miserable Syrup - An Independent Film.

2008-09-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

Click here to watch in High Definition

"One man's life is pushed to the limit when the mind's boundaries becomes too much for him... and the key is maple syrup.

This brilliantly made independent film production tugs on the heartstrings, reaches into the bowels of the psyche, and pulls out your most loved organs and crushes them. Touching. Moving. Excellence. Stuffed Animals."

PaRappa the Rappah!

2008-09-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

Long time no see, nigglets! School has been pretty alright. The classes have gotten better for the most part, but my math teacher still has no problem trying to show off his crotch every once in a while.

But that's not what I'm here to tell you about! Today I'm here to talk to you about the best game you've never played, nor heard of.Yeah, you read correctly.

If I had to take one game from my childhood that would lead up to the awesomeness that I am today, this would be it. PaRappa the Rapper came out all the way in '96 for the PlayStation. My sister would always go to this CD store in Camarillo (like people do that anymore), and they always had a wall full of a couple PS1 games for some random reason. One night when I was like 7 my sister came home with some game she thought would be insanely random to play because it had a dog with a microphone on the cover. And needless to say, it was.

You already know its awesome.

The story of the game is about PaRappa, a dog living out life trying to impress his best lady friend Sunny Funny, which is a walking flower. Along with their friends PJ (a teddy bear) and Katy (a cat), PaRappa must learn how to go through certain scenarios in "episodes" (levels) of the game, such as learning to fight, drive, bake cakes, and even hold his bladder for extended periods of time! Yeah, you may be thinking this is the most ridiculous game you've ever heard of, but wait- there's more! Did I mention everybody is made of PAPER?

...And I ain't talkin' bout no plumber.

The beginning of the game starts off with PaRappa and his friends hanging out at some burger joint when -BAM!- the "neighborhood bully" jumps in wanting to take quote-on-quote "munchies" from the friends. He then spots Sunny and starts to harass her! What does PaRappa do? Nothing... because he can't fight. At that moment, Joe Chin the superhero dog jumps in, and throws the bully out! Sunny is grateful, and Joe Chin asks if she wants to ditch the antromorphic animals to hang out with him- a STRONG anthromorphic animal! She agrees, leading PaRappa to get the "dog"house blues (HAHAHA IM SO FUNNY). How can he impress Sunny? By learning the way of self-defense!

Training how to fight with Chop Chop Master Onion!

The actual game isn't too difficult, either - its kind of like prehistoric Guitar Hero... or something. Each episode has a "leader", who begins the first line of the rap. As the leader raps, a track will move from left to right on the top of the screen, which shows buttons on the controller. You'll know where they are when the leader's head scrolls across the buttons. You don't get a long time to study, but when the leader is finished, you... well, follow. You have to press the same buttons in order at the exact right time, leading you to finish the rhyme of rap. It depends on what level you're on, but most of the time you'll repeat lines of what the leader says while PaRappa follows on screen completing the commands. Sometimes however, you'll get to respond with an entirely new line, such as an actual song or witty comebacks.

What happens if you miss the command as it goes by? PaRappa usually does something retarded on screen, like saying "Oops" or "OHH!" instead of what he was supposed to say until you failed. Later in the game, when it gets harder and faster, you might press a different button over the other one, which prompts PaRappa to say a RANDOM WORD. Say the phrase you were supposed to say was "Putting the cake in the oven!" (which is actually a thing he does say) and you really mess up. PaRappa might rap with a "Putting the oven in putting cake!" or something messed up, while on screen you get booed, and if you keep messing up, the background will either light on fire, PaRappa will fall, or the leader will get PISSED.

And I mean PISSED. They'll litterally start yelling at you instead of making a rap.

U rappin' GOOD.

The right side of the screen shows a meter that you have to keep up to make sure you pass the episode. Try to stay in good, as you'll need it to pass (who would've known?). Once you mess up a couple times in a row, though, you'll drop to bad. The music will get more tense, and the background will start to enter a fray of MADNESS. Once you mess up even more, and drop down to awful, the music barely sounds normal, the background will be alllllllll messed up, and your leader will be ready to backslap the smiling PaRappa. Once you fail awful, you're done. Music fades off, the leader tells you how much you suck, and PaRappa usually makes a hilarious "Awwwwwwww, man..."

But, if you're insanely amazing, you'll get past good to cool. The only way to get to this rank is if you're an experienced anthromorphic video game rapper, meaning you know the right way to improv.

Yeah, you can improv, but this doesn't mean pressing random buttons to hear PaRappa shout "OOPS" 10 times in a row. If theres space left on the track, and you allign it with the beat to the point that it makes sense still, PaRappa won't scream in terror, and actually continue using words from the phrase. Doing this correctly a couple times will result in becoming cool, apparently. You'll be so freaking cool that the leader usually gets called from someone to go somewhere else, while you're left on your own. This means you get to improv and press buttons for a while making your own rap! But, once you stop making sense ("Driving driving car driving hit the brake car!") the leader will come back, and you'll go back to good.

Hard to explain, but its easy when you play it. Here's a video of the episode where PaRappa forgets about Sunny's birthday and has to make a cake on TV... WITH A TALKING CHICKEN:

The cutscenes in this game are really freaking intense. If you have PlayStation laying around, I think you owe it to yourself to play this insanely fun game. Come on- you've been working hard, and I think its time you learn about flea markets from a homeless frog.

Seriously - I don't make this stuff up.

Hey, PaRappa the Rapper was awesome enough to spawn a sequel for the PlayStation 2 back in 2002, a cartoon series in Japan, and even a couple CDs. Now THAT'S intense.

To tell you the truth, the only reason this game was brought to mind was from the geniuses behind Mega64's new PaRappa skit. I thought it was hilarious and was totally spot on.

So yeah. PaRappa is crazy, and there's tons of videos on YouTube. Check em' out.

Oh, also, here's a preview to my next video game related article...

Captain's Log: School, Week 1. Space Time...

2008-08-30T23:18:00.000-07:00

Oh hey again. I just thought I would write a continuation for those who slightly care about how school is a-going. So this is basically how it's rolling:

Period 1 - English
I don't really like English anymore if it keeps going like this. I have Beckman, and her class is really boring. She made us do this thing about the story of our lives, including writing a poem, making a collage, and drawing a road map all on a silhouette of our heads. At least I get the chance to make jokes about Bruce from Family Guy while I'm being bored with other people.

Period 2 - World Civ
I sit by people who I never talk to at all, but other than that it hasn't been horrible. There are some people I can hang out with when we do projects or whatever, but overall I don't think it will be that bad.

Period 3 - Bio Lab
Yeah, I don't take back the most boring class ever phrase I said before. Brasted has a boring voice, and she makes us write what we're doing that day for some reason. Which I don't get why because she makes us also keep a list of assignments and the day we did them all, as well as keeping the agendas on the board all day.... Oh, and I sit by really awkward guys. Pretty much sucks.

Period 4 - Geometry
This is the class with the awkward teacher who doesn't stop stretching his legs, talking in a high and low-sound voice, and talks about irrelevant things like Olympic running right in the middle of a lesson. Uhh, what? He has a really messy handwriting too, plus with me sitting in the way back, I sometimes don't get what he's writing. For all I know he's drawing some guys running in Beijing. But, while it sucks to sit in the back, it's also an advantage as I can see out the door and into the classroom across the way, which I have friends in. So I can totally wave like the cool guy I am.

Period 5 - P.E.
P.E. sounds like it will be pretty cool. I actually have friends in this class, unlike my previous periods which is unlucky, so I'm glad. We haven't even been doing anything all week either, so I've just been able to chill and talk. But I have a military general for a teacher - he seems like he can be alright at times, but he'll screw you up if you make one wrong move. So I'm trying my best not to get on his bad side.

Period 6 - French
Ahh, French. Not my favorite subject, but my favorite class from yesteryear, as you probably know by now. This year is even more interesting - our Period 1 from 9th grade always knew we were the best class, but not like THIS. See, this period has a majority from the only other period from last year, with 5 people from my class. And, as it turns out, almost EVERY SINGLE (and I'm not exagerating!) one of them are quiet and kind of awkward. But from our class? Not so much. We're usually yelling and laughing the entire time while they watch. Our teacher doesn't really care because we're usually still paying attention (usually... *cough*), and now the others are starting to kind of lighten up. But, apparently there's a reoccuring joke in the class that I have poofy hair. But we can get into that later =P.

So yeah, there's your status report, you belly-rubbers.

I'll write an article tomorrow, promise!

AAAAAAGH SCHOOL

2008-08-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day of school... and frankly it wasn't very exciting. It just felt like summer never happened. Which sucks.

Here's a review in 3 words or less.

First Period - English: Awkward people.
Second Period - World Civ: Don't know anyone.
Third Period - Bio Lab: BORING-EST CLASS EVER
Fourth Period - Geometry: Awkward teacher.
Fifth Period - PE: Hopefully alright.
Sixth Period - French: Awkward but hilarious.

...that's it. I've been falling asleep ever since I got home, but I drank a liter of Coke and now I'm awake. That may not be good. But yeah.

Maybe updates tomorrow or whatever.

School, Red Rings, Fancy Shoes, and an UPDATE!

2008-08-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

Ugh. Less than three days until Hell rises in the form of school. Actually, when put into a different perspective, that's 65 hours until the first bell rings for sophomore year. Only 65 hours.

I'm only a little bit anxious to get back into the swing of things like seeing friends again, but then again, so far the only class I have with the people I hang out with is French. I know I'll probably meet more people, but it kind of sucks. PLUS I need to make a decision if I want to see if I can get into an English Honors class last minute, and if I decide to do so, my whole schedule will change.

But I'm not only pessimistic! I'm Josh. I can't wait to go back to my regular, obnoxious rituals of passing the That's What She Saids left and right and making awkward moments while talking about black guys and A-1 steak sauce.

But anyways... here's a random post o' fun.

-----

=,(

If you remember my post from a while back, you would've have known that my Xbox 360, did, in fact, die. But this time, it didn't pull a Phoenix - it's gone.

The night it passed away in it's sleep (No, I am NOT being too dramatic about it!) I went onto Xbox.com and registered my console so they could send me a box with the shipping and handling payed so when I got it I could send off my Xbox in that, free of charge, to the ol' repair shop. Along with that, they sent me a UPS tracking code so I could see if the guys in those big trucks were slacking on the job.

And, sadly, they are.

"SPECIAL EVENT!"

Uhh. What does a "special event" have to do with interfering with getting in a truck and sending me my box?! You're a postal service - why don't you just send it to a WORKING post office so they can send me it?

But no. They're making us go up all the way to Newbury Park for a BOX. So much for this being free...

They never even said what was so special about this event. What, did your building get termites and now you have a huge circus tent over the place and you can't go inside? You know what, that's not even ridiculous enough. My bets are on the workers are just too lazy to do their own freaking job.

According to the Xbox website, minus the costs it takes to ship to and fro, it takes 3-4 weeks for them to get it fixed. Which really means "screw you, we'll finish fixing it whenever we feel like it."

I'm missing Rock Band 2 for sure now.

------

Guess who got awesome shoes? Not you.

A couple days ago I had to come to the conclusion that I needed new clothes for school. So I went down to Pac Sun and got clothes and stuff, but the cool part of it was that I went to Vans and got some insane slip-ons to hang out with my already awesome skull ones I bought a while back. The thing was I got them for 30$ which, I think, is pretty good. Totally good.

But I couldn't live at school with just slip-ons, so I got these puppies too.

Yup, you see correctly. Black, green, and purple shoes. I'm just that awesome.

-----

Alright, now is the time to dig your memory. Remember that time way back towards the end of school when I went on a field trip to a French restaurant and I got that pepper steak? Well, the steak was pretty okay. I thought it was alright.

But, now I'm not so sure about that answer. I could've potentially been eating mold in my food. Here's why...

So, uh, that very same restaurant I went to was on KITCHEN NIGHTMARES WITH GORDON RAMSAY, the yelling British guy from Hell's Kitchen. And at the end of the show, he didn't use any of the improvements that Chef Ramsay gave him. That worries me.

----

Oh, maybe a new article tomorrow or tonight. Depends on if I feel like it.

The "Josh 9th Grade English Mandatory Blog" BLOG ARCHIVE.

2008-08-19T22:19:00.000-07:00

So... summer is pretty much done. Over. Gone forever (not really). Tomorrow I have to get up early and head over to the school to get my first semester schedule. I guess this year Camarillo is lazy and won't just mail them to you like last year. It sucks, but I might be able to punch some people across the face while I sit in line waiting to know how my fate will turn out this year. (PLEASE GOD, DON'T GIVE ME MS. THEE AGAIN)

Anyway, something just reminded me of our blogs we had to do for English in Mrs. Gonzalez's class. It was a pretty good idea - whatever written homework we had, like poems or essays, would be posted onto the blog instead of physically handing them in. That included all of my insane Chuck Norris and 80s treasures I wrote about. Some of the entries were from stuff the teacher passed back to us, and everyone else in the class could read it when it was our day to go to the library or whatever. We could even decorate the backgrounds and stuff.

So it was pretty cool in my eyes, considering it was school anyways. But sadly, this was Mrs. Gonzalez's last year at Cam High, which could potentially kill all of the blog posts whenever it was deemed too inactive or she decided to take it down. I just found the old link through some heavy-Googling and before everything gets thrown away, I'll save it a comfy home in this nice old blog of mine.

So, without further ado, here's my old school English blog, including just-written explanations, in all it's entirety...

"This Blog is better than You", Period 4. By Josh.

About the Blogger
This blog is probably better than yours. No question. by josh

-----

I Live in TV
Posted on Febuary 21, 2008 at 2:12 PM
[We were given some poem called "I Live in Music" and we were supposed to change everything in the original to something that interested us. Everybody was doing the same lame thing, like nature or video games. I spiced mine up a little. And yes, I really turned this in as is.]

I LIVE IN TV
by the Josh

I live in TV
This isn't where you live
I live here in TV
I live on 21 Jump Street
My friend lives Bel Air
You probably don't live here in TV
Bill Nye the Science Guy
Runs round me like robots to other folks
Gilligan pours water on my face
Cold as the anger in Chuck Norris' eye
Hot like random stuff blowing up I rub my lips
Thinking they waz Alf
I got Saved by the Bell when other people got nothing
& a 62 inch plasma screen for both sides of my heart
I walk round in the news like somebody else
be walkin' on the Earth
I live in channels
Eat in the Food Network
Breath on Oxygen
I can even smell it
Wear TV on my head
You can watch Cops
Ya could make an American Idol where your arm is
Hold yourself in TV
Or something, I don't know, I'm done with this poem

-----

FREE VERSE - An Ode to Chuck Norris
Posted on Febuary 28, 2008 at 8:15 PM
[We were assigned a little over a week long project where we had to use every main form of poetry. I decided that this was going to be really boring unless I did something insanely awesome. And knowing me, I did.]

And Ode to Chuck Norris
by Josh Serrano.

Chuck Norris, the most powerful person one will ever meet
Seeing Chuck Norris will make your brain explode
Hearing Chuck Norris makes ears crumble
Touching Chuck Norris sends waves of fire up your arms
There's no question about it.
Chuck Norris is crazy cool.
Some say he can shatter one's very soul
from all the power and force in his Roundhouse Kick.
Nothing in this universe can compare to the Chuck
while not even the universe can compare to Chuck Norris.
But at the end of the day,
planets still revolve around the sun, right?
Wrong,
the sun revolves around Chuck Norris.

Fin

-----

ACROSTIC - Chuck Norris
Posted on February 28, 2008 at 8:42 PM
[For this one, we had to write a poem about whatever we wanted, but what we chose had to spell the the word/phrase when looking at the first letters in every sentence downwards. Guess what I chose...]

Chuck Norris
by Josh Serrano.

Chuck Norris is a man-god
He can probably eat your soul
Under these circumstances, he actually is going to eat your soul
Cause he's cool like that.
Killing is Chuck's hobby
Nobody can beat him
Others have tried...
Real smart, because they have yet to come back.
Reason #90012 Chuck Norris is better than you.
I think Chuck Norris is cool
So you should too.

-----

EPITAPH - The Death of a Legend
Posted on February 28, 2008 at 9:02 PM
[You know the writing they put on gravestones under the name that describes the dead guy? Well, apparently you use poems on them. So, mine, dealing with death, is of course tragic...]

The Death of a Legend
by Josh Serrano.

CHUCK NORRIS
Although here his body lies,
everyone knows
Chuck Norris can not die.
While his victims have fallen,
you can still hear them bawlin',
from the roundhouse kick Chuck used
through utter pain and abuse.
So, we gather here today and while we forget less,
it seems as Death has finally caught Chuck Norris...
but Chuck Norris had really caught Death.

-----

FOUND POEM - Chun Kuk Do
Posted on February 28, 2008 at 9:18 PM
[This one wasn't very exciting actually. We had to go into a book/text, put some phrases together, and make a poem out of it. It's not easy finding things written about Chuck Norris that weren't vulgar, so I went deeper and looked into a website about Chuck's martial art strategy. Intense...]

Chun Kuk Do
by Josh Serrano.

Chun Kuk Do, the universal way
a defensive combat, an open style
colored belts, rank and skill like most martial
arts
a Code of Ethics, used by all practitioners
"I will develop myself to the maximum of my
potential in all ways."
"Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to
greater achivements."
"Look for the good in all people and make them
feel worthwhile."
"Maintain respect for those in authority and
demonstrate respect at all times."
"Always remain loyal to God, my country, my
family, and my friends."
not just kicking and striking, a style of
fighting... a way of life

(text found from here: http://www.thealmightyguru.com/Database/DB-ChunKukDo.html)

-----

CONCRETE - The Face of Chuck
Posted on February 28, 2008 at 9:29 PM
[Concrete poems are poems that seem to resemble a picture based on the object of the poem. Little did we know that when we submitted something to the blog that it would reformat, so they're all kind of eff'ed up. Just deal with it - it was supposed to look like Chuck Norris' head, and no way I'm going to put it all back together again. Chuck ain't no egg.]

The Face of Chuck
by Josh Serrano.

Can you believe how crazy cool the
Chuck is? His face is the most
intimidating thing anybody will
see
in
a
life --- ---
time,
with his eyes
always
glaring
back,
as he
stares into your soul. His
goatee and sideburns make
Chuck look even more fright-
ening, be- cause
under his beard
is not a chin,
but really just another
fist. Nobody can even
compare to the Chuck.

(the poem is in the shape of a face, with "---" being eyebrows, "his eyes" being eyes, and the words at the bottom being a goatee and a spot for the mouth)

-----

HAIKU - Dr. Pepper
Posted on Febuary 28, 2008 at 9:33 PM
[Here's the last of that project's poems. I was drinking a Dr. Pepper at the time, and thought I should give some credit to the another great soda. And you probably know what a haiku is.]

Dr. Pepper
by Josh Serrano.

The Dr. Pepper,
a delicious miracle,
never disappoints.

-----

Weintraub's Article ESSAY
Posted on April 29, 2008 at 1:59 PM
[For about a month we were studying this packet of newspaper articles about fast food companies getting people fat, which we had to decide whose fault it was - the person buying the food or the restaurants. Here's the essay we had to write about one article...]

Weintraub’s article “The Battle Against Fast Food Begins in the Home”, the author blames parents for the rising rate of obesity in children, opposed to the fast food industry. Many people, especially parents, are blaming companies such as McDonalds for the way children are eating unhealthily. Although I do agree that fast food companies are using advertisements to lure kids into their restaurants, I agree with how Weintraub thinks that parents need to step up and stop blaming others for their own obvious mistakes.
When I was a lot younger, my parents would send me to McDonalds about once a week for a Happy Meal. I didn’t think anything of it, other than my parents being nice and giving me a treat for food. I had no idea about nutrition facts. Heck, I thought you could only get fat from eating way too much. But what ended up happening to me was I would get sick every month, maybe even more. And although I was born into a family with a high metabolism, I understood I was getting unhealthier. My parents noticed this and stopped sending me to the McDonalds Playground all the time, and tried getting more homemade meals into my diet. They never once blamed the restaurants for being unhealthy, and instead took this upon their selves to get me back into shape.
Weintraub explains his thoughts on the matter, and I didn’t think he could be more spot-on. He says although his family isn’t the healthiest in the world, he tries to do the best he and his wife can to show his children what eating right should be all about. Kids have absolutely no understanding of how the human stomach works, or how to get fat. Parents need to try to explain to them that even though Wendy’s and Baskin Robbins trips twice a week sounds good, it will be bad for them when they grow up. Show them that healthy food can be good too, and try to make homemade meals when the parents are home. Hey, even getting smaller portions of food when eating out will help young ones and affect the way they think about ordering fast food in the future.
So in conclusion, parents got to stand up and take action, not just sit around and whine that McDonalds made their kids fatties. Is Burger King shoving milkshakes and fries down your kids’ throats? It’s the parents who are giving money to their children. It’s the parents who are buying them burgers instead of salads. It’s the parents who ultimately influence the way children eat.

-----

The 80s!
Posted on June 2, 2008 at 1:50 PM
[This was the last post I put into the blog only a week before school was let out. We had to write a summary about the book we were reading using a worksheet... basically it was just a fill in the blank. And of course I was reading a Time Life book on the 80s.]

If you enjoy the decades, nostalgia, and big hair, then you should read The 80s, a nonfiction book by The Editors of Time Life magazine. It tells the intense story of pop culture, politics, and happenings during the 1980s which changed the way people looked at the world, such as articles and timelines including music, movies, and the life of Ronald Reagan. The best part of the book is when the writers talk about how songs featured more electronic sounds from the rising popularity of computers, and also how movies were becoming more complex with special effects. After reading it, I have learned that the 80s was a pretty awesome time to live in, and also led up to many things that are still used today. Intense and freaking crazy, this book is definitely a you-must-read-it-now-read!

And there you go. My 9th Grade English 1 Blog. So, uh, yeah.

"SQUIRT? WHAT'S YOUR POWER LEVEL?" "ITS OVER 9000!!!"

2008-08-14T22:48:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, you might be thinking - when does this guy ever stop talking about food? I'm sorry, but this will be the last for a while, promise! Wait, no, Pinky swear! Now that's commitment.

Short article tonight, because I don't have much to say (still recovering from my recent loss). But I went back to that liquor store and although not very rare, thought I'd bring this home just for you readers.

ENERGIZED REFRESHMENT. Serious business.

This time it's Squirt: Citrus Power. Other than sounding like a dirty movie, this new version of Squirt is apparently an official "ENERGIZED REFRESHMENT". I guess the 7Up company is trying to capitalize on the Monster-grown generation of kiddies.

All I could see that was energizing was caffeine. How unoriginal. I realized that this was nothing compared to Vault or Mountain Dew - at only about 73mg of caffeine per serving, that doesn't beat Vault's 130mg. So, I declare a FAIL.

Time to taste and stuff. Because that's what you do with soda.

When you open it, no bubbles really fizz up other than this crown of fizz. Which is weird. But I took a sip.

....
....
.....
......
.....
....
...

It's not very good. It tastes like Squirt, all right... but, a lot more sharp, a lot less fizzy, and more citrus-y. Tastes like an overload of ... vitamins or something like that.

But, after drinking it for a while (and spilling a good share of it on my desk...), it woke me up. Which isn't very good, seeing as I'm trying to go to bed early to get ready to get up early for school again. Oh well, it was worth it.

Wait... no it wasn't.

JOSH REVIEW: Don't drink it. DRINK VAULT.

How long will this chain of frequent posts last? I dunno, lets find out tomorrow!

...SHOOT!

=(

2008-08-13T21:03:00.001-07:00

So, uh, who's up for some Mario Kart?

Burger King Potato Chips!

2008-08-13T12:56:00.000-07:00

I promised you an article today, and here it is, early!

A couple weeks ago (that same weekend that I had received a guest article from Aidan) the parents went up to the usual liquor store where we buy random soda and candy every once in a while. Apparently this time they found something stranger, however...

Burger King "Flame Broiled Flavored Potato Snacks"!

So, uh, there's a lot of questions to be asked about this picture, I'm presuming. What exactly is a "Flame-Broiled" flavor? How does it taste like anything relating to Burger King? Why can't we just get Whopper-flavored chips?

I had no idea what to think about this. The bag looks inviting, but they never explained what flame-broiled apparently tastes like. I was starting to think they intentionally flavor-blasted them with rusty stove metal from some Burger King in LA.

I decided to investigate this further and looked on the back...

Actually, its 54 years.

Not once on the back of the bag did they mention anything regarding the potato-snacks in question. At this point I was beginning to lose hope in the King. First it was the promise of a Pikachu plush which they didn't deliver, and now chips without an actual flavor.

But wait-

"Crispy punch" in the "hearty flavor".

Now we're going somewhere!... well, kinda. The corporate overlords describe the snack as hearty, crispy, and crunchy, but again nothing about the actual chip. Which worried me. If the makers can't even slightly describe the taste, are they even licensed to make junk food?

That's when I realized that I've been had.

The chips weren't meant to taste good! They were just buying on the crowd of people who were curious about what a Burger King chip would taste like. Like me.

Still, I had to finish my quest and open up the bag...

The smell got out fast...

Upon opening the bag (wrapper?) a really strong smell escaped.

And without a doubt that was the worst smelling chip I've ever smelled.

I can't even describe it. It just... stinks. I also was disappointed to discover only a quarter of the bag had the rancid potatoes in it. Another marketing ploy - making the bag bigger that it should have been for more cash from a gross smelling chip.

Now... it was time to taste it.

...

...
....
.....
......
.....
....
...

...Chip tastes like butt.

It doesn't taste like a cheeseburger. Doesn't taste like fries. Doesn't taste like a milkshake. Doesn't taste like "fire". It just tastes like crap.

Despite what the wrapper says, it's not even that crispy. It's actually pretty soft, making it even WORSE - it's like eating a thin piece of week-old Bloomin' Onion. It left a really gross aftertaste in my mouth too, and sadly that Vault can you saw in the background was empty.

Ugh. I can still smell them even though they're on the other side of the table. I need a sandwhich now.

So, in conclusion, they probably just blended together old onions, a rotten pepper, and soft potatoes. As Tom Dickinson would say "Rotten Burger King chip smoke. Don't breath this."

But hey, at least these expire on my birthday.

BONUS! Want to see how much I hate Burger King Flame Broiled Potato Snacks? Well, here's a video!

Go to the actual YouTube video page to watch in high-quality

THE JLOG NEWS: STAY CLASSY SAN DIEGO

2008-08-12T22:09:00.000-07:00

HOLY CRAP AN UPDATE WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA

Your face when you went to the blog.

Yeah, I'm not being completely neglectful. I've not forgotten the dear Jlog, I've just been way lazy these past few weeks and busy too (if that makes sense).

You should notice a couple things... first, all the colors changed around! Well, yup, they are. Second, there's a new logo! Celebrating going back to school! YAY! And third, before you start complaining, I know it isn't up to par with my old ones, but it's not going to be on there forever so deal with it. And the actual "the JLOG" logo looks off because ~~I accidentally deleted it off my computer forever~~ IT WAS UGLY SO I CHANGED IT.

Oh, make sure you vote in the nice little poll on the right there. Just make me feel important by putting it there, okay?

Oh, here's someone I want you to meet...

This is Charles the video camera.

Yeah, I got the video camera I've been wanting for a really long time. I got some video plans, but I need to start a roundtable discussion or something and gather a couple friends to make sure we can make some quality videos TOTALLY on par with Smosh. (okay, maybe not... plus Smosh is pretty lame...)

Not only does it have a 30-gig built in harddrive and take 1080p HD video, it also takes pictures!

A picture straight from Charles just before that other picture was taken!

Pretty awesome, I know. With this new-found power, I can take video and pictures of random things for even MORE in-depth coverage of random food items, toys, or whatever. Me and Charles hang out a lot, so I'll probably be able to catch something weird if I'm out.

EDIT: Oh, I forgot... this is a video I took from my cousin's birthday this weekend. Here's the other cousin, Kyle, doing stuff. LOOK AT THAT HD WHOA

Click on the actual YouTube link to watch in HD because it looks way better. And in HD and stuff.

I just wanted to write that I'm still here and about recent news and all, but tomorrow I PROMISE I'll write a new something-something. I have this "item" right next to me, just so I won't forget.

Because I love you all so much.

...And sorry for the lack of wit in this post. COME BACK TOMORROW ALRIGHT BYE GUYS
Uh, oh yeah, sorry about the Summer Jamboree. I got bored. But times like these call to use a quote most-often said by the Oakland Raiders... hey, we'll get em next year!

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

2008-07-29T14:21:00.000-07:00

11:42:35 PM Josh!: CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE
11:43:39 PM Josh!: You stumble upon a room, each wall with a door. One door leads to a soda, the other, a different soda. A smaller door leads to an unidentified scented candle.
11:43:47 PM Josh!: To choose door 1, go to page 3.
11:43:54 PM Josh!: To choose door 3, go to page 75.
11:44:02 PM Josh!: To choose the small door, go to page 900.
11:44:06 PM Taylor: where did you find this?
11:44:12 PM Taylor: and i have a book like that
11:44:18 PM Josh!: you just have to choose.
11:44:24 PM Taylor: oh
11:44:26 PM Josh!: Which page do you turn to?
11:44:31 PM Taylor: 900!
11:45:26 PM Josh!: You crawl through the smaller door, being the curious little bugger you are. But, curiousity killed the cat in this case: it wasn't a candle, but really a man-eating moose.
11:45:27 PM Josh!: THE END
11:45:36 PM Taylor: haha
11:45:37 PM Josh!: Do you cheat and go back to the previous page? Y/N
11:45:41 PM Taylor: Y
11:45:45 PM Josh!: k
11:45:50 PM Josh!: You stumble upon a room, each wall with a door. One door leads to a soda, the other, a different soda. A smaller door leads to an unidentified scented candle.
11:45:53 PM Taylor: wait do you have this book?
11:45:56 PM Josh!: To choose door 1, go to page 3.
11:46:00 PM Taylor: or is it on the internet
11:46:00 PM Josh!: To choose door 3, go to page 75.
11:46:04 PM Josh!: To choose the small door, go to page 900.
11:46:14 PM Taylor: page 3
11:48:17 PM Josh!: You turn the knob slowly leading to door one. The wood paneling creeks. You put one step in... and realize you're in no danger. No, there's just a window with the light gleaming onto a small yet fashionable table. On this table are two containers: One containing Orange Sierra Mist, the other a Coca-Cola. After realizing this, the door closes behind you automatically. A slow, blood-curdling voice comes out of no where, saying "You must choose one... or you die."
11:48:31 PM Josh!: To choose the Sierra Mist Orange, go to page 1337.
11:48:49 PM Josh!: To choose the Coca-Cola, go to page 1337101.
11:48:57 PM Taylor: 1337.
11:50:12 PM Josh!: You pick up the Sierra Mist. "Here goes..." You feel the sweat coming down your forehead, thinking wether or not you made the right choice. The bottle feels cool, refreshing. You decide it's better to just get it over with, and you tilt your head back and take a couple drinks.
11:50:23 PM Josh!: Continue to page 9000.
11:50:33 PM Taylor: 9000
11:51:31 PM Josh!: You let out a refreshing "Ahhhh." The Sierra Mist seemingly tastes normal, and tastes quite good running down your throat. You wipe the sweat off your forehead and take a seat on the ground. But, just then, something... strange begins to happen.
11:51:44 PM Josh!: Say your prayers and continue to page 12345.
11:51:50 PM Taylor: 12345
11:56:30 PM Josh!: At first, your stomach begins to rumble. Feeling sick, you lay on your left side. Your skin quickly becomes a white pale, and your eye whites begin to yellow. You feel your fingernails growing at an alarming and shockingly quick rate. The walls begin to draw away, or so you think. The door opens, and gasping for air you steadily move towards it. Creeping with a limp leg, you return to your initial starting place, where you collapse with consciencness failing. But, with your last open eye-light, you see a sign on the label of the Sierra Mist. You look closer, with your teeth beginning to rattle and nose bleeding, and it says with a very subjective print: "You just lost the game". The End.
11:57:50 PM Taylor: NOOOOOOO
11:57:52 PM Taylor: I
11:57:53 PM Taylor: just
11:57:54 PM Taylor: lost
11:57:55 PM Taylor: the
11:57:56 PM Taylor: game
11:58:03 PM Josh!: HAH!

...I then preceded into the kitchen to get an Orange Sierra Mist. It was delicious.

Soda Jelly Beans STICKREVIEW!

2008-07-21T00:53:00.000-07:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still alive. I've been doing science and I was still alive. While you're dying I'll be still alive. And when you're dead I'll be still alive.

...All horrible Portal references aside, I just kind of said eff it to my blog for a while. I was getting bored, basically. But now I realized that it was more boring not thinking all day about what to write in this said blog than to skip it entirely. So I'm back to stay, but with that said, I probably won't write a new a article every day. (RHYME! BOOM!)

Anyway, what I'm here for is to show you something that I've been searching for forever... the highly collectible SODA POP SHOPPE JELLY BELLY BOX.

Its gourmet.

It may really not be THAT rare in question, but just look at it. It's one of those commonly sold things that just begs to be an item that in some 20 years the average nostalgic High School Musical-generation kid has to blog about. I promise that will be the longest sentence of this post tonight.

Anyways, this container of joyous jelly beans includes six popular soda brands and flavors... Orange Crush, A&W Root Beer, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up, A&W Cream Soda, and Grape Crush. Dr. Pepper ftw, but where's my Vault flavored Jelly Belly?? Coke... pitch a meeting as soon as you get this message.

Well, let's have a little look-see now, shall we? First up, Grape Crush.

Ah, Grape Crush. The younger, less attractive sister of Orange Crush. I never really liked Grape Crush that much. It was just always kind of... there, right next to Orange.

But, alas, I sample the jelly bean. Although I don't drink the pop often, I knew that it really didn't have the zing to be called the Grape Crush soda-flavored Jelly Belly. Kind of just tastes like a sharp grape one. But... I guess it tastes good?

3 out of 5 Grape Jelly Beans
---

I can't say it was really too hard finding Orange Crush in a bag full of white and brownish colored beans. Upon first bite, I realize it tastes... like Orange Crush.

The difference between a Crush bean and a plain orange one is that I guess they paid attention to the sweetness of the soda. I would say it tastes sweeter. So, uh, yeah. If you've ever had an Orange Crush, you'd immediately recognize it.

4 out of 5 R.E.M.'s
---

Guess what time it is? ~~Hammertime~~ Time to be a pepper! Dr. Pepper was pretty much the flavor I only bought this box for, as when I opened it I rummaged threw the bag like a kid digs in his box of Cap'n Crunch for a Batman toy.

It took me a while to find it, but it was great. Maybe its my totally unbiased opinion from my hatred of Dr. Pepper, but this is probably the best of the box. Artificial fizz, great flavor, it's good to be a pepper. (shameless advertisement slogans two for two tonight!)

90 out of 5 Mana-mana's
---

I have a confession. I actually had the A&W Root Beer one before I found Dr. Pepper, but I felt the Dr. should be above it. And there's reason.

This one felt kind of bland compared to the others. I mean, its root beer flavored, it has that. But I couldn't taste as much of the nice fizz they could create like they did for Dr. Pepper and Orange Crush. Maybe it's because this bean was actually the first soda-flavored bean to hit the market, further creating other monsters. Kind of like how Gizmo from Gremlins was nice, innocent, and couldn't do crap while his evil clones could destroy the entire city and sing Snow White tunes. It's still good though... just, not EVIL GREMLINS QUALITY.

3 out of 5 Amburgers and Woot Beers
---

Mmmm. That was the reaction from the 7-Up jelly bean.

It actually doesn't taste EXACTLY like the soda, but you can easily detect the lemon and lime. It has a LOT of the fizz, just like the drink, which is an added plus. It has the most kick of the whole bag, hands down. ~~Maybe it's better than the Dr. Pepper one?~~ DR. PEPPER FOR LIFE BABY

5 out of 5 The Spot's
---

And lastly, the A&W Cream Soda Jelly Bellys.

Uhh... tastes like cream. Not cream soda. No fizz.

THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING
THIS SUCKS

1 out of 5 Lawsuits
---

Well kids, there you have it. Jelly Belly Soda Pop Shop. In stores everywhere.

But, before I go, one last picture just for you:

...DR. PEPPER FOR LIFE

Special Guest Article: FROM AIDAN

2008-07-13T17:00:00.000-07:00

You're never going to get a Pikachu plushie.
Ever. So just give up.
Never gonna get it.
Oh yeah, make Augie stop with the face-crotch. Really.

HI, I'M DAISY

2008-07-07T11:49:00.000-07:00

{This original blog post has been translated into Princess Daisy-ian.}

HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY.

HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY.

HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY.

HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY.

HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY HI I'M DAISY.

{End of Babbelfish translation.}

And that's why I like Princess Daisy.
Its my blog, and I'll do what I want, mmkay?

Sit Right There, I'll tell you all about how Will Smith became the BEST GUY EVER... of Bel-Air?

2008-07-02T23:43:00.000-07:00

So, as you probably have heard, there's a new movie coming out staring everybody's favorite Fresh Prince, Will Smith. It's called Hancock (You! In the back! Stop giggling!), and it's about some superhero who the public generally dislikes. I personally will always have a place in my heart for a superhero who's usually drunk, throws kids just for fun, and raps about moving to Bel-Air. Anyways, its safe to say Will Smith is one of my favorite actors of all time.

But, I bet you didn't even know how Will even got to where he is today, did you? That's a no.

Well. Looks like I'll have to show you how great Will Smith is and how great Will Smith's life is. Not only because of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, no! Everything else is just AWESOME.

I'll try not to make as many Fresh Prince references as possible. Here goes...

Will Smith, His Royal Freshness, was born around 7 or 8 when he yelled to the womb "yo holmes smell ya later!". He was pronounced Prince right on the spot, along with his abnormally large ears.

West Philadelphia was where he was born and raised. Some say on the playground is where Will spent most of his days. You know, chilling out, maxing, and of course, relaxin' all cool. Him and his friend Jazzy Jeff would play some basketball outside the school, eatin' barbeque and putting those whiteys to shame in b-ball.

Well, you see, those whiteys mentioned earlier were ROBOT BEARS IN DISGUISE. They beat up Jazz and Willie. The kids came home BAWing, when The Prince's mom got scared. Those Robot Bears mean business, you know! She told him that he's moving with his auntie and uncle in Bel-Air, as California is a Robot Bear free zone.

Will cried, but snuck Jazz in his briefcase, so it ALL good!

When the Fresh Prince and Jazz got into Bel-Air, they realized how pissed off their parents made them. How could they send them all the way over here? Will had heard things about them boozing wine and all that. Is this REALLY the type of place where they could send this cool cat?! Jazz, being observant, saw a nearby recording studio. This could be their big break! He told Will this, and he added how he now didn't think so, he'll see when he gets there, to sit on his throne as the new Prince of Bel-Air!

You see, Will was the rapper, and Jazz was the DJ. So, being clever, they released a CD called He's the DJ, I'm the Rapper. They also made songs, apparently. One was about how parents don't understand them although they're grown men, one was about how women aren't nothing but trouble although Will and Jazz aren't gay, and one about fighting Mike Tyson. Somebody's been playing a little too much Punch-Out!!

With their clever lyrics (So kids all across the land... parents just don't understand!), they became SUPAHSTARS. People loved them!

But then... IT HAPPENED.

One of the whiteys followed Will and Jazz... and he ATE JAZZ.

HE EFFIN ATE JAZZ!

Will became clinically depressed.

The only thing he could do to ease all the pain was destroy alien scum while dressed in black. Everything pretty much just went down hill from there.

I drew this, shut up

Poor Fresh Prince. All he ever loved... had passed him by. But! Hope was not lost!

One day he MAGICALLY GOT SUPERPOWERS. He could fly! He was momentarily happy...

...that is, until he flew into an apartment complex and ran into a baby at 66mph. The baby sadly didn't make it.

So... these were Will's dark hours. He turned to drinking. HEAVY alcohol.

This went on for about 5 years... until one day, he was sitting on top of a building.

He was drinking, as usual. But in the distance, Will Smith saw a cab. It was coming near! The license plate said Fresh and there were di-

BOOM.
The taxi cab that The Prince saw was REALLY coming near him. And it sadly smashed our brave hero. If he wasn't looking so closely into the contents of the cab, he might still be here today....

The "Fresh" Prince has officially become "Spoiled".

But his legacy lives on, all through us. In our souls, we all hold a piece of Will Smith's heart.

Also, through the 90s, a sitcom based on his personality and how he wanted to live his life was made. It was titled the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. The theme song contains hidden lyrics that chronicle his certain death, as you can tell.

And the upcoming movie Hancock? That film really chronichles the last few weeks on Earth featuring Will Smith.

...

OKAY, SO THIS IS ALL MADE UP. Sheesh, you can't come to my blog ALWAYS finding true facts, you know. Sheesh. Go to wikipedia if you want to read Will's life story...

Well kids, I won't be able to write for the next few days as I won't be near a computer.

Don't BAWWWWW! I'll be back before you know it.

Have a happy Fourth of July, everyone. Honor our country's birthday, eat cookies, and all that.

...UNCLE PHIL WAS NOT MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE. THAT'S MESSED UP, YO.

DuckTales... RAHH-VEWW-OOU (see what I did there?)

2008-07-01T11:59:00.000-07:00

Well, men, we've made it.
First Jlog Summer Jamboree post GO!
...*cough* An'ways...

I want you to go back in time for a second. Remember a time when it was worth getting up Saturday mornings with your bowl of sugar-coated cereal and superhero pajamas? A time when the only good shows for your near-ADD brain were shown on weekends? A time when those shows were actually GOOD?

That time, my friends, was anytime before 2000. On specific topic, the 1980s. Yes, the 80s... the era of bright colors, large hair, and, of course, Madonna. But the 80s were known to not only delight small children with explicit songs - they also had great cartoons.

But perhaps the greatest of all was the Disney-produced DuckTales.

AHH-WOO-OOU

Yup, DuckTales. I know that the people reading this probably weren't alive during the original run (including me, but they still showed it afterward you know...), I'll give you a recap: Donald Duck leaves Huey, Dewey, and Louie to their rich jerkwad great uncle, Scrooge McDuck. Which doesn't make sense for the following reasons:
1) Where's the parenting here? "I have to leave my nephews with someone... let's just choose the guy who used to treat me like crap as a kid!"
2) Why is Scrooge still mean? Where's the continuity from Mickey's Christmas Carol?
3) This doesn't have to do with really anything but... why is everyone in Duckburg (other than Donald's family)... DOGS?
4) ...WTF is a "great uncle"??

But yeah. In a nutshell, Uncle Scrooge and the nephews have to fight bad guys and protect their fortune and find treasure and... well, it gets pretty random. But all that matters is how amazing that show was. I remembered this, having not seen the show in years, and decided why not just watch the pilot?

So... I did, of course.

After watching the intro, I remembered how beautiful that opening sequence is, you know. It's the first episode, nobody knows whats going on, but the ducks don't care. They'll adventure all they want!

That's what I used to love about 80s and 90s TV show intros. Nothing made sense to the average viewer. In DuckTales, the intro was so packed-full of action that once you finish, you may need to clean up after you spew all over the couch!*
*you won't really spew.

Here, we experience ADVENTURE LIKE NEVER BEFORE, including the ducks walking down some stairs, diving into some money, kissing sharks, and EVEN laughing. HOLY SMOKES! Of course, they also do some mummy awakening, robots playing hockey, and falling into lava pits, if you're into that sort of crap. Which I know you are personally not.

But enough of this. Into the actual episode.

We open with ol' Scrooge McDuck diving into his huge pit of gold. It shows him swimming threw it, jumping in and out, you know, the usual shmeel. But, I shout UNREALISTIC. You know why? Have you ever tried to swim through gold coins? It ain't easy. The coins are hard to push, you know. And when you dive into METAL coins, it kind of hurts. Plus, how do you breath??

Ugh.

Then Scrooge realizes he has to pick up his nephews. He gets on his evenin' clothes and takes a walk through the city, pimp-slapping whoever asks him for money as he walks by. (What, you thought he just HAD the money? ...I keed, I keed...)

So Donald Duck is there, hands over his kids, and says he's joining the Navy.

WAAAAAIT A MINUTE.

Since when did the government accept ducks into military positions?! These kind of things make me pissed to be an American. A duck has a higher and better job than me. A HUMAN.

Anywho, Scrooge is all like "BAAAH" and doesn't really care that he is a father now. He also makes the children walk THREE MILES to his house, although you see him take a cab to the dock where they meet. I don't think Scrooge really minds... his webbed feet have SOCKS ON. Do the kids? No. Child abuse. No, even worse.

ANIMAL-CHILD ABUSE.

Huey, Dewey, and Louie get there... but are issued the attic. Scrooge McDuck tells his butler to watch the kids while he's working ~~his hoes~~ at the candy factory.

They precede to be severely neglected, until days later the butler returns up to the attic to give them a letter from Donald.

He tells them about the Navy and things like that. Donald is a true American hero, you know. He single-handedly defeated Hitler during World War II, after all.

Later on, the runts sneak into Scrooge's job, ninja like.

Scrooge gets pissed.

In the above picture, Scrooge is getting ready to ~~give a nice back-slappin'~~ show the kids around the delightful candy factory!

Later, however, the nephews get into more trouble by finding one of Scrooge's antique boats. Scrooge yells some more. Nephews don't mean it. Yadda yadda yadda.

Then we meet the Beagle Boys. They're in jail, but the cops are stupid enough to allow them to get gifts. Which, of course were bombs. This Beagle Boy ate one, hence the beautiful picture I took. They escaped. No effort from cops to catch them, though. It's a cartoon.

The Beagle Boys had to find the mysterious El Capitan to find out why he sent them bombs. He told them to get Scrooge's ship. Gee, you think? Why else would they put importance on the ship earlier? Oh well, I guess I'm just observant. Or something.

So, here, we see a half naked Scrooge McDuck being washed by his butler. It wasn't long until I said it was gay. Scrooge also talks about how the nephews aren't that bad, and that he was going to make it up to them in the morning....

Also, somewhat disturbingly, Huey, Dewey, and Louie watched an old man bathe for a short period.

Duckburg is effin messed up.

The kids run away, only to find the Labrador Boys attempting to steal that boat thing. We learn there is a treasure map inside the boat! HOLY CRAP

The nephews save the day however, and the Chihuahua Club seem to escape RIGHT when Scrooge comes in the room, to see Huey and those other guys with rhyming names.

They get severely beaten.

But the next day, they went to the Austrailian Shepherd Gang's hideout and take the ship. Scrooge believes them and everythings nice and stuff YAY THE END

I know I didn't really explain the end. THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. They save the day and stuff, like every cartoon does. And hug.

Well, thanks for reading my professional review. I hope to be featured in my very own television broadcast someday. Yup.

Oh, almost forgot, I have a present for you.

Yup, the best theme song in the freaking world for you to feast your ears upon. Enjoy. Put it on your iTunes, whatever. I don't even care.

Also, if you look to your right (actually, scroll up and THEN look to your right), there's a poll sitting there. I want you to keep checking it and vote please. It just might cause WORLD HUNGER TO END. True fact, you know.

...ahhwoooou

............>=(

2008-07-01T11:30:00.000-07:00

Uhhhhh, just kidding.

So, umm, BLOGGER DELETED HALF OF MY BLOG POST FOR NO REASON.

It was all there... and then I scroll up to the top and BAM.

Baleted.

I have the other half in the drafts, so don't worry, it's not a total failure. I'll just finish it all tomorrow because I'm dead tired and have been working for three hours.

Don't worry, I'll give you yesterday's and today's later. So yeah, sorry and stuff....

Anticlimatic jamboree opening, I know...

So, in the comments, I want you to tell me about the saddest day of your life so I don't feel so bad. K?

...=(

ROBOT BEARS :O

2008-06-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

ATTENTION: The Jlog Summer Jamboree schedule!

2008-06-30T01:26:00.000-07:00

Yup.

The Jlog Summer Jamboree.

INTENSE posts everyday from July 1st through August 3rd.

Maybe even longer.

Although, may not start July 1st because I might not be near a computer for a week.

=(

But yeah... and stuff.

How to Plan an Urkel-Themed Party

2008-06-29T19:59:00.000-07:00

Oh? Hey. I'm back. You see, I was waiting to write back with a post of why I was gone, but let's just pretend I wasn't gone because I want to write now. Mmkay? Mmkay.

So, as you may know, the 80s and 90s sitcom Family Matters is coming to Nick at Nite starting tonight. I'm psyched, because late night sitcoms are basically what MADE my summer last year (I watched EVERY SINGLE episode of The Fresh Prince last summer, from the pilot to the series finale - Nick at Nite plays them in order, so this is how I know). I couldn't go to sleep early because it was summer and that means I had to stay up. So now I have a new show to watch!

Wait, you've never heard of Family Matters? Well, you might remember one of the characters from the show...

No, this isn't a picture of Young Andrew...

Yup, him. Steve Urkel. Played by Jaleel White (the guy who voiced Sonic the Hedgehog in the 90s), he was the annoying neighbor of the Wislow family. He originally wasn't penned as a main character, but due to fan outcry and whatnot, he ultimately took over the show. Family Matters went from a show about, well, family matters to Urkel's misadventures. It's safe to say Family Matters survived nearly 10 years because of the lamewad.

Overall, the show was good and got good ratings until it's last seasons. So, come 9:00 tonight, I celebrate by watching a marathon of family antics. But, how do you plan to do this as well?

That's why I'm here. To help plan your VERY OWN Urkel-themed party!

Step 1) Invite people! Send Invites!

You've got to let people know about you're awesome Family Matters marathon. But, you want to do it with class. Sending emails? Psssh. This is an OLD sitcom. You're sending traditional party invites.

The key is simplicity here, just to tell about the party and thats it. Draw a clever picture of Urkel saying his most well known catchphrase, and thats pretty much it. Soon, all the girls in the neighborhood will want to come. Just like the Vault thing. Just trust me, I have first-hand expierence with this stuff!

Step 2) Decorate your party-celebrating area!

Get the big screen TV out. If you don't own one, run to Best Buy AS FAST AS YOU CAN and buy one for optimal Nick at Nite viewing. Also, get a boombox to play some beats so you too can do the Urkel Dance, lay out Urkel's signature red glasses, and bring a table.

Don't forget to go to Kinkos and make a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Urkel himself. That will just add to the charm! Just make sure nobody wants to dance with him after too much liquor of the night, because you know how people get at these crazy Family Matters parties.

Step 3) Make Urkel-themed cookies!

I ARE GOOD PHOTOSHOEPER

Make sure you bake some cookies with Urkel's face on them. Go to Vons, buy some frosting tubes, sprinkles, I don't know. Be creative! You can do it. But Urkel loves cookies.

DON'T LET HIM DOWN.

And there you go! You should ready to go party and stuff. The festivites start at 9:00 PM on Nickelodeon and last to around 5:00 AM. Just remember to sign up a designated driver if you're planning on have a couple Cold Ones.

Have fun and uhhh... leave me comments on how your party worked out for you. Yeah.

ALSO!
ALSO!
ALSO!

I have an announcement to make. No, I'm not getting married, but I'm pleased to announce that throughout July, I'll be throwing the... get ready for it... I hope you're sitting down... its a catchy name I totally just not think of...

THE JLOG JAMBOREE! :D

Every day in July (that i'm capable of doing, somedays I just won't be near a computer), you, the viewer, will get a FULL BLOWN article. Not only a "THIS IS WUT I DID TODAYZ", no! It will be about something NEW everyday, whether it be a review, an adventure, badly drawn stick figures, or something crazy I think of. Maybe a rant or two. It'll be special, don't worry!

Okay, make sure you GET READY.

...Even if it starts late because I won't be able to write at the beginning of July anyways. Sorry =D

PS: I'm not that bad of a photoshopper. geez. it was a joke.

I NEED HELP

2008-06-25T18:03:00.000-07:00

THE REASON I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO POST IS BECAUSE I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY A FAMILY OF ROBOT BEARS!!!!!

AND THEY LOCKED ME IN THEIR COMPUTER ROOM BECAUSE THEY'RE STUPID AND WENT OUT TO EAT SOME PORRIDGE & OIL. THEIR CAPS LOCK BUTTON IS BROKE.

PLEASE HELP

GO BACK IN TIME AND STOP ME FROM PRESSING THAT BUTTON

I'VE ONLY TRIED GOING BACK IN TIME ONCE BEFORE

SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED

I neglected tonight's post.

2008-06-21T23:31:00.000-07:00

Why? To reupdate my MySpace.

But the main reason why I ran out of all of tonight's time was trying to get my new Xbox internet router thing to work. FOR THREE WHOLE HOURS.

Oh well. Just read old posts or something, I quit...

...not really.

The Simpsons Ride! (and random Universal Studios crap)

2008-06-20T23:59:00.000-07:00

On Thursday I got to go to Universal Studios with my camp. The day didn't start off too dandy, though... I had to get up at around 6:30 with only a few hours asleep. So actually the day started off alright, but it was the night before that messed me up.

We made really good time to the park. It took maybe an hour and a half with morning traffic. When we got there, first thing we decided to head out towards was, of course, The Simpsons Ride. Since it was new, it was probably the big ticket ride for the day. We thought smart going first, as later the camp directors had to ban the ride from the kids since it was a church camp and there were young kids and all. Honestly though, it wasn't too offensive aside from a couple Duff beer references and a 2-second picture of the devil.

Anyways, just standing outside the ride you know it's going to be intense.

It looks really complicated... and it is

I was sad at first that they were tearing down Back to the Future for something as less-symbolic as the Simpsons, but after walking just into the line, it looked more decked out and nicer. Maybe it was because Back to the Future was made in the 80's or just because the Simpsons is more colorful, but it looked way better.

Itchy and Scratchy > you

While you're waiting, flat screen TVs on the walls and ceilings would occasionally show a TV (within the TV) playing classic Simpsons clips from the actual TV show, usually theme park related (Krusty Land, Duff Gardens) and even Itchy and Scratchy shorts (which weren't the worst ones with tons of blood and guts). But the real highlight of the TVs were the small segments made specially for the ride. The animation, as with the rest of the ride excluding the ride itself, was made in the high-quality color and drawings like in the movie, not the cartoon. My favorite which I saw was basically a poke at Back to the Future, showing why Krusty Land was built where Doc Brown's lab used to be. I won't spoil it, but if you get the chance to catch it, it's hilarious, and even the actor who played Doc Brown in the movie and ride voice acted himself.

Once you move past the outdoor lines and you get inside, you have to stand in rows. The sides of the room have fake carnival game and information stands similar to the entrance, but this time in the center are screens with Simpsons characters running the stands. Every now and then the characters would do something funny and get the lines laughing. There's even more TV screens hanging from the ceilings, and while sometimes explaining to be safe and stuff while waiting, there's usually fake ads for Krusty branded products (like flavored ear-swabs!). Our line moved pretty fast, but I was able to see one short of Krusty explaining his new ride opening.

Once we got into the little room where you wait to be boarded onto the ride, I saw that they completely changed it. Before, there was a little cabinet with random things of Doc Brown... now, its just the room with a screen and some paintings on the wall made to look like a carnival or amusment park. The precaution/intro video was hilarious, though. There's actually a pretty nice plotline going involving the Simpsons, with Sideshow Bob trying to kill them again (which you catch in disguise in some of the pre-ride shows).

Once we were let in, the old DeLorean vehicles you used to board were changed to look like a rollercoaster cart, and the room looking like a loading station with signs exclaiming how much fun we're going to have and all that. It looked actually really convincing - the kids in my group were convinced the fake exit door would lead them on an actual rollercoaster (even after me telling them it wasn't a couple hundred times).

As soon as I sat down, though, I noticed something weird... there was water all over the seats and handles. I didn't want to tell the kids this to not spoil it for them, but with my crazy detective skills I figured there were some water guns by the walls, and as the ride started and raised us up, I saw them. I don't really know why I look for these things but I do...

The very first thing you see on the ride! Spoiled you.

Anyway, the whole ride show was in 3D as opposed to the 2D cartoon shows you saw while waiting in line. Again, I'm not going to spoil the ride, but some of the things your cart goes through include going down a huge rollercoaster, flying through Krusty Land rides (which include a couple obvious Disneyland knockoffs), going into space, and riding through Springfield itself.

I can say from experience that it was definitely intense.

After you leave the ride, you're led outside to find these photo booths (yes, you get a photo taken during the ride as well) that you can send to your email after paying $5, ala Astroblasters at Disneyland.

After The Simpsons Ride, all we did was eat, go on the Studio Tour (which was sad after the fire and all), ride Jurassic Park a couple times, and watch WaterWorld. We did manage to go look at the Kwik-E-Mart shop at the end of the day though, and it was filled with overpriced Simpsons crap. They were even selling Duff in the form of energy drinks! The weirdest thing I saw, though, was this huge donut (and I mean a huge donut... it had its own box and everything). Sadly, to a couple of the kids' dismay, there were no Squishee machines.

So it was pretty fun, but even today I'm still tired. And so is my wallet - I brought $15 and it only payed for a Coke, Pizza Hut pan pizza, and a water bottle. Lame. I hate theme park bigwigs.

...time to sleep.

Have you ever...

2008-06-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

...had a time when you listen in an aim conversation and nobody thinks you're there?

It's hilarious especially when they're talking about you for almost a solid 20 minutes straight.

...hah.

I Hate Can Openers with a Vengence.

2008-06-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

So... home sick again today. My head is the only thing that's bugging me - I can't walk without getting dizzy, coughing, stuffed nose, etc. So, because I can eat fine, I was really hungry like usual.

I searched around the house for things to eat. I first went to see what we had for a sandwiches but I realized we only had bologna and cheese. Which, for the most part, is kind of unexciting. I then scoured the snacks, but I couldn't survive on only those. I wasn't looking for Hot Pockets (we only had these ones with barbeque meat, and those are nasty), and then I saw that we had cans of refried beans!

I knew in the fridge we had tortillas and cheese. So I brought up the can into the kitchen... and realized I was forgetting one vital fact.

I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO USE A CAN OPENER.

No big deal, I thought. I thought after playing with it for a while I would get it. Well, safe to say I was wrong.

Going on for 15 minutes, I was already getting fed up. I went onto the Mac and began to search the bowels of YouTube to see if there was ANYTHING on how to open a flipping can. All I found was some crap of a guy using a knife.

Well, two of my friends tried to explain it to me, but I still could NOT get it. I didn't know what I was doing wrong, or if the can opener I was using (which was older than me probably) was messed up. But after almost an hour of fidgeting with the thing and making small holes unleashing gross bean juice, this is what I came up with...

...shut up.

So, how did I get the can open, you ask? Well, after f'ing up the can's top in every way possible, I finally made a large enough dent that I could use to my advantage and broke with the handle of the can opener. So I just stabbed it in, and after a minute the lid came off. Victory!

And you want to know how victory tastes? Exactly like a burrito, that's what.

Make that TWO burritos.

I never figured out how to open the can, though. But, I'll tell you what, those burritos were delicious.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm going back to camp just in time to catch the bus for Universal Studios!! So I may just have a review of The Simpsons Ride that just opened... that is, if I can survive the heat and break the lines. We'll just have to find out, I guess.

...got to break this cold!

UPDATE, AS OF JANUARY 4TH 2009!
We bought an electric can opener.

My life is complete now.

Adventures to Walgreens and Burger King.

2008-06-17T17:55:00.000-07:00

I was supposed to write about this on Sunday, but I've been slacking. So I'll just write it now (even though I'm sick)!

This weekend, my grandma decided to throw a birthday "party". She mainly just invited the family. Knowing if I were to show up, I realized the adults would only be talking the whole time. I really didn't want to go, but because I knew my cousins were coming and I could pick on them, I agreed to come.

I was there for only a couple minutes, and the only excitement I really had was locking my cousin on the balcony for maybe 10 minutes until someone let him go.

We told him there was candy on the balcony. He believed it.

After that, me and my cousin Taylor were bored. We were just kind of sitting around and after I ate a roll and my gum, she decided that we were going to go walk to the store and escape this party, because as you can tell, was getting way out of hand.

We got permission from my aunt to leave, so we did. Kyle and Hannah (the youngest) wanted to come too, but we kicked them back into the house after telling them our grandma wanted us to buy her pudding for the party (we don't really know where pudding came from, but it worked I guess). So we walked along some strange roads, and after maybe a little over a mile of taking random pictures, having guys watering plants staring at us, and passing roadkill, we found a Walgreens.

There's a TV screen over my head...

We pretty much just went inside Walgreens to take pictures and annoy strangers. We got a lot accomplished during that time, such as walking around backwards, following some lady that was caught staring at us, and even finding cheap rip-offs of vitaminwater. We even got video... but I'm waiting for SOMEONE to send it to me still.

After all of that, Taylor realized that she has never experienced drinking a Vault yet. So I reached into my pocket and realized we had $3.15 cents. We both ran over to the soda section... but found nothing. Only cheap store-brand grape sodas. I fell on the floor in dismay. But it was then what we realized what we had to do...

We had to go on a quest to find Vault.

So we quickly ran out of the store, jumped the brick wall leading to a street corner (which kind of hurt) and ran across the street awkwardly to a 76 Food Mart.

We walked in... and yet again, felt defeated.

Again we ran to the OTHER side of the road to a Shell station. We waited outside (awkwardly, of course) for the owner to open up the shop because he used to restroom or something like that. We looked at the mega-sized vitaminwaters for a few seconds... and a tear rolled down our faces as we saw nothing yet again.

Feeling like another gas station would hold Vault, she tried to convince me to go to another gas station. I felt like I had given up, and just decided to go get some crazy pictures from the distant Burger King playground. We walked over there, with Taylor running straight into the kids area. I had to get her to come back inside, seeing as the whole restaurant was staring at her because there was a huge sign saying the play area wasn't open. So we sat down, and talked about what we've done that da-

OMG HOLY CRAP WHAT'S THIS?!

The holy grail!

That is exactly what it looks like. VAULT IN A BURGER KING SODA FOUNTAIN. Being completely honest, I flipped when I saw it. I almost screamed. We ran over there to find that it was legit. Like any Vault fan should know, it is really rare to find Vault through syrup form, let alone at all in a national chain restaurant. And I'm not going to lie. I felt like a giddy little school girl seeing Fall Out Boy in public.

Proof!

Seriously. I was excited and very thankful that I had some left over money from the movies to go buy a drink.

I waited in line for a couple minutes (with Taylor filming me break dance while standing up, awkwardly of course) and when I finally got my BK cup, I was about ready to shake the cashier's hand.

So we walk over to the Vault button, and guess what happens?

Nothing comes out.

"..." we started blankly.

But! Hope was not lost! I simply waited in line AGAIN, and asked the cashier if she could go in the back to where they get the drinks for the drive-through customers and get me some Vault there. She did gladly, and we had Vault on tap at last!

It tasted even better on tap than in a can

So I guess the moral of the story is that when you go to your grandmother's birthday party, you'll find Vault at some random Burger King. Later, however, Taylor and I both got yelled at by our parents for not only missing the entire party, but forgetting to tell my dad that I was leaving in the first place.

Oops.

But it was totally worth it! Here's a couple pictures from our quest...

"Networking for Women"...?

The most awkward babies' shirt ever. "What happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's"...? That's, erm, nasty.

I heart Burger King

...I love Vault.

Grrr.

2008-06-16T21:12:00.000-07:00

I'm really sorry... but I'm not going to be able to write again.

I'm sick.

And exhausted from camp.

I think i'll go to bed now if I want to have a chance of going tomorrow.

...sorry.

New Mountain Dew Number 3!

2008-06-15T22:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have a confession. I had a huge adventure concerning Vault this weekend with my cousin, but I forgot to write about it. So its going to be a short post tonight, maybe I'll write two tomorrow.

But on Saturday BEFORE my excellent adventure, I bought the next Mountain Dew in my quest for caffeine and victory.

So, I tried Mountain Dew Voltage. Its described on the bottle as a Raspberry Citrus flavor. Upon opening it, it had a somewhat strong scent reminiscent of SuperNova and unlike Revolution. I took a drink...

...

It was really good! Not SuperNova great, but not Revolution mediocrity either! It was kind of like Pepsi - its not Coke, but its not RC Cola! So it comes in a close second, but my vote goes to SuperNova.

I had pictures of the bottle and stuff, but I lost them again. I need to stop losing pictures.

Thats all for today. Sorry! I have to get up early for Adventure Weeks, my summer job that has me up at the exact same time i get up for school sadly. But its cool. It'll be supercool.

...tomorrow, review and adventure!

SCHOOOOOOOOOOLS OUUUUUT

2008-06-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

foh evaaa

So I'm out of school for like 3 months or whatever. I start camp next week and still have to get up at around the same time if not earlier, but I guess its worth it seeing as I'll be going to the beach, some theme park, and Skating Plus every week. So I'm happy.

Also, I was supposed to get it yesterday, but just today I got my first White Gummy Bear. So how is it?

FREAKING GOOD. Me and one of my friends were just about to go see the new Hulk that didn't suck this time when we decided to just go ahead and try it now. We walked in, ordered one, and took a drink. I just stood there for a second; it was that good. I can safely say that the White Gummy Bear is not only the best smoothie at Jamba Juice, but tastes EXACTLY like a white gummy bear. EXACTLY. I don't know what they used, or how exactly white gummy bears are supposed to taste, but just trust me when I say its delicious.

Anyways, school was finished today. I'm no longer a freshman. Yesss! But, at the same time it kind of sucked because I didn't get to say goodbye to that many people today. But I forgot about it because afterwards we saw The Incredible Hulk, with along with Kung-Fu Panda and Don't Mess With the Zohan, I still need to write a stickreview to! I think I'm going to patent that word. "Stickreview".

In other news, I got the new Weezer yesterday after waiting too, too long. How is it? Well, you're going to have to wait for my review suckaaaaaaaaas.

I'm going to La Mirada this weekend, so it will be another Saturday without a blog post. Sorry.

I also think there hasn't been too many pictures in this post compared to others. Hold on... let me find some random one.-

WHOA.

I had a really trippy moment right now. I was listening to one of the song's from The Red Album (the new Weezer I just talked about, remember?) while I was trying to find a picture. I was just clicking the stumbleupon button to maybe find a random website, when this site came up with the top saying this:

All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players.

-William Shakespeare

...and right as I started reading that, the EXACT same line gets mentioned in the song.

Whoooooooa.

I don't even think I need a picture anymore. I think trippy moments even out a less than colorful post.

...ITS SUMMER YESSSSSSS.

BEST BLOG POST EVER*

2008-06-12T22:57:00.000-07:00

...that is all.

*I don't have time for anything today.

Un-Classified: Jamba Juice's Secret Menu!

2008-06-11T20:09:00.000-07:00

So, I didn't have homework tonight, but I do have French finals tomorrow that I haven't started to study for yet. I'm on the brink of a B, too. But what did I give it up for? Why, to update my blog, of course!

...I have no idea what 'Jamba' means.

Anyways, you've probably been to Jamba Juice before, I assume. They're healthy, and got some nice smoothies of the fruit. That's it right? Hahahahahaha- NO.

I'd like to point to another fine food-stuffs establishment, this way, please.

Grease!

Every Californian has a special place in their heart for In-N-Out, unless of course you are the devil. They serve burgers (you wouldn't tell by just looking at the sign, huh?) with only a couple menu items - Hamburgers, Double-Doubles, Fries, drinks and shakes. That's really it. But, the most "in" people know about what lies behind that... the Secret Menu.

Although not being so secret at all anymore, if you go to your friendly neighborhood In-N-Out and ask for a 4 by 4, a Neapolitan shake, and Animal Style fries, they'll know exactly what you're talking about. A x by x (replace x's with numbers) is a hamburger with whatever number of meat by whatever number of slices of cheese you want, Neapolitan shakes are milkshakes with all three flavors, and Animal Style fries or burgers are a mixture of onions, Thousand Island dressing, and pickles.

So how does this relate to Jamba Juice? Well, I've came across their very own (and well hid) Secret Menu.

FACT: This picture was only added to make this post look pretty.

So, here's what you do. Go into a Jamba Juice on a relatively busy day, and just walk up to the counter politely and ask for a White Gummy Bear. If the people working there aren't complete idiots, they should know what you're talking about. Basically a White Gummy Bear is made to taste almost exactly like a melted white gummy bear (don't worry, they don't really use gummy bears). You can also order Strawberry Cheesecake, Peanut Butter + Jelly, Starburst, Skittles, Push-Up Pop, or even Red Gummy Bear flavors. There are a few more, but I can't really confirm if they're real or not until I try them all.

How did I learn about this? Well, actually, I heard about it on the Mega64 podcast a couple weeks back, so I started asking around and sure enough, I found that it was true. Just go in and ask, maybe surprise the crowd!

I'm going to try my first White Gummy Bear tomorrow, and I'll review it when I get back. Other than that though, tomorrow I need to study a lot, because I have an Algebra final (which I'm horrible at) and a final on Romeo and Juliet (which I'm also bad at remembering).

...Two more days of school left.

Ciabata Burger

2008-06-10T22:19:00.000-07:00

Random title because I'm tired of saying I don't have time to make a post.

So no ciabata burgers.

Tomorrow I have my health and science finals. And my science teacher is going to yell at me when he finds out I turned in something I was totally not supposed to do and i tried scribbling it out because I highlighted it and it wouldn't fully erase.

Ouch. Right after today when he told me I should take care of my books.

Oh well. Last day in Martin's class. He's always hated me I think.

...I hate studying.

TODAY'S MY VAULTIVERSARY

2008-06-09T21:51:00.000-07:00

So, as of today, i've been drinking Vault for exactly 2 YEARS.

Intense, huh?

Well, sorry, finals week, can't really talk much.

Its going to be like this all week, like i said yesterday.

...I might write more tomorrow. Maybe.

Vault Floats!!

2008-06-08T16:54:00.001-07:00

Another short post. Its going to be like this all week, as its finals.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

But I'd like to tell you a story.

Yesterday, my friend Andres was over after going to the movies for like 3 hours. We were supposed to make food, but found out we didn't have any. All we had were cheese, bologna, Vault and ice cream. So what did we decide to do?

MAKE VAULT FLOATS.

I actually took pictures of them... but I lost them. Sorry.

We just put two huge scoops of vanilla ice cream into these huge cups, and poured the Vault over them. We weren't thinking (well mostly I wasn't) and forgot to cool the soda up, so they were kind of warm and melted the ice cream pretty fast. And they left this nasty green residue crap on the sides of the cup that smelled really nasty. But other than that, they made me feel sick! But it was totally worth it.

So, in conclusion, I love Vault. Oh wait. You already knew that.

...back to studying. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

I'm Falling Asleep Right Now

2008-06-07T22:57:00.000-07:00

So I guess I don't really want to type at all right now.

But tomorrow... I'll have a new Stickreview up. I saw two movies today.

And I have to study for finals and stuff.

...5 more school days left.

Top 9 Songs that Remind Me of Summer.

2008-06-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

Good news is I'm not sick and got better already. Bad news is that I'm kind of in a really bad mood. I dunno... just been thinking about lame things. Maybe I'm overthinking. Who knows...

Well. I'll try to write this with a smile on my face.

*ahem*

So. Its almost summer, and as you can tell from pretty much every post I've ever written, I'm stoked.

Besides the fact that there's no school for almost three months, summer to me might not be what it means to you. See, around two summers ago was when I first started to actually listen to music, and was also the first summer that I wasn't forced to go to camp. So I basically sat at home and listened to music and stuff. It was great.

iTunes is probably the symbol of the season for myself. There are a couple of traditions, though, as well (first Vault two summers ago, and I started eating Dibs and bologna sandwiches almost every night :D), but not nearly as much as looking around for new sounds to listen to. So heres my list of songs from the past two summers that remind me of being lazy and hot weather...

#9) The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny - Lemon Demon

Two summers ago, I was obsessed with Newgrounds and so I automatically loved this song. A lot. So I downloaded the mp3 and listened to it all summer.

#8) Animal I Have Become - Three Days Grace

Also two summers ago, I sadly had nothing better to do than make YouTube music videos (which are taken off, thank you). This was requested. So I made the video and I guess the song stuck.

#7) Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - Daft Punk

Last summer I was kind of getting into listening to techno. So it would be around 3:00 am, and I just decided I needed to blast some Daft Punk. It made me happy, I guess.

#6) The Final Countdown - Europe

Last summer, I also began to like 80s music. I think its safe saying this song alone started it.

#5) What I've Done - Linkin Park

My favorite band's new CD came out last summer. Of course I would have it on repeat like 9999 times in a row.

#4) What Is Love? - Haddaway

I still sing this everyday, but I started listening to it last summer. You probably know it if you've seen the Night at the Roxbury skits from SNL. Or that Pepsi commercial. Baby don't hurt me don't hurt me no more.

#3) Me Against the World - Simple Plan

So, you see me putting an emo song on the list. Well, two years ago that's what I was into. Me and my friend would listen to this song every single night on repeat. I hate Simple Plan now, but this song will have a welcome place in my soul.

#2) Black Hole Sun - Soundgarden

This song... oh Black Hole Sun. This came to be when me and one of my friends two summers ago would play this really lame game called Well of Souls, and he was sending me a bunch of random crap through AIM at the same time. This is the only one I kept, and because the song takes place in summer it makes it even better. I really love this song.

#1) Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen

Memories... geez. Last summer, I worked for Adventure Weeks, a day camp where we went on field trips places. On some of the days, the actual counselors (I was only a counselor in training, and there were junior counselors too) would let us ride in their actual vans instead of the hot, sweaty buses. So, one day we're in there and they asked us what we should listen to. One CIT asked for some Queen. And ... well, everytime we got let into the vans the first song to come on would be Bohemian Rhapsody. And everyone remembered the entire thing and would sing it on the way to whereever we were going. I mean, I bought a whole Queen CD just for this song. SSo I guess I can say I like it.

Sorry this post doesn't have the Josh flare like it usually does, like I said before I'm in a way lame mood. Oh well.

...And I still don't have my Red Album.

Bleh.

2008-06-05T22:14:00.000-07:00

So I'm sick. I think its because I ate probably undercooked food from the cafeteria.
It sucks.

So I'm not writing tonight... because I can't really think straight right now.

...sorry.

My Hands smell like Pizza.

2008-06-04T20:55:00.000-07:00

Bleh. I've had an overall kinda lame day today. Which annoys me even more because there's only 7 more school days left. I'd rather it end on a high note, and not a lame one I guess.

Anyways, I didn't really have anything planned for today. There's a couple things planned in the back of mind, but I need more time to write them, so when school is done, WATCH OUT. I sound like a broken record because I probably say that like four times per post but whever.

So... here has been my day in a convenient time line!

6:50: Wake up to Say It Ain't So.

6:55-7:25: Get ready, take shower, eat Cocoa Puffs.

7:40: Arrive at school, laugh at Dr. Acula joke.

8:45: Play Battleship in French... instead talk about A1 Steak Sauce in a Southern Black accen t.

9:00: Get assigned 91 math problems from chapters I've done months ago. Does about 50 and gives up.

10:05: Talk to friends. Make my own studio audience in my head laugh at everything funny I say.

10:30: Arrive late to P.E. with Aidan because nobody ever cares.

12:30: Eat chicken sandwich and vitaminwater.

1:20: Watch Planet Earth documentary. It was EPIC.

2:30: Do almost nothing in Thee's class.

3:30: Get home, entertain dogs.

4:30: Watch Simpsons.

5:00: Eat pizza!

5:30-7:30: Do homework.

7:30-now: Sitting by desk doing nothing. Just drank a Vault though!

Thats really it.

I didn't get The Red Album today either, so just be patient for a review. Gosh.

Maybe I'll be more creative tomorrow.

...mmm pizza.

The Singer from Weezer is kind of Creepy.

2008-06-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

I only have eight more days of school. Even though like two days ago I was just wanting it to end, I'm trying to get all that I can in now... last minute insults, high fives, and yearbook signings. Eight days. Also, three of those we get out at 12:00 and have only 25 minutes to see people during school. Eek.

Anyways, The Red Album by new-favorite band Weezer came out today.

FACT: The album cover's picture actually wasn't taken to be on the cover, but just for fun

It looks good. If you can tell that by just looking at the cover. I've only heard three of the songs off the CD (one of them just a few minutes ago, thanks to the radio!). I was going to get it today, but I guess I have to wait or something. I dunno.

But that brings me to something I was saving to talk about until today... Rivers Cuomo, the singer.

When Weezer first started things up back in '94, the band was known for having the whole geek-rock thing going with it (which is an actual category, I'm not making up words!), probably associated with Rivers looking like the kid who sat in the corner of class during high school.

Its all in the awkward pose, I guess

His glasses were probably the most recognizable thing about Weezer as a band in general, other than his near-impossible to say name (its ck-whoa-moe). I mean, what other major rock band took awkward pictures with big rimmed glasses? Despite everything, they got popular. And stuff.

But it didn't start off like that. The first few Weezer videos (and even the cover of their first album) has Rivers glasses-less. I think his first true nerd-unvieling was in the music video for The Sweater Song, which was already pretty nerdy song to begin with.

But yeah, for some reason the glasses stayed on for every video after that. And that went on for around 12 years. So, I guess everyone got comfy with Rivers' look, almost becoming the icon for the band.

But then... something bad happened.

Around 2006, after the band was done with their tour of their 2005 album and taking a break, I think Rivers had a near death experience or quite possibly converted to Scientology, because he... looks different.

Not as in "Hey, you got a new haircut!" different either. But more as in from innocent yet intense geek to a pedophile that works at Wal-Mart.

First he lost the glasses and decided to spike his hair...

...and then grew a mustache.

Its not only his new look that creeps me out though. His YouTube series Let's Write a Sawng is cool and all, letting users write a 'sawng'... but its the way he looks into the camera when hes talking that makes me cringe at night. Seriously, watch any of his videos and you'll see what I'm talking about.

O_O

But I still think Rivers is pretty awesome. I mean, don't get me wrong, even though he looks like he stands outside the grocery store waiting to say hi to little kids, he makes some of the craziest songs ever. So I forgive him.

So the moral of the story? Never talk to strangers who look like Rivers Cuomo.

When I'm able to download the new CD, I'll, of course, give you a new StickReview. I don't know how that will work though, seeing as its a CD and not a movie, but ah well. Gives me a chance to show my autistic-artistic side, I guess.

...dotdotdot.

AND A NOTE: This will sound really crazy weird, but while I was writing this, I had my feet up on my desk. And sometimes when I try to move my feet, I'll move them in some weird way beyond my control and the my fool will hurt a lot all of the sudden. But this time, I moved my right foot and it hurt really badly in my little toe. So about 10 minutes later, I looked at it... and came to the conclusion that its broken. Its out of place and stuff. Sadly, that is the first thing I've ever broke besides half-braking my nose when I ran into a pole... BUT THAT'S A STORY FOR ANOTHER DAY. Ok, bye.

DOUBLE NOTE: Also, I forgot to mention that my Xbox woke up from its coma and is alive again. I have no idea why it did that, but you know. That's how things work 'round these parts.

I had a Really Intense Weekend! - also, New Mountain Dew Number 2!

2008-06-02T18:11:00.000-07:00

So this weekend was pretty intense, and the title isn't lying. But actually it wasn't that bad. Because it started off with me going to La Mirada and eating at another of the world's best places to eat ever (and also the greasiest) on Friday night...

Fried Chicken and Pizza = YESSS

Yeah, I went to Shakey's Pizza Parlor. They make 100% greasepizza, greasechicken, and greasepotatoes. Did I mention it was greasy? But honestly, its so good. Its the best combination of food choices ever. And when you're done you always have leftovers for late-night fried chicken and pizza. And who doesn't like chicken at 2:00 am?!

The next day, I wake up and my dad tells me I have to go with him to my grandparents' house (which is like a 3 hour drive from where he lives when there's traffic) so he can help them with their will. So then, being the genius he is, remembers his car has one of those TV screens in it where you can hook up things to. So guess what he tries? Putting Rock Band and my Xbox in the car! Also being one not to over think, I was like "alright". Now guess what I see when we're on the road and we try to hook it up!

What this basically means is "Sorry, but your Xbox is f'ed up."

...So not even 5 minutes into the trip I find out that my Xbox 360 is bricked. And I didn't even know what happened, whether it was from trying to hook up a Halo-playing energy waster, or maybe because it was like 90 degrees in a hot car. But I just kind of shrugged it off after we stopped at the gas station to find THIS...

MORE NEW SODA WOOOOOO

I decided to try the Revolution Mountain Dew this time. If you're cool and been following my epic Dew quest for glory, then you would have known about the three new flavors. SuperNova was freaking good. But how was Revolution?

...

It was alright. Just alright. No fireworks, no midgets on dirtbikes, nothing. Kind of average. SuperNova is still the supreme ruler so far. But when I try Voltage, I'll let you know. Because I love you guys like that.

Anyways, all I had to do in the car for almost three hours was try to fix a broken Xbox, drink okay Mountain Dew, chew Cinnamon Stride (which is really good, but I don't want to have to take another picture of it), and listen to Kroq. So thats exactly what I did for three hours straight!

...It kinda sucked.

And then we got there. And then guess what I did for THREE MORE HOURS?

Absolutely
Nothing.

And I'm completely serious. I sat in a chair and played with the gum in my mouth. I did almost nothing else... I ate a piece of pizza, pet their dog, and tried to fix a computer for a total of about 15 minutes. I didn't really want to complain or anything though, because I turned down wanting to go swimming by myself in some strange neighborhood. But whatever.

After all of that (and the ride back), I went to see Indiana Jones again. It was even better the second time, honestly. I noticed a crapload of things that I missed the first time around. So yeah.

Then that was the end of Saturday.

And then I wake up on Sunday to find out something HORRIBLE HAS HAPPENED.

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS IS ON FIRE AHHHHH

Yup. The Universal Studios backlot was on fire. The flames burnt down the clock tower and courtyard from Back to the Future, the King Kong thing that was on the Studio Tour, and even New York Street. But thats not all! A little piece of Hollywood was lost...

...And also a piece of my heart.

And then I went back to my house to find out my cat had a stroke and that my puppy's nose almost got torn off. So that helped I guess.

But, I don't know. Other than those things, the weekend wasn't HORRIBLE. I just like to complain. Makes a good blog I guess. Because other than that I'm pretty much living a boring life while I'm still in school.

Ahhh well.

And on that note, 9 MORE DAYS LEFT OF SCHOOL. Yay! Then I can bring you quality stuff EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK.

...I can't wait =D

Arrrgh I want school to end.

2008-06-01T20:29:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of homework to do that I should've already done this weekend.
So... I could either:

1) Write a rushed blog
2) Write nothing and wait until tomorrow to write a regular blog

So I'm going with number 2.

Once I'm out of school, none of this will ever happen again!
Promise!

...k bye.

French Food, Rick Rolling, and African-Americans.

2008-05-29T19:37:00.000-07:00

So, not much inspiration for a real post today. But I'll tell you about all the random crap that I've been up to!

- Tomorrow I'm going to some French museum in Ventura on a field trip. I'm not quite sure what we're doing but the real reason I wanted to come along was to go to this fancy French restaurant afterward. And to get out of school. But mostly I just wanted some food.

We had to order in advance, and I ordered "Steak Au Poivre" (pepper steak) for my main course. It was a better choice then rooster and some raw salmon or something like that. Anyways, according to my ace investigating skills shows that Pepper Steak is in fact not French... but Chinese.

Its French food... so its probably made of snails

...I was going to delete that link saying it was Chinese when I figured out I put in the wrong thing, but I thought it was funny to just leave it. Here's what I'm really eating.

- Today I had to finish up my health report, just in case I get back from the field trip on time to turn it in. Its about child abuse. My health teacher doesn't give a crap about anything though, so I'm thinking shes going to probably read the first page and grade it on that because shes lazy. So what did I do? I made a DRAMATIC PHOTOSHOPPED COVER PAGE.

That's a broken baby bottle on the floor.... Intense...

See, I wasn't kidding by it being dramatic. I mean, I took more time on my cover page then I did on writing the frickin report. I mean, stare at it. You get from the feeling of the blank, lifeless room with a rocking horse and shadows that something bad HAS to be happening behind the scenes. And then the shattered bottle just shows that not everything is going hunkie dorie.

...Feels like your heart has been pulled out of your chest and just smashed, amirite? And no, I'm not refering to The Temple of Doom.

SPEAKING OF THIS HEALTH REPORT...

- Noting to myself that our health teacher just sits there all day making us take notes on videos not even remotely relating to health (...she made us watch ABC, which happened to have Oprah on), and also noting that she would probably only read the first page or so, when it got time to write the last little bit of stuff for my report, I decided to do some inside jokes.

And that inside joke happened to be Rick Rolling.

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

For those who haven't been to YouTube in the past 2 years, Rick Rolling is when you send a link to your friend saying something exciting like "Look what Bush did on tv LOL" or "NEW FALLOUT BOY VIDEO YESSSS!!!1" ...and instead its a video with the lovely voice of Rick Astley. While sometimes people will send links to websites that you can't get out of (like this one), to most it gets annoying very quickly (which I honestly wonder why... who doesn't love a nice Never Gonna Give You Up every once in a while??). But, knowing the lyrics, I decided to incorporate the chorus into my research paper...

-Ways to Stop Abuse Before it Occurs-
Sadly, as much as it upsets some, there are people who can't control abusing their kids due to mental issues or short temperedness. If you or someone you know ever shows signs of committing child abuse, think of a plan to stick with. Make a commitment, and maybe write this down wherever you can see it: "I'm never going to give you up, let down, run around, or hurt my precious young ones. Once these thoughts get put into action, their innocent eyes are going to cry. Also, I'll have to say goodbye, and when I told them I loved them it was all not true... And I hurt them." This can react to guilt on the mind, and keep a mental note that may just click the moment you think of abusing.

The whole paragraph sounds messed up, I know. If she asks, I'll say it was unintentional rhyming and ... I dunno, a big typo.

- Also, today in French, we got to go to the computer lab to finish up our reports. Me and my partner finished early, and so we were messing around with my friend Andrew.

Just to give some background, me and Andrew say we're black, but nobody believes us. So we do what normal black guys do... eat fried chicken and rap. (Really... we're not racist. So don't think in any way we are!)

So... me and Christina (my partner) were sending Andrew emails back and forth, and also having Andrew ask questions on Yahoo Answers. It was really funny, because he put up a question (which I can't find the link of) asking people to read and correct it. But in reality, he put up a piece of crap rhyming words with "dog", "bet", "het"(which isn't even a word), and "dead". So I answered back in the form of a rap. It was great.

But what was really awesome was later, Andrew told me to check my mail. So I logged in, and it came with a link saying "me in my younger years". So, clicking on it, this is what I got: Andrew in his prime...

Andrew was a pimp even in his elementary days

I thought it was the best email I've ever gotten. I almost fell over when I saw it. Just thought I'd share that with everyone reading...

Also, I probably won't be able to get in a post on Friday or Saturday. I'm going over to my dad's, and since he owns a PC, I can't go on it... BECAUSE ITS DEAD. Poor PCs. Haven't had one problem with my Mac, though! =D

So yeah, drink in this post while you can.

...Je voudrais une poulet-frite.

EDIT: Fixed the broken pictures.

STICKREVIEW: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

2008-05-28T20:44:00.000-07:00

*wutcha*

So I decided I'd make my first review on the new Indiana Jones. Why? Because it seems everybody (even communists) on the internet has to be hating. And even though its not the best movie, or Indy film for that matter, its still a crazy awesome mindless action movie.

WARNING: THERES GOING TO BE SPOILERS! SO IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE YET... well, I can't really tell you what to do so never mind...

Okay, so it seems everyone is getting mad at Indy 4 for a couple (actually, a lot) of reasons. So... I'm going to go over all of them and show you what you should stop whining about, and while because of time I can't make it a real review, I'll also point out where they went wrong in a couple of things...

#1) "Surviving a nuclear explosion by going into a refrigerator? Aliens?! This movie is UNREALISTIC!!1"

So ghosts killing Nazis from a box, ripping out hearts and surviving, and falling without a broken bone from about 80 feet is real but a UFO and alien skeletons aren't...?

Seriously, if you really think about it, the WHOLE ENTIRE Indiana Jones series is unrealistic. Think about it. The Arc? GHOSTS. That one guy from Temple of Doom? HE PULLED OUT HEARTS. And how did Indy and his dad (who should have fragile bones from being old to begin with) survive falling from a crashing plane?! Theres a lot more if you watch closely. So even though aliens seem off subject from Indiana Jones (which I thought was somewhat interesting seeing as the movie took place in the 50s, during the era with the Roswell crash and all), its not like the movie ever had a thing for being "realistic".

#2) "They should've stopped using CGI and used more old effects! I mean SWINGING FROMVINES WTF DUDE??!"

The ants and the "Tarzan" scene were obvious CGI moments that you people whine about

I really don't think anyone gives enough credit to some of the scenes that they knew had CGI in. Lets start with the scene where a horde of ants carry that one guy into their ant hill. The scene, in my honest opinion, was very well thought out and it creeped out a lot of the audience. For most that don't complain about the CGI; it was a highlight they spoke about the next day. Really, if they hadn't used CGI, it would obviously look fake using pre-computer special effects in 2008 with horribley made robots and strings and stuff like that. Also, the Tarzan scene with Mutt swinging across the vines. It was a really short scene (maybe all together 6 seconds), and for some "it ruined the movie". Maybe they didn't get it right, and to you it looked fake (which didn't even look that bad). Does it really ruin the Indiana Jones series? Well, i'm sorry, but it was just a simple little scene that maybe didn't appeal to you. =,(

#3) Actually... there were times where the CGI was bad, but it didn't ruin the movie

In one shot of the jeep fight scene, although the Sun is coming from directly toward the camera's direction, you can see shadows coming off in TWO DIFFERENT WAYS... this is from bad Green Screening and having a light behind them while filming

The Green Screen scenes are the most noticeable ones (as explained above), but these small occurrences are probably only seen if you look hard enough. The jeep scene with the uneven shadows, for example, was only a couple seconds long while in the other shots they cover it up pretty well. But still, it wasn't like the film was a disaster from little screw ups here and there, as I bet they'll be out by the time Indy 4 is out on DVD. Also another example of why it was good that they used CGI in the movie: they could edit out shadows like this in the majority of the scenes, and for the stunts old Harrison Ford wouldn't break his spleen or whatever old people break nowadays.

...But I'll admit, those prarie dogs moved unrealisticly because they were 3D. But at least they looked decently real!
---------------------------------------------

Well, in a normal review I would probably write/draw more, but I think I made my point across... plus I didn't have as much time as I really needed. So, when the next review comes around, don't only expect more but I'll actually review the movie fully, and not just shut up people for saying Indiana Jones sucks.

...Also, two things that bugged me.
1) Indy used the whip like 3 times. 3 TIMES!!! Thats like his signature weapon and he neglected it. Shaaaaame.
2) ...I know hes probably an adult now but I miss Short Round. He was my favorite. =(

...But other than that I give Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Met-erm Skull...

3.9 out of 5 *wutcha* cracks!

...YOU CHEAT, YOU CHEAT, DR. JONES! I PLAY WITH YOU NO MORE!

New Mountain Dew is SUPERCOOL.

2008-05-28T17:17:00.000-07:00

Quick post for right now... I have a lot of homework and a report to write, so in the unlikely fact that I can't update tonight I just wanted to get a little bit of me in for you. Aren't I great? (nod your head.)

So I went over to get some food at the best place in the world when I spotted this little beauty...

HOLY CRAP NEW SODA.

A new Mountain Dew! Yesssssss. Its called SuperNova, and as described by the label, "DEW(R) With a Blast of Strawberry Melon Flavor and Ginseng (WITH OTHER NATURAL FLAVORS)". Its freaking great, which is a lot of props to my mortal product enemy.

I guess this flavor is only 1 of 3 new flavors, part of the DewMocracy contest. You have to vote for which one will stay in convience stores forever: SuperNova (this one), Voltage (raspberry citrus), or Revolution (wild berry "fruit" flavor, which I'm not exactly sure what they're revolutionizing).

Is this considered product placement? I want a check.

And just to be fair, I don't completely hate the Dew. Its just... Vault is still way better. But, unlike Vault, Mountain Dew seems to be coming up with new flavors every now and then, while Vault still only has 2, one of which isn't even sold in Ventura County anymore.

So yeah. Two thumbs up for SuperNova. Go try it and the other flavors. Whatever.

...new post maybe later.

Haha, Just Kidding

2008-05-27T18:56:00.000-07:00

I had this crazy awesome idea for a blog entry, but then I realized I just can't do it today.

I'm freaking tired.
Plus I don't have enough time to not only write the blog (which, because its awesome, will probably take a couple hours) but I still have to do homework, find something to eat (I've only had burnt waffles) and make room for some sleep (which rhymes).

So basically until summer you won't get amazingly cool things every day. Sorry. Its just how life works.

I might (MIGHT) make a new blog post that isn't too intense later tonight if I wake up (which probably won't happen, seeing as every time I've written an entry I've had to drink soda, which we're out of). But just maybe.

Until then... watch this.

...back to sleep.

Soda Cans, Indiana Jones, and Disneyland

2008-05-26T21:48:00.000-07:00

Yeah, sorry, I know. This post isn't going to be a huge article with me insulting kids. And its probably just going to be about random things I can think off the top of my head. But I just can't write 5-star articles EVERY day, and also try to include that I have school tomorrow and I've been working on freaking math all night. But the little hamster running the wheel in my brain will give you what it can.

- So I went to the store and bought some Cokes, right? Well, take a look at it...

In Soviet Russia, Coke drinks YOU!

Even though the glare kind of covers it, instead of Coca-Cola it says Koka-Kona. As in its in Russian. I guess Coke is doing some Olympic collection of 5 different languaged Cokes. Pretty intense. Speaking of soda cans...

- Dr. Pepper is promoting the new Indiana Jones movie. So their cans have a picture of a character from the CGI fest of a movie (which, actually to be fair, wasn't that bad). I got one with the kid from Transformers...

Optimus Jones... I'm so clever.

I love Dr. Pepper. But now I while I drink, I can read this engaging description about Mutt: "REBELLIOUS RENEGADE... RELUCTANTLY SEEKS INDY'S HELP". ...In the movie hes actually not that rebellious. At all. But that's marketing for you I guess...

AND SPEAKING OF INDIANA JONES...

- Today in Disneyland the kicked off the "Summer of Adventure" with Indiana Jones running everywhere. Just for the record, I love Disneyland. Its my favorite place ever because I can't ride/don't like roller coasters. Bleh. But even if I did, I can't go a year without mouse ears and pineapple whip.

In this picture, Indy readys for his ROUNDHOUSE KICK.

What they did was make random Indy "events" for Adventureland, where at any given time, they'll have some bad guy and Henry Jones Jr. fight on buildings, in the Rivers of America, or on the Tarzan Treehouse bridge. They also give out maps to find clues for the treasure of - wait for it - FREE COMPUTER WALLPAPER. Also, they replaced Aladdin's old storytelling oasis crap with that Jedi Academy thing they do in Tomorrowland, only they find treasure and go through how Harrison Ford hates snakes. I bet the kids will think its fun, but the show looks really lame.

SPEAKING OF BEING LAME...

- New Mega64 video today that made me laugh. Just watch it, and if you have my sense of humor, you WILL laugh. Just keep waiting for it...

They make fun of video games and stuff. I love it, maybe you will too. They have a new podcast every Tuesday, so check it out tomorrow.

Well, thats all I have for today. Tomorrow I'll have a freaking awesome post... but you'll have no idea what it will be about =P.

...I hate snakes.

Top 5 Reasons Why I like Rock Band.

2008-05-25T21:23:00.000-07:00

For me, today pretty much sucked. I had seriously nothing to do. I tried everything. Sleeping, going on MySpace, watching a movie about a very impregnated dog, and even trying to figure out why Stephen Colbert was in an episode of Law & Order. So I've kinda been in a bad mood for a while now.

Thats when I realized why I should be doing something that would keep things all unicorns and fairies in my mind. So I broke out the Xbox and played my favorite game of the last couple months...

Rock Band is probably to me like the neighborhood bully's mom is to hard alcohol. I think its probably the best thing ever, gets me in a happier mood, and can't go a few days without a session of pressing the little colored frets. I dunno, but I think its a lot better than Guitar Hero is or will ever be. They saw this, and thats why whoever makes Guitar Hero is coming out with the new "I Can Be in A Band Game, Too!" version.

But besides me speaking through some uber geek tongue, what makes Rock Band THE BEST EVER?! Well kids, its time for.......

TOP 5 REASONS WHY I LIKE ROCK BAND!

#5) People Can Play Too Without Watching You Try to Be Cool With a Plastic Guitar

You'll look just as lame when you play it, promise!

Put yourself in this position: Its the Fourth of July. Everybody is coming over to your house. But for some reason you want to be an outcast and play video games. You're out in the living room when Aunty Sally and Uncle Bob come in the room with your cousin Jimmy. Aunty Sally gives you a kiss and asks you how school is going. You say "fine" as you're trying to get that 5 Star rating on Mississippi Queen. Uncle Bob gets mad at you for playing with your new device, and how back in his day they had Pong. Jimmy is whining because you won't let him play. Just then your mom walks in and tells you to get off the couch. NOW YOU HAVE TO DO FAMILY STUFF.

Thats when you realize you have Rock Band! So, you gladly invite Jimmy to play the bass guitar, Uncle Bob to hit stuff with the drums, and your Aunty to sing some sweet jams. Now you can play Xbox without having to go through everyone telling you how tall you're getting.

#4) You Can Create Your Own Wannabe Emo Kid

Look at that kid in the right corner. LOL EMO

Your life sucks. People hate you. You wonder why things as great as roses have thorns. You are very deep within your emotions. You write poetry. You tell people you're going to kill yourself for attention. You want to be emo.

But the moment you color your fingernails black and wear skin tight black jeans, Mom tells you to stop acting stupid and start wearing colors again. And you don't want to give in to her threats that she'll tell your father. So you curse under your breath and walk away.

So what do you do? You buy Rock Band and just MAKE an emo kid to play as! You can even add eyeliner to guys. Now you can express your emotion through plastic instruments.

#3) Downloading SongsNo witty remark here. You can actually download this Judas Priest album!

As much as you love "When You Were Loved", you and I both know the songs get boring to play after a while. So what are you going to do? You're going to download new songs, thats what you're going to do. $2 each. ITS AWESOME.

...I tried to think of something funny to put here. I couldn't think of anything. Sorry... I'll do better next time =,(

#2) DRUMS DRUMS DRUMS

BOOM BOOM BOOM

The drums make this game like 60% more fun. When your fingers develop arthritis from playing a guitar (a plastic guitar at that... major lol's from your grandkids one day, amirite?), just switch over to the drums... and develop arthritis IN YOUR ARMS (is that even possible? Actually. Don't tell me. I don't like being incorrect). But look at it this way... you'll get muscles. Which you probably don't have anyway if you're playing the Xbox all the time. Hah! See what I did there?

...But seriously, the drums in Rock Band are awesome.

BUT WHATS EVEN MORE AWESOME?

WHATS NUMBER 1?

THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.....

....

*plastic drum roll*.....

#1) FALL OUT BOY SONG IN ROCK BAND*

LOL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE OMG OMG OMG

FALL OUT BOY HOLY CRAP I LOVE THEM THEYRE LIKE THNX FOR MEMORIEEZ AMIRITE LOL!!!! THEYRE SO COOL I WANT TO GO TO THEYR CONCERTS AND BE COOL LOL I THINK IM GOING TO CUT MYSELF!!!1

AND THEYRE IN ROCK BAND?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! SORRY I KINDA SCREAMED RIGHT NOW LOL I PROLLY WOKE MY MOM UP BUT SHE PROLLY WONT CARE I MEAN IF SHE TELLS ME TO BE QUIET ILL SAY SHUT UP IM LISTENING TO FALL OUT BOY LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 I MEAN ITS NOT LIKE SHE ALREADY BOUGHT ME LIKE 5 TSHIRTS WITH THAT SINGERS HEAD ON THE FRONT OF THEM AND LIKE ALL MY FRIENDS ALREADY HAVE THEM TOO SO WERE ALL COOL BUT I THINK IM COOLER CUZ I BOUGHT AN AUTOGRAPHED BLADE ON EBAY FOR LIKE $300 AND NOW IM THE LIKE THE COOLEST KID IN 6TH GRADE!!!!!11 EVERY1 LOVES ME... WELL NOW IMMA GO TAKE A NEW PICTURE FOR MYSPACE, YOU KNOW WITH SOME HAIR OVER ONE OF MY EYES AND ILL LOOK ANGRY LIKE I DONT WANT THAT PICTURE TAKEN BUT I REALLY DO AND IF PEOPLE ASK ILL BE LIKE LOL YOU DONT KNOW WHAT EMO MEANS AMIRITE GUYZ??? AND MY BFFS WILL BE LIKE LOL YA!!!!!!!!!11

...So thats why I like Rock Band. I hope you enjoyed my review.

...Man, if only Hannah Montana was in this game.
*no, I don't really like Fall Out Boy stupid. Just in case you didn't know it was making fun of emo pre teens who think they're cool and use myspace and stu- you know what, if you didn't get that joke then maybe you should leave. Don't let the door hit you on your way out. Pssh.

Vault - Its like Jesus in a glass!

2008-05-24T22:57:00.001-07:00

Most people have seen the commercials but have never tried it. But, when I go out in public and see somebody drinking a Vault, it makes me feel like I should personally give them a high five. Because that's how good these things are.

Vault is an energy soda made by the makers of Coke to compete with Mountain Dew. Vault has more caffeine than the competition, which gives it an early advantage, but also tastes a lot better and less sweet. Its more citrus-y and a little bit less fizzy.

Vault came out everywhere around 2 years ago, so its still pretty new. I had my first Vault after my friend would come online telling me how hyper the stuff got her. I thought Mountain Dew was the only really caffeinated soda that could make you sugar high, so not liking Mountain Dew too much, I shrugged it off. That is, until the very first night of summer, when I was camping in Newport Beach. I was at the grocery store getting ready for a barbecue, when I saw a bunch of signs for Vault. My dad just threw it in the cart without really asking me, but I didn't care. When I got back to our camper, I turned on the TV and ate my dinner and just grabbed a can without thinking too much about it. I took a drink... and I thought I was having an acid trip in my mouth.
If I had to explain it in detail... I would pretty much say its just like putting Pixie Stick and some lemon and lime in your mouth. And maybe crack. Lots of crack.

In conclusion... Its good. REALLY good.

Seriously, go try some if you haven't. Its delicious and will make your life better. Seriously. Like, if you're on the beach and drinking an ice cold Vault, chances are you'll pick up like five girls' numbers. And after that they'll all come over to your house and have a big party. Honest! Vault will bring you THE BEST PARTY OF YOUR LIFE.

...I wonder how much Coke will pay me to keep smooth-talking people into buying Vault.

TEST TEST TEST WEE OOOU

2008-05-24T17:33:00.000-07:00

TESTING TESTING 3 2 1

TEST

TEST

IS THIS THING ON

Okay... hows that for an annoying first post?!

Anyways... just wanted to start up a blog for the summer. Because other than my intense adventures and such, I get bored to the point where I sit at my Mac and watch the little apple logo at the bottom glow off the reflection of this cabinet in the other half of this room. Its true.

So if you really care I'll be updating this every single day (I'll try, anyway, unless i'm like away from a computer) and write about random bits even though summer hasn't technically started for me yet.

About what, you might ask? Maybe its something I did that day at the camp I'll probably work at. Maybe its what new flavor of ice cream they came up with at Dairy Queen. Maybe its about some old 80s show I wasn't even alive to see. Maybe its a review of a movie or a video game or a CD or Dairy Queens (i like ice cream =D).

Whever. I might write an entry tonight because I really didn't write anything today. Who knows?! I'm just that crazy!

...Um, okay, i'm leaving now...